Depression Sucks And Discrimination Is Worse.

[Guest Emily Ray]

Hello everyone,

First I want to say how much I missed you all and how important our communication has become to me. About a month ago my phone broke and so I have had to cut back on my posting and time on the site. at first it didn't seem to be to bad, but after a month it had become a serious issue. last thursday I had a great morning. My afternoon was a complete disaster. by 9:00 at night I knew if I crossed into mexico I wouldn't be returning. I got off the trolley and turned arouned and went to the VA for help and phoned my GT on the way.

What could happen that was so bad? In a word Discrimination!!! I thought I was prepared for it to happen, but when it came it was a knife cutting through my spirit. I as a white male have never faced blatent discrimination from an organization and I was not prepared. The confluence of the two events through me into a tailspin that required a bailout procedure to prevent bodily harm.

So, who was doing the Discriminating? Friend to Friend an Episcopal homeless outreach program in San Diego. I went to my appointment expecting it to be a slam dunk. I had already been prescreened at Stand Down a three day homeless veterans outreach program supported by all the outreach and va services in the San Diego area. My first question out of my mouth at stand down was "Can You Help Me I Am Transgender and need transitional housing? The woman said yes and I told them my situation and she scheduled an appointment. Now four days later I go to the Appointment I am told it can take up to two hours because of the forms that need to be filled out. I get to the Appointment and no one is expecting me, bad sign #1, after waiting a half hour I am welcomed in to an office and offered a seat. he proceeds with the same screening questions I was given on Sunday. I answered them the same way. he then tells me that before any thing can proceed they need my medical records from the VA. bad sign #2. I had already signed a release, but I came prepared! I had with me a copy of my Medical Records for the last four months, about an inch of paperwork. Then he drops the ball on me. He tells me that couch surfing in TJ Mexico means that I do not meet the Housing and Urban Development Guidelines for homelessness. He must have thought me an idiot to try such a boldface lie! I am a sociology major with 15 years of dealing with various outreach services for a variety of reasons. I have since read the guidelines and my suspicion was confirmed in the first paragraph. so I leave the office heartbroken angry frustrated and depressed. All my planning up in smoke.

I went to see a friend. it didn't really help and may have added to my stress because he was doing well and I wasn't after completing treatment at the same time. I went to a DRA meeting (thats dual diagnosis recovery anonomus or something like that) that didn't help i started home and half way turned around and sought shelter from the only people I knew I could Count on The San Diego VA medical center.

The VA takes me in, but they don't have any beds available in San Diego so they transport me in an Ambulance 100 miles to Loma linda VA hospital. I think to myself not ideal, but safe. Tuesday I am finaly coming around to where I cand start thing about my next move. I know they already lied to me, but I am an optimistic person. I again Call Friend to Friend and ask to speak with someone about entering their program. I am now in one of the facilitys they stated met the HUD requirements. This next part still amazes me 24 hours later. I am on a phone in a Double Door Locked Psychiatric Unit guarded by Federal Police Officers and checked every fifteen minutes to make sure I'm safe everything has been checked and checked a thousand times to make sure I don't hurt myself or escape. Equivalent to maximum seurity only friendly with better food. The person at Friend to Friend tells me that my diagnosis is not severe enough to qualify for the program. I am 100% disabled because of my diagnosis and the number of times i have need to enter a Psych ward. Now four and my diagnosis is not severe enough. this man must think he is dealing with a six year old. I am still speechless about it.

I am not finished with Friend To Friend. The Chaplin who Organized Stand Down and assigned me to the womens tent can't stand bigotry and she demonstrated that to me at the event (see other post.) I plan to meet with her and discuss my treatment by their socaled outreach and I doubt that without changes in their policy they will not be invited to participate in the event in following years. Because they are funded by HUD and they have violated California Law in their discrmination against me I will also be filing a report with the HUD Inspector General for violations of State Law at taxpayer expense.

[Guest Amanda joan]

Emily Ray,

This sounds like a very difficult combination of events. I commend you for getting through them and still be able to post these comments. I am a vet also. I am not homeless, I rent a room in a small house with 3 other people. I have to share everything execpt my room, bathroom, TV, kitchen ect... It is hard when you lose control of your living arrangements. I have had so much more a year ago. I gave it all up on account of being a Transgender Woman. Yes it is devastating to be rejected. I have felt that pain, just last week from a co-worker. You are strong and intelegent. I believe you can get through this. You can never know for sure what another person is thinking. You also can not know all the time when discrimination is about you being transgendered. Remember the one or two people do not define the whole of the Church. You are also called to be the body of Christ in the world. So turn the other cheek and move on. Pray for guidance, I know it will help you find your way. It has helped me greatly over the last year. I expect very little of others but, I have great expectations for myself.

Go with honor.

Peace & Love Amanda

[JJ]

Emily

It has been amazing to watch your strength and determination in your posts as you overcame obstacle after obstacle.

I am so sorry you had this horrible experience but applaud and congratulate you on your ability to seek help when you need it and your determination not to let the discrimination go by but to take action which will make it better for every transperson who follows you.

Love

JJ

[Guest Donna Jean]

Emily....

I totally agree with JJ...

These last months you've shown a special strenth and I have every expection of your overall success...

There is pain and sometimes lonliness in being Transgendered...

You'll make it....

BIGG HUGG

Donna Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

Emily,

You are an inspiration. I don't know how else to put it.

Kim

[Guest Micha]

I am not finished with Friend To Friend. The Chaplin who Organized Stand Down and assigned me to the womens tent can't stand bigotry and she demonstrated that to me at the event (see other post.) I plan to meet with her and discuss my treatment by their socaled outreach and I doubt that without changes in their policy they will not be invited to participate in the event in following years. Because they are funded by HUD and they have violated California Law in their discrmination against me I will also be filing a report with the HUD Inspector General for violations of State Law at taxpayer expense.

You're so awesome, I hope you know it.

*HUGGLES*

You can never know for sure what another person is thinking. You also can not know all the time when discrimination is about you being transgendered.

Discrimination or not, it's against policy. If she meets the standards they have no reason to turn her out, and regardless of "intentions," the actions are discriminatory unless they can prove their policy cannot allow her into the program (and it sounds as if they wouldn't be able to). That is illegal and should not be overlooked. It's not an act of vengeance, it's something that hopefully well help not only Emily, but anyone else this organization, or specific branch, would turn out without legitimate reason.

S'how it seems to me anyways, so I applaud you Emily and best of luck!

[Guest Emily Ray]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I'll write more tomorrow, I have to get to a meeting and I don't want to be late

Love

Emily

[Guest Angelgrlsue]

Wow!! Emily I had no idea you were going through this. Was wondering what happened to you. You are an amazing woman, you know that Emily? You truly are, your strength, wisdom, confidence and determination are powerful and inspirational. God is watching over you. Thank you for sharing. :-)

Hugs,

Suzie

[Guest Emily Ray]

The VA is investigating the incident and may initiate an Inspector General investigation from HUD. All VA employees are required to report violations of law to the pertinent IG in this casse HUD.

Although their interpretation of the HUD guidelines are not correct they treat everyone equaly wrong, however what they said to me while in the hospital was discrimination and there is no doubt of that. I even had a Nurse call and attempt to understand why better the deay of the occurence and they could give an explination and refered her to the director of the office.

A psychologist at the sd VA called and said she had a veteran in her office and wanted to make a referal and teased out the truth of the situation. There is no diferentation based on severity of diagnosis in their policy. I was wrongly discriminated against by them.

The person I told the event to and who made the call had just last week went out and visited the office and was made familiar with all they had to offer. She was not happy when she got off the phone with them.

God is on my side and I am thankful.

PS. the Chaplin will be returning to work on the 13 and I will be living there and ready to greet her literaly. I am moving in to the recovery home she works at.