The Darkness Returns

[Sally]

The Darkness Returns

Some days are diamonds and some days are dust

An old saying used so often it can never rust

Twenty one thousand one hundred and fifty three

Enough days of dust when is that diamond for me

I have lived my life always trying to do right

I have prayed for others with all of my might

Yet for some reason my prayers for my self are always rejected

Looking for a place to be loved and accepted not always dejected

Like a dark veil obscuring the light

Plunging my world into eternal night

My hopes get lifted and I see my dreams

Just another way to tease me it seems

With hopes of a better life and even of love

Shattered in an instant like a blow from above

Why I must ask was I put here to suffer alone

I hear nothing at all unless I sigh or moan

With no answers no speech no love of any kind

Alone with the thoughts from a shattered mind

I lie in the dark and I cry and I weep

Finally exhausted and drained I sleep

I have tried all I know to make things better

For all of the effort it just does not matter

Those who share love will find it where ever they go

For me just a feeling I long for but will never know

I give my love freely to all that I meet

Only to be rejected and dumped at my feet

What is it missing from me that everyone can see

That makes it impossible for anyone to love me

All of my love (feel free to reject it - I am used to it)

Sally

[Guest Maria (Hilda)]

I'm trying so hard not to push my arms into my computer and give you a cuddle.

If only... -looks around for computer techs-

A key component to being loved by others is loving yourself, but you have always given love unconditionally. Everyone loves you, I ask why you don't love yourself? You're worthy of it, you are one of the few genuinely amazing people on this earth. Love yourself Sally, because we love you, and we always will.

We ALWAYS will.

Love and Cuddles.

[Guest Donna Jean]

A key component to being loved by others is loving yourself, but you have always given love unconditionally. Everyone loves you, I ask why you don't love yourself? You're worthy of it, you are one of the few genuinely amazing people on this earth. Love yourself Sally, because we love you, and we always will.

We ALWAYS will.

Love and Cuddles.

Out of the mouths of babes.....

(no offense, Maria)

Love

Donna Jean

[JJ]

Sally-I have said those word so often. Wailing them in despair in the dark. Then when it was done and I couldn't go on another step I found myself and found a way out of the darkness. Do I have a love -romantic love-in my life I can hold and be held by? No. Possibly never will.

But I have begun to love myself. To listen to the things say to me and to accept that there is truth there.

Until I loved myself no amount of love was enough. Without that there is nothing. Happy experiences sometimes-but no happiness.

You do have people who love and accept you-I know you do. You have someone to hug you. But it isn't enough.

I've been in that darkness. and no one-nothing can lead you out but you. Within there is a woman who loves and shares and gives. Love her.

look at her courage and determination-starting in a new life in a new place for the first time . Love her courage.

And forget the past-it is dead. Gone. Forever beyong fixing. Today is yours . Yesterday can't make you happy-never will. But today can. Free of the filter of the past.

give yourself a big hug-the kind Huggy gets, Then go look in your eyes in the mirror and tell yourself you are loved and lovable, It's true-and it's the key to the happiness you seek

Love you

JJ

[Guest therisa]

Sally-I have said those word so often. Wailing them in despair in the dark. Then when it was done and I couldn't go on another step I found myself and found a way out of the darkness. Do I have a love -romantic love-in my life I can hold and be held by? No. Possibly never will.

But I have begun to love myself. To listen to the things say to me and to accept that there is truth there.

Until I loved myself no amount of love was enough. Without that there is nothing. Happy experiences sometimes-but no happiness.

You do have people who love and accept you-I know you do. You have someone to hug you. But it isn't enough.

I've been in that darkness. and no one-nothing can lead you out but you. Within there is a woman who loves and shares and gives. Love her.

look at her courage and determination-starting in a new life in a new place for the first time . Love her courage.

And forget the past-it is dead. Gone. Forever beyong fixing. Today is yours . Yesterday can't make you happy-never will. But today can. Free of the filter of the past.

give yourself a big hug-the kind Huggy gets, Then go look in your eyes in the mirror and tell yourself you are loved and lovable, It's true-and it's the key to the happiness you seek

Love you

JJ

JJ, those are the hardest words, to accept when you have experience, a lifetime of hate and rejections. Like Sally, I too, am struggling on this front and more often than not, I can not see the light, which is lost, in the fog of daily life.

[Sally]

Therisa, the problem as JJ has said is from within.

We must now learn to retrain ourselves to accept love when it is offered rather than question and fear what is to come next - all love is not offered with strings attached.

I have so many wonderful friends and yet they have a hard time understanding that these feelings are not about them or anything that they have done - they have been drummed into us for so long but the good news is they stay and remind me that they are not planning on leaving even though through some of my dark poems they feel that I am trying to push them away or that I don't appreciate their love.

I owe so much to Donna Jean - she was the first to contact me directly through PMs and try to get me to post and to talk about the things that bothered me.

It is pretty obvious what all Lizzy has done for me - but more important than a new place to live and monetary support as I wait for my first full paycheck is the love and support she gives me - and it sounds like I don't appreciate - I do but self pity is a habit as hard to break as smoking - but it can be done we just have to really want to stop.

Be strong, that is what is needed be brave enough to try accepting the love that is offered.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest therisa]

Lessons, that I am still trying to learn. Am sorry, if I brought up dark painful memories for you, it was never my intention.

[Sally]

The dark and painful memories are always there but we need to deal with them before we can move on, I am working on it and writing to you helped, so don't feel bad, another step was taken.

Love ya,

Sally