Alienation

[Guest therisa]

We all have memories of our childhood

Reliving them in our mind's eye

Mementos of an innocent time

When our dreams of love and hope

Are tempered by pain and lost.

My mind's eye sees

A six year old child playing

In a bathtub filled high with bubbles

Building breasts with the frothy white foam

Wanting so badly to be just like mom

Draping the towel around the body

Like her.

A fey child who learned to hide her true nature

Trying to hide behind a mask of masculinity in sports

On the soccer pitch and the hockey arena

Best to describe the failed experiment

Average kid at best before quitting

As a teenager.

No science fiction/fantasy book was safe

From my hungry teenage eyes

Looking for a possible way to

Permanently change my body's gender

Without anyone the wiser

Talk about living in the land of "De Nile"

Given i refused to acknowledge this

Out loud.

Wonder what went through my parents' minds

When i didn't bring any girls home to meet them

Thinking i was late bloomer

Or worse a homosexual.

It's the late 1980s

AIDS is destroying the global Gay community

Trust me when i say Health Ed teachers

Were uncomfortable if not hostile

When talking about Gay/Lesbian issues

Even among the kids

Sharp crude and painful barbs were

Standard schoolyard jokes.

Wish my parents had asked me then

Instead of waiting years before my mom

Accidentally "Out"ed me

Things could have been different

If my dad was still alive in 2006

Moderating mom's emotional impulses

Towards me.

Somethings memories can't hide

No matter how much we wish

Just have to find a way to accept this

As i move on.

Note To Reader: Originally written January 30, 2010.

[Guest gauri]

hi! therisa

its really very touching poem

it reminded me my childhood............

gauri

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Therisa,

I have lived through all of what you have described. At on the edge of 50, I have seen everything (and I mean everything). I remember clearly the days before AIDS, I remember clearly when AIDS arrived. I remember the myopic sight of blaming homosexuals for AIDS when at that time I was trying to teach all those who would listen that HIV is a virus and a virus does not discriminate.

Maybe your experience of coming out to your mother was not productive, but mine was very enriching.

Your negative experience is not mine. Your memories are not mine.

Remember, you speak for only yourself. You do not speak for all.

You certainly do not speak for me.

Brenda