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By Vidanjali · Posted
It's generally not helpful or kind to respond to anyone's sharing of their struggles but replying, "You think that's bad? Look at my problems." There is some value to taking a "it could be worse" point of view. But not when it's explicitly invalidating someone's particular struggle, and worse, a struggle which they made themself vulnerable to share. It is beneficial to consider one's blessings and practice gratitude. But that's not inherently the spirit of such one-up-personship (gender-neutral version of one-upmanship lol). I'm glad your friend apologized and that you've forgiven her. But evidently you're haunted by the impression left on your mind. Each of us deserves compassion and understanding. We deserve safety. The fact that this is troubling you so much reveals you are a compassionate and thoughtful person. Don't direct that against yourself, though, because doing so is not kind to yourself. If something like that happens again, I would suggest taking a deep breath and then telling the friend that you hear them and acknowledge their struggle. That you don't rank your and their struggles because they are real and present to each of you. Then try to direct the conversation to learning about each other's perspectives and how you can better support each other. Meanwhile, as you're clearly curious, engage in some reading to learn more about how to be an ally to trans women and people of color. That's a productive thing you can do. I would also suggest for your consideration that this may have triggered some internalized transman phobia based on the fact that you're conflicted about the validity of your own struggles as a trans man. That can be difficult to detect when it rears its ugly head, so just think about it - it's possible it may help to make some sense of how you're feeling. In light of that, I'll repeat. Your struggles are no less significant than someone else's because you are the subject of that experience. One must take responsibility for their own emotions and reactions - you're ultimately the one who navigate you through this life, from a practical point of view. Therefore, don't indulge unduly in despair but try to focus on personal progress. And what aids that is service to others too by the practice of compassion, charity, and mercy. So, that practice requires balance - don't leave yourself out of it. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
Also, I'd heard of Judith Butler, I think referenced in other works I'd read, and was intrigued to read them, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. So this was a very good primer especially given all the historical references, robust defining of terminology, and contemporary contextualization. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
Excellent video. It may be lengthy, it's so compelling, enlightening and entertaining. All her videos I've seen are great, but this one is especially riveting. I was thinking I wanted to share it with my husband who's recently expressed a renewed interest in reading and learning more about philosophy and social justice. And then at the end come to find out Abigail is an actor on the video game, Baldur's Gate 3 which my husband is super into. So when I told him he's now very interested to watch. I'd love to share this with one "friend" who freaked me out several months ago by "coming out" rather guns blazing as a TERF. But I still haven't had the opportunity to speak with her about it (mostly she's been busy or withdrawn, and partly I'm not inclined to seek her out). Perhaps whenever we do reconnect I can challenge her to watch and she if she's willing and able to identify and break out of her own phantasm. Thanks for sharing, @Ivy. -
By Ashley0616 · Posted
Congratulations and have fun! I love clothes shopping. Although I don't really buy in person unless it's at a thrift store. It's mostly online. I love SHEIN! Affordable and good quality. I have a walk-in-closet full of clothes. I remember when I completely got rid of all my male clothes. I have some androgenous shirts and a jersey and that is it. -
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By Mikayla2024 · Posted
I’m so excited to go shopping soon and buy panties, bras and just girl clothing in general. It’s going to be an expensive trip because I’ll probably end up buying all of Lululemon 🙈🙊🙉 -
By Ashley0616 · Posted
Heck I love wearing thongs! I have no problem wearing them at all. -
By Davie · Posted
This is what Adele says to haters of Pride: https://x.com/PopBase/status/1797119887976128863 Yay, Adele! -
By Adrianna Danielle · Posted
It has been good so far.I went to church this morning,one my boyfriend is a member of.I am the first open transgender member member there.Have been accepted in since I became a member.A young man wanted a picture of us taken together and his mom took it.He is about 15 or 16 years old and I am the first transgender person he has met -
By Ivy · Posted
I live in a rural area, and we actually do have Democrats here. I also see the division being pushed by the "right' as well as the "left." It seems so stupid. I'm going to shut up now. Have a great pride month, Y'all. -
By Ivy · Posted
I do think trans women have more visibility, and perhaps more resistance due to the ingrained misogyny in our culture - as Carolyn Marie has said. Having said that, I have gotten to know a trans man in the past year, and his struggles have been real as well - including feeling threatened in situations. As for passing, testosterone is pretty effective. The voice changes and facial hair do make it easier to pass for many. Not many people will question a man with a beard's gender*. Once you are able to get the HRT I think you will be pleased with the results. Hang in there. *I let my beard grow out for years to "prove" to myself and others that I was a "man" but it didn't really work very well, did it. -
By Ivy · Posted
Well… I hope everything goes well. I guess she's familiar with the process by now. -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
Being a drag performer is THAT lucrative a job opportunity? In Idaho? $926k is equivalent to 18 years' pay for an average worker in that state. I understand that attorney fees can run pretty high, though. -
By Carolyn Marie · Posted
@NoEli6, I completely understand where you're coming from, and I sympathize with you. Yes, I believe it is true that trans men get shortchanged when it comes to recognition of your numbers in the world, the attention paid by the MSM, as well as the trans community and academia. I also think that is changing, based on the number of articles I see in my news feed. There are also many more articles on research papers concerning HRT and other issues facing trans men. So it is understandable that many in our community downplay the struggles trans men go through. I do think that trans women face a more dangerous world than trans men, and for the same reasons that cis women face more dangers than cis men. All one needs to do is look at the statistics on the murder and assaults of trans women. That said, trans men do also face dangers out there in the world, and I don't discount that at all. There was a much loved trans man on this site years ago whose own father shot him when he was about your age. So yeah, I do understand your fears. They are real and justified. As @Charlizesaid, your time will come and things will get better for you. We see you, we cherish you, and we respect your feelings. You are welcome here. HUGS Carolyn Marie -
By Sally Stone · Posted
I asked myself this very thing many times through the years. Ultimately, I realized these feelings were being heavily influenced by the concept of gender needing to be singular. I guess the strong influence makes sense, since it has been so ingrained into our society. I found the will to reject the concept, though, because it wasn't right for me. Doing so, allowed me to be at peace with my bi-gender nature.
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