A Bad Day For A Friend

[Guest Emily Ray]

Hey everyone,

It looks like I have at least another day of freedom, so I am going to post this and just ask how am I supposed to deal with this. I have never been the cause of jealousy before.

A friend of mine that went through recovery with me saw me about 20 days ago and he came up and said hi and and told me that he had something he wanted to tell me. it turns out he is bisexual and has been living with a transwoman for a year or so. I saw him for a few hours one other time the thursday I went into the hospital. well he ran into me at the hospital again today and so he took me and another girl Margarite from VVSD and her esscort around to do some shoping and to get her hair cut. after we droped them of we went up to his appartment and she was just arude towards me. remember that she is trans also well she gives Vance and I the cold shoulder and goes into the bedroom. a few minutes go by and Vance goes in to talk to her and she threw a book at him and it hit and cut him on the forhead. words are said and so we both leave. Then when were at the bottom of the stairs she comes out the door and says something to him and throws in a comment about me being a "white b..ch". I turned around but Vance was calm and asked me to let it go, so I did for my friends sake. I have only been a woman for thirty-one days and already bull like this is happening.

I know it is her that is the problem. I was and will continue to be friends with him and she just doesn't get that it isn't ever going to be anything more than a friendship. I'm a declared asexual lesbian at this point plus he's like my brother. I just know that this isn't going to be the last time something like this will happen and that bothers me. my friend is hurting tonight and I can't help him and that hurts me.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest SilverDragon]

Hmm...

So what seems to be happening is your friend has a rude girlfriend. She is flawed, as many are.

I think you can take this in two different ways, both worth at least some consideration.

Many guys get together with girls whom are complete idiots. The fact that she's trans shouldn't change anything (or so your post leads me to believe). He just got together with some person whom you don't like. In this case, I'd ask exactly why he decided to date such a loser. If he has a legitimate reason, you might want to lay off and just avoid his girlfriend. If not, point it out to him. All in a friendly matter, of course.

On the other hand, you mentioned she was trans. Do you think the reason she is so bitter is because of nature or nurture. Perhaps she sees herself as the victim and is bitter to you because of bad memories. Knowing our community, it can't be far from the truth.

So overall, I would suggest that you at least try to befriend her at least once (and by that I mean let her know you mean no harm), and see if it isn't just her personality. If it happens to be, avoid her and tell your friend that she isn't as pretty as he thinks she is.

Hope this helped.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Hon...

I think thet your friend needs to sit down and talk to her and explain exactly what you and his relationship is!

THEN you may be able to approach her mnd develop a friendship if not a cease fire....

Good luck!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

Ok...she shouldn't be rude and violence is never the answer, but you are only seeing one side. Also he's a guy. Who's informed you that he's bi. And he's ok with dating t-girls.

You can never really know how far he wants to take this. Maybe he's tried stuff in the past and her jealousy is justified. Or, imagine this, she could just be a very insecure t-girl. Either way as badly as she's acting I can get her.

Kim

[JJ]

Hi Emily,

Your friend has chosen this woman and has lived with her for a year so he knows her well. And probably knew how violent her reaction was likely to be. It actually sounds like you got caught in the middle of something else that's going on for the reaction to be so immediate and violent. I guess what I'm saying is that it sounds like your friend may have put you both in this situation. Perhaps he was supposed to be home and stood her up to be with you. How someone behaves as a friend and in a relationship are completely different. And he's not likely to tell you what else there is to the story.

And since he is bi her reaction may have been the same whether he walked in with a man or a woman. .

Of course her reaction was unacceptable to someone she had just met. But many of us behave badly in the heat of emotion. Although hitting people with things is never okay.

My ex used to run into people he knew and drop everything spending time with them-often leaving me at home not knowing what had happened-sometimes all dressed up to go somewhere I didn't get to go because he didn't show. Then he'd roll in later with these people in tow and expect me to welcome them like long lost friends. I was civil as long as they were there but I was often so angry I could barely make my face smile. And I was raised in the southern tradition that you make all guests welcome no matter what-even if it was a banker with an eviction notice you'd be expected to offer tea and refreshments. I quickly learned any civility and he would keep these people around for hours to avoid my wrath. So I became less civil. It was a nightmare for me. Had I had the emotional issues of HRT and transition to deal with too I might have injured somebody. I wanted to. Since my ex was so friendly and outgoing these people never understood what they had walked into or why I was so upset. You may have walked into a very similar situation.

Anyway-don't feel bad. You didn't cause it and your friend knew what he was doing

Hugs

JJ

[Guest Emily Ray]

JJ and everyone else,

Thank you for your responses. JJ I do think that you might have hit the nail on the head with th description of your past experiences. She also is much younger then the both of us and may have dificulty communicating with him what she is feeling. I feel much better today, but I will limit my contact with her if she does stay in his life.

Huggs,

Emily