I've Hit A Wall.

[Guest Natalie N]

I've wanted to be a girl longer than I can remember, have come to terms with it, opened up to a couple of close friends, and the only thing left for me to do is embrace it, which I want to do so badly. (The next step being telling my mom and getting a therapist)

yet for some reason I can't get myself progress. I believe I've thought of all the reasons why I wouldn't want to progress and there just aren't any (That I know of). I'm only 16 so I'll probably wait until after high school to rake any action, although seeing a therapist and telling my mom would be an ideal thing for me to do before I graduate high school...

anyway my point is that something is stopping me from trasitioning but I have no idea what it is.

Any ideas?

Thanks

-Natalie

[Carolyn Marie]

I could be (and probably am) wrong, but my thought is "fear."

Transition is such a huge thing, a life changing thing, that will effect so much, that fear of

taking that next step is understandable, natural, and even healthy.

Almost all of us have felt it, Natalie. You aren't alone in that. If I'm right, then you need to decide how much you want to do this, whether you can wait until you've conquered that fear, or your need to transition becomes great enough that the fear won't stand in your way.

Don't push yourself to take a step you aren't ready for. Think about this, talk to your friends here, or trusted friends in your world, and see how you feel.

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

As much as this can't be denied forever it also means completely turning your life upside down. and though people try sometimes I don't think there is any going back when you have come out and started the process.

There is also a huge element of the fear of rejection for most of us. The fear of this hurting those we most love.

So as Carolyn said-be sure you are ready. If you have a close relationship with your parents it may be a good idea to talk to them about your feelings and ask to see a gender therapist. A therapist can help you work though your fears and discover the best path for you

JJ

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Absolutely outstanding advice, Honey....

Now is not the time for haste..

You need to do like JJ said and approach a gender therapist...

The cause of your reluctance ...

You could be so unsure of making the wrong decision..."Am I really Trans?"

And maybe you truly are and you are just afraid to make such a huge life change at this age..

But, if you are Trans you'll not be able to fight it for too long...

Listen to the wonderful advice already given....OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Natalie N]

I don't think its a fear of hurting others, because I feel if I didn't change to keep people in my life that may have not accepted it, I'd be not changing for them, not for me.

And I postively hate being a boy... its depressing.. so i just don't understand what there is to be afraid of, yet I still can't step forward

I'm starting to sound crazy, aren't I?

[Guest]

Hi Natalie,

No you're not crazy. Or else all of us are. Take your pick(?) I'm rather frozen in a state of non-transition too - but call me lazy, not crazy.

It's a lot of things to deal with, and sometimes just looking at it all is enough to cause paralysis! But, you should only deal with one thing now - get to see the therapist. Everything else follows that first step.

If you can talk to your parents about therapy, that's all you need to do for now.

Love, Kat

[JJ]

Stepping forward will be the biggest thing you have ever done. And even if it doesn't feel like it on the surface it is terrifying for all of us to come out to those we love.

To me it felt like jumping off a cliff. There is a very natural fear of falling. And there is also a lot of fear built into transitioning for many of us.

Fear is a paralyzing emotion.

Is it a feeling of not wanting to tell your mom or a feeling of just not wanting to transition? They aren't the same thing. You can transition when you are ready at your pace but in order to see a gender therapist and sort out why you can't move forward you would need to tell your mom.

The main reason to go ahead and do that would be if this is causing you a lot of distress, which it sounds like it is.

Sometimes sitting down and writing a letter or e-mail helps -even if you never send it. It prepares your mind for the process and gets your thoughts organized. Sometimes when I write about something I'm amazed at the revelations that result.

Keep searching for your path-you'll find it.

JJ

[Guest Nadia]

Ok Natalie, I swear every post of yours that I have read concurs with how I feel 100% all of the time. This is starting to get scary. I'm the same, I know I want to transition, but something is stopping me from moving forward on the topic...I mean I know my mum wont help at all but that's irrelivant, I never expected her to. I think part of the thing holding me back my goal to persue a career in acting and from what you said on my topic it seems like thats a big issue for you too. After all, acting isn't a career you can put on hold if you want to succeed, you have to get in early and go flat out until you've established yourself. And if I (or you) were to transition we would have to put our careers on hold until we can trully pass, and then we'd have to be better than the other women to get roles...Its quite daunting really. But at the same time I know that I'm going to transition at some point and sooner is better than later if I want it to go well...

So yeah, I have no advice whatsoever because I am going through exactly the same thing.

By the way, email me please? Honestly I don't think I've ever met someone I feel so simmilar to