Anyone Else Out There That Doesn't Feel The Need To 'pass'?

[Guest Redbeard]

Perhaps it's because people like myself are much more 'stealthy' and hard to spot, but as a genderqueer person who doesn't feel the need to be overtly feminine despite internally identifying as both male and female I sometimes feel a bit isolated in the trans community. I was just wondering if there were any other LP members like me in this area.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Well, I hope that you don't feel to isolated, Hon....

You're just harder to spot when you're not wearing a short skirt and 3" heels (like me)....

But, Actually I can see where you're coming from.

Just know that you are very welcome here...OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Redbeard]

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Just know that you are very welcome here...OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

Indeed, I have been very pleased with the welcome I've received here. You guys are awesome!

[Guest NatalieRene]

Indeed, I have been very pleased with the welcome I've received here. You guys are awesome!

I guess I fall into the category of person that tries their best to pass. But don't let that make you feel isolated. We're all human.

[Guest Opal]

Hi Redbeard,

Some of the need to 'pass' may be determined by the attitudes of where one lives. Someone in a 'Trans' friendly area might see things somewhat differently than someone in an unfriendly region. Some of it too, is how one feels about being 'stealth' at times.

I would dare say your situation might be somewhat unique for Laura's at this time. But you never know, someone might be out there that is either an inactive member or potential member that will see your posts and decide to jump in.

Sorry, I have not forgot about the documentary. Was just a busy day and out of town today.

Hugs,

Opal

[Guest Lillet Coll]

It's something I could live without, but I don't want to? I don't plan to wear much makeup, maybe some lipgloss. I'm not a big fan of dresses, but I might wear some anyways.

I don't really know? I do what feels right to me, if that means I act overtly feminine, neat I guess. If people consider me butch or something, well, I'd take it as a compliment too.

[Guest Lady.Violette]

I really don't plan to "pass" at all, until I've been on hormones for, at least, a year and I look very feminine without wearing girly clothes. Basically I'm just gonna go androgynous till I look more like a girl than someone in between. So Im really not dying to pass.

[Guest doodle]

I don't know what to say about this. I sometimes do gender queer presentations. I'm female

Kelly

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I'm a female-bodied non-binary who wears makeup, hair extensions and wigs quite often. I do always bind down my breasts, because I hate them, but I definitely rarely attempt to look like a genetic male. I even like looking pretty. Most days I dress masculinely because most days I don't want to bother to doll up, but I am not concerned with what gender people perceive me as.

[Guest Redbeard]

I'm a female-bodied non-binary who wears makeup, hair extensions and wigs quite often. I do always bind down my breasts, because I hate them, but I definitely rarely attempt to look like a genetic male. I even like looking pretty. Most days I dress masculinely because most days I don't want to bother to doll up, but I am not concerned with what gender people perceive me as.

That's kinda where I'm coming from. I've been wearing "mens clothes" for almost 25 years now, it's what I'm used to. If I were a MTF it'd be a different story, I fully understand MTF trans people wanting to be perceived as females both inside and out.

[Guest AshleyRF]

Passing 100% is all that matters to me. Otherwise I would just be treated as a trann1 and not as a real woman and thus would be missing the whole point of transitioning.

[Paula ult]

Passing is pretty important to me, everywhere i go that people that do not know me or my past i am treated as just another woman, and it feels good, work and people that knew him have trouble with pronouns but are trying, but with them i will probably always be remembered as him and it will take lots of work on my part and many years to be known as just another women, but for me that is the price of transitioning where i live and work, i am part stealth and part not.

Paula

[Guest nelo]

I've been wearing unisex or male clothes for... a long time. Even when I was young, I've worn my hair short since 1st grade. Really the only thing that screwed me over was puberty, so now I'm just trying to perhaps fix that a little.

It's awesome you can be comfortable with your body, but I just don't quite like mine.

But no matter how I look, I am genderqueer on the inside. I always have been. And for a while, just knowing that made me feel better.

And sorry if you feel isolated... but I know there are others like you... just at Laura's, I believe Micha is very similar to you.

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Well, not quite. I used to identify as F2M and dressed masculinely. I still hate my female body and want it to not male as much as nutrois, but I don't like the male gender role any better than the female one. I just would. However, I frankly just like being pretty and find clothing labeled feminine more visually attractive than most clothing labeled masculine. So, I dress how I want because I know that on the inside I am outside the binary.

[Guest Nibel]

I really want to pass someday, but for now and probably the next couple of years I'm going under stealth mode. I'm taking my HRT pills daily, for basically two reasons: 1) to feel the inner peace of having the correct biochemistry and 2) to continue my biological transformation process independently of my external appearance since the results are better when you are younger. I can't chance my lifestyle now, but yet I don't want to loose these precious years because society doesn't accept us yet. So I'm going for middle ground: I am taking the pills but nothing else. No facial laser, no body hair removal and no female clothes (except for some underwear now and then). I am also using a low dose to keep things steady but not rushing the process. I am very patient (even more after hormones) and I know the prize in the future will be huge. I just can't afford losing my life right now and that means specially my wife and my job. My wife is accepting of the process, but she needs some time to adjust to the changes and taking things slowly is working great. Also, she is very worried about her career and social life if things go full out right now. For me, the job I have I don't have any guarantee to keep if I do some harsh move, so I ratter keep stealth since I depend on the money I earn from it.

In the future I hope getting a more "stable" scenario where I can open myself to everybody and the damage done will be not enough to ruin our lives entirely (as it would be now). Now, after 3 months of HRT the main effects I am seeing is: psychological stability, some breast growth, hair re-growth, diminishing of the beard (and lot's of yellow "baby" beard hair), some diminishing of body hair (but not much) and a noticeable loss of weight, specially in the belly. Also my strength had a major drop, but I have more energy to do my work at home and at the company. I don't have the same need for sleeping as before (I've used to sleep 10 hrs a day or more, and now about 6 or 7). Probably many of those effects are consequences of the better state of humor. I've also noted that I smile more, but became more prone to crying too.

Anyway, as for passing (I have gone far away from the theme, didn't I?) I will probably feel more comfortable after some years of HRT because now I am still very manly and it would be an ugly thing to see, me in female clothes. My mind is better now and that's enough for me.

Kisses

[Guest nonamesleft]

I think it would be great to be able to pass, but it is not something that I let dictate my happiness. I have too many knocks against me as it is, and everyone I know and work with already know about me, anyway. Its kind of funny, when I was frolicking around as a 'gay man', I was always read as straight, or at least straight-acting. It was not that I wanted to present that way, just the way I was. I actually really envied the gay guys that were obviously gay/flamy/etc. In some ways, its easier for them because there is no big 'coming out' moment. Everyone just knows, and treats you accordingly. But now that I am transitioning, I find that in a way, I have got exactly what I asked for. Now, everyone knows about me, not being gay, but being trans. I don't dress in a way that attracts attention, and for the most part, I don't draw any. But anyone who stares at me or hears me talk will be able to figure it out if they are paying attention. Fortunately, I live in a state where I am protected, and in an area where we are at least tolerated.

One major problem I see in the trans community is that too many of us go 'stealth' as soon as we can, then we just sort of 'forget' about our GID. I certainly understand the desire to be treated equally, to not be harassed, beaten up, fired, not hired, etc. Society can be pretty screwed up and bigoted. But the problem is that this just makes our community invisible. And if no one knows we are here, no one will care about us, much less learn to understand and tolerate us. When the only trans people that are visible are the ones who stick out and command attention, then the public gets a very limited view of us, and thinks we are all freaks. Even the gay community will throw us under the bus on occasion. But in their defense, I have been to more pride events in more cities than I can remember, and the trans visibility there is usually next to none. We need to remind the gay community that we are here, and we have always been fighting right alongside them, going back to Stonewall and beyond.

Having come from the gay community, I have seen first hand the direct relation between a greater number of people coming out, and overall acceptance in society. 30-40 years ago, the only gays and lesbians you would see were the extremes, drag queens, leather daddies, super-butch dykes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love all those aspects of the LGBTQ community, but the public as a whole was very put-off by us because of it. It made it easier for them to view us as freaks and deviates, rather than as normal people trying to live normal lives. It was only after people they new and respected came out, that they finally realized the lgb's were not something to be feared. When their son/daughter/sister/teacher/neighbor/co-worker started to come out, they finally saw that we were everywhere, doing everything, and were just normal people trying to live normal lives. That is a big reason why gay rights have come so far in the last 10-15 years. Now almost every school has a GSA, gay characters are almost ubiquitous in TV/Movies, we are protected against hate crimes and sodomy laws, and we are even starting to see widespread acceptance of gay marriage. But trans rights will always be an afterthought if we all hide in the shadows. Some of us need to sacrifice our own comfort in the name of a greater good, but that is a very personal decision that no one should be forced to make. But we need to support and appreciate those who are fighting the good fight.

[Guest AshleyRF]

I would love to forget about what I am. I just want to be a woman, not a transwoman, or any variation there of, but a normal everyday average woman. Being trans in not something I have ever or will ever be "proud" of or even admit openly to people that I am. It is my biggest flaw.

[Guest Larson]

I'm in pretty much the exact same position as praisedbeherhooves except perhaps leaning more towards the masculine. FTM is the closest LP forum label to how I feel so it's what I put as my label on here... I waver between thinking of myself as a Trans Man and as GenderQueer... but I never pass as male unless I'm in drag. My male clothing wardrobe is increasing and I prefer to always bind, but I also wear make up and have long hair. My expressions of my male identity through clothing typically come off as a fashionable tom boy rather than looking anything like a guy.

I sometimes feel isolated within the community because I definitely do not feel that transitioning is a life or death situation for myself. I wish beyond anything else that I had been born male or AT LEAST been allowed to transition as a small child... but at this stage in my life, things are so complicated and I've lived so long in this body as a female... that transitioning is probably not something I would want to do. I also agree with praisedbeherhooves with wanting to look "pretty" sometimes. I'm attracted to guys and so sometimes I'll ditch my teenage boy look and dress like a real girl... but it always feels like cross dressing.

Sorry for sort of rambling here. I hope that even though I'm coming from the opposite direction of things, you can sort of feel a little less isolated by hearing my similar sentiments.