A Back To School Hello

[Guest Beth950]

My two boys are at school, the one year old is asleep, my wife is back at work after burning her last few days off for the summer and the house is quiet.

I haven't had a day to myself in months, 2 1/2 months to be exact. Taking the time to introduce myself has taken a lot of thought and a lot of courage.

I've known since about four years of age that having the body of a boy didn't match how I felt in my mind. I've always understood the phrase "coming out of the closet" to mean that you could put on what ever clothes made you feel most beautiful and wear them whenever you wanted.

I am usually shy and quiet and I do not have any long term friendships other than my wife. At this point in time, we are trying to determine if our marriage will survive and what the future holds in store for us.

I've known that I have problems with Gender Identify for about 35 years while my wife has only been suspecting something for the past 2-3 years while we've struggled to communicate.

I have been seeing a therapist since May. For the first time, I actually told someone how I really feel about myself. I have always seen myself as a woman in the wrong body. After all of my worries and years of refusal to talk to someone, I can't believe that I actually said it out loud while someone was in the same room and that the world didn't come to an end.

I have been unemployed for a year. My job contract finished at the end of August 2009 which looked like a good time to take a break from employment. Our daughter was only a few weeks old at the time my job ended. It has been a wonderful year seeing her grow from a little bitty baby into a walking, running, tumbling beautiful girl.

I am terrified that I will lose my children. I have always been their primary caregiver. I am the parent that stays home from work when children are sick, I leave work early to pick up a sick child, I am late to work because of doctor's appointments. I don't really have a career other than caring for my children.

While at home taking care of the baby, I have been able to dress how I feel for the past year and my wardrobe of women's clothing has grown considerably. I have never let anyone see me dressed En Femme. I'm not sure of what lies ahead of me but at least I'm moving forward again.

Nice to meet everyone.

[Sally]

Hello Beth,

It is certainly nice to meet you.

Would you like to come in and have a cup of hot cocoa and some of my fresh baked cookies?

Please do look over the forum riles and I am sure that you will find this a warm and comforting place to be.

The initial coming out phase and actually saying that you have a gender identity issue is one of the most confusing and worrisome times.

Take heart I the fact that almost 90% of the things we worry about most never happen.

Work with your wife and there is no need to lose your children, it may not be easy but some can manage it, so don't just give up hpe.

Welcome to our family and do not be afraid to post, we all support each other.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Hello, Beth...

Welcome to the Playground!

I'm Donna Jean...

Yes, where you are right now is indeed a scary place...having kids, wife and responsibilities towards them makes everything that much harder..

I'm 60 and transitioning...lots of times it is very hard for us..and the thing is ...we can't deny ourselves...

I will s4end you good vibes and wish you the best of luck, Hon....

It's nice to have you here!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Welcome to Laura's Beth. I know exactly where you are coming from with the kids as I have three myself. I am terrified I am going to lose them and my wife but I can no longer deny who I am. I have been doing it for 29 years already.

I hope things work out for you and your family. If you have any questions feel free to post them and we will try to help.

[Guest Opal]

Hi Beth,

Welcome to Laura's! Nice to have you join us! Please do feel free to continue posting as you are comfortable in doing so.

Once you are up to five postings, you can make use of the optional Personal Messenger (PM) system here.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Cowboy]

Welcome to laura's.

[Guest Mia J]

Hello Beth,

Welcome to the group. You will find a lot of support here. You are in a very scary place right now but don't feel alone, a lot of us have been there and are here to help when you need to talk. Have you and your wife talked about couple's therapy? Or maybe she would be willing to talk with your therapist. I really hope we can give you support through this time.

Mia

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Beth,

<< hug >>

Welcome to Laura's Playground

It is nice to see you found us.

vanna

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Beth,

I can imagine what you're going through. I'm 63 and have 3 adult children, and currently two grandchildren, (11 & 10). I have had to ask myself a lot over the years. What do I want, what would make me happy. Because (as I've written often), I've had desires to be of the opposite sex since I was at least 5. I have chosen to live with being a cross-dresser. My spouse is aware to an extent and has tried to work it into our lives a little. I came out to her in the first year of our marriage which has passed 32 years. I never did to my first wife (of six years) and I am so glad I didn't because there would still be severe problems.

So each case is different, and choices are made. Sometimes not the ideal, but in the long run, perhaps they make sense. Only you can determine which choices you'll decide. Hopefully by sharing and reading here, it will help you make the one that will give you peace.

We're glad you're here and you've decided to share. That in itself is a huge step.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Penelope]

Welcome, Beth.

I think most of us have dilemmas about how much we can be our true selves and not wanting to lose loved ones.

All the best,

Penny

[Guest penumbra]

Ello, Beth

Glad to meet you.

I wish I could say that I understand exactly where you are coming from, but I have had to walk another path that has been quite hard. The most important thing you need to do is to decide which direction is ultimately best for you. That is a very tough call especially when love and family is at stake. If your wife really loves you the way I hope she does, I am certain the cards will fall right. After all she is still who she is and you will always be you (even if you transition). I hope everything works out for you. It’s a long hard road, but one well traveled.

PEACE AND FLOWERS MAHHHH!