Does Anyone Ever Get Used To...

[Guest GKay]

Normally I wouldn't post this much but going back to school has my mind working over time again.

Does anyone else ever get used to being the disruption in society? I'm not new to my gender identity by any means (neutrois, though I introduced myself here as androgynous). I'm an asocial person, so while I've faced my identity, accepted it, and embraced it I haven't had much real interaction with people outside of my family. I had my first college class in a year today and it dawned on me that I did, in fact, stand out and people noticed. You would think this would have crossed my mind first thing, but it didn't. It doesn't bother me- I'm used to sticking out in other ways as well that have nothing to do with gender identity or my androgynous appearance.

Has anyone else experienced this, and how do you feel about it?

Personally, I like it. I'll hardly say anything in a classroom, but I'm the person who will switch seats on a regular basis just to offset things.

I have no idea how transgendered/transsexual/anyone else who passes for one gender or the other would answer this since standing out in that way doesn't seem to be something that is desired, but you're welcome to give your input if you'd like.

[Guest Chrysee]

I know exactly what you mean! All I have ever had to do to stand out is just show up! And it seems the more I try to blend in, the more attention I draw to myself. And then people project stuff on me and react. I could be standing facing the wall, and someone would come up and say something like: "What's the matter, think you're too good to look at the rest of us?"

If something happened in class back when I was in school, the teacher would scan the room and I would try to avoid him, staring at a book and trying my hardest not to look up. The next thing I knew, the teacher would be standing next to my desk scowling at me. If I still refused to look up, he'd nudge my desk and tell me to go to the dean's office.

The other day, a young lady approached the at a bus stop. She seemed very timid, but tried to smile as she spoke:

"You look like somebody famous. I just can't figure out who you are."

Well, Sweetie, figuring out who I am has become a full time job of late, so leave me alone.

And this was going on long before I ever began to wear make up and women's clothes.

My son has similar experiences, and we have (half jokingly) concluded that it's something in our genes.

Doubt if that was much help,, but thanks for bringing it up.

Chrysalis

[Guest GKay]

I know exactly what you mean! All I have ever had to do to stand out is just show up! And it seems the more I try to blend in, the more attention I draw to myself. And then people project stuff on me and react. I could be standing facing the wall, and someone would come up and say something like: "What's the matter, think you're too good to look at the rest of us?"

Ha, I get that a lot too. I'm not even doing anything on purpose, just being myself but somehow that comes across as being... arrogant, maybe? Or stuck up. Or... I don't know. But whatever it is, people either really don't like it and react accordingly (intimidated or hostile), or they are intrigued and won't leave me alone- they want to be friends with the "different" one. I decided a while ago to embrace it but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

[Guest Silver Dreams]

I guess I'm use to being seen as odd at this point. I look much younger than I am and I look very girly, not like today's supermodel standard but the old school hourglass figure. I'm also very short. Most people assume that I am much younger than I am and also assume that I'm a girly, girl, until I talk. It's interesting I sing in the first soprano range but I naturally pitch my talking voice at a lower pitch than most females, the oddness is amplified by my young and feminine features. It's not even something I do on purpose, I've just naturally always talked that way. Also I'm quite smart and use a lot of unique words. I also speak my mind, all the time. I don't back down but I'm also not overly aggressive, so it's hard for people to label me as a b-word but they also can't say that I'm submissive either.

I get a lot of tension with people because it is hard to label my in many ways, not just gender. It's hard to place my sexuality, age, intelligence, social class,political ideals, and religious affiliation. If you looked at me you would think typical middle class, white, teenage girl but I don't identify as any of those things.

I think this ticks people off, like they think I'm trying to lie to them, make them believe I'm something that I'm not, but they are the ones that make judgments based on my appearance. Not my fault if I don't live up to their expectations.

[Guest Chrysee]

Ha, I get that a lot too. I'm not even doing anything on purpose, just being myself but somehow that comes across as being... arrogant, maybe? Or stuck up. Or... I don't know. But whatever it is, people either really don't like it and react accordingly (intimidated or hostile), or they are intrigued and won't leave me alone- they want to be friends with the "different" one. I decided a while ago to embrace it but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I belonged to a 12 Step support group for many years and one of the slogans you'd so often hear was: 'You Are Not Unique!"

Now one thing, you never, ever contradicted or questioned or (God forbid) disagreed with any of these mottos, One day, before a meeting, a bunch of us were sitting around grumbling. After I got done ranting, my sponsor took his pipe out out his mouth long enough to shake his head, smirk and say: "You're not unique!"

There was a moment while everyone nodded his way, smiling. At last, a very best friend of mine spoke up and said:

"If you can say that, then you don't know him."

Well you could have heard a pin drop. But the point is, I. . .just. . .don't. . .blend. . .in.

Whew!

Chrysalis

[Guest GKay]

"You're not unique!"

...Is that supposed to be a helpful thing in a support group?

[Guest Chrysee]

...Is that supposed to be a helpful thing in a support group?

It's aimed at one's suffering. It's intended to assure the person that they're not the only one to have undergone what they might believe is unique to them. As well, some substance abusers (did I say 'some?') are notorious egotists. Telling them they're not unique might just get them off their high horse and back on the ground with everyone else.

That's basically it.

Perhaps it's my ego speaking, but I always found it offensive. I mean, I was so needing to feel good about myself for something, and for me it was believing that I was, indeed, one of a kind!

Thanks for asking!

Chrysalis Sartorious

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Well, as far as sticking out....I did go through a period....and I didn't like it at all.....

Stage 1: Obviously male.....that sucked...

Stage 2: Androgenous....this is where I stood out because I was in that place between genders that draws attention.."Is that person male or female?"....I hated that!

Stage 3: Passing 98.6% of the time...this where I'm blending back in and can just be myself...I like this part....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

I am starting to get into stage 2 as Dee Jay would call it. I have been ma'amed and then appologized to for making a mistake. I loved the first part but then was disappointed when the second came.

I myself don't like to stick out too much. I prefer to stay behind the scenes and just let everyone think about something else. I don't want to be the topic of conversation but I won't have a choice about that soon as I will be to far gone to present male anymore. That part is perfectly fine with me.

[JJ]

Yes, all my life I wanted to be like everyone else and yet............I was also proud of much that made me unique in many ways I liked my inteligence and artistic ability. Now I have a granddaughter who is more intelligent, I realize that it isolated me from my peers but it was not the determining factor. Even though the other kids don't get her jokes or understand some of her discussions and she is the littlest kid in her class she stil makes friends and has more acceptance than I did. Because she is secure in who she is and sends out the appropriate signals. And she likes people.

I think we make people uneasy-most of us-because we send out the wrong signals as children and other children pick that up quickly. As adults we then act unsure and uneasy. Expecting to be singled out-we signal to others that we should be. We make peole nervous and uneasy. Until we transition emotionally and accept ourselves. That is the basic bottom line-accepting ourseves as we are at that moment.

I haven't maade any real outward changes but I am me now-take me as you will-not trying to hide or be someone else. And people are so much friendlier and more accepting it still amazes me. I am clearly female bodied but wear andro. or male clothes and no one seems to notice. I think for MtFs this is much more difficult and causes some attention but if you are comfortable with it others soon stop even noticing.

But I am a true introvert and am happiest with one or two close friends. I need time alone to recharge. I thought that also caused people to be uncomfortable-but now it doesn't seem to as much. Not that I have been outright rejected as an adult. People seemed to like or tolerate me okay. There was just the barrier, that sense of discomfort and not being one of them which has finally gone. To be accepted you really just have to be yourself and even if you are odd or different people will still relax and accept you too.

Old dogs cn still learn new tricks it seems:D

JohnJ

[Guest Micha]

Perhaps it's my ego speaking, but I always found it offensive. I mean, I was so needing to feel good about myself for something, and for me it was believing that I was, indeed, one of a kind!

Agreed. I understood what the intention was, but I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue. If indeed we as individuals we not unique, I wonder, would there be any point to life? How can we not be unique? No two people are the same, not genetically, not consciously and certainly not after the infinitely different life experiences that are possible. To think my existence could just be a repetition of someone else before me, that would be a horror.

[Guest Chrysee]

Agreed. I understood what the intention was, but I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue. If indeed we as individuals we not unique, I wonder, would there be any point to life? How can we not be unique? No two people are the same, not genetically, not consciously and certainly not after the infinitely different life experiences that are possible. To think my existence could just be a repetition of someone else before me, that would be a horror.

What's more, if it's true as has been said that Deity created humankind both to see Itself from our view point as well as to experience life, then It could have stopped with Adam & Eve and saved a lot of labor and body parts.

Luv ya!

Chrysalis

[Guest GKay]

It's aimed at one's suffering. It's intended to assure the person that they're not the only one to have undergone what they might believe is unique to them. As well, some substance abusers (did I say 'some?') are notorious egotists. Telling them they're not unique might just get them off their high horse and back on the ground with everyone else.

That's basically it.

Perhaps it's my ego speaking, but I always found it offensive. I mean, I was so needing to feel good about myself for something, and for me it was believing that I was, indeed, one of a kind!

Thanks for asking!

Chrysalis Sartorious

I see. It makes sense, but my pride wouldn't take it well. Heh. I'm a closet egotist.

[Guest Chrysee]

I see. It makes sense, but my pride wouldn't take it well. Heh. I'm a closet egotist.

Well, not anywhere you aren't. Hey, come on out and join the parade. You know which way 'out' is, dontcha?

Chrysalis

[Guest Silver Dreams]

Yes, all my life I wanted to be like everyone else and yet............I was also proud of much that made me unique in many ways I liked my inteligence and artistic ability. Now I have a granddaughter who is more intelligent, I realize that it isolated me from my peers but it was not the determining factor. Even though the other kids don't get her jokes or understand some of her discussions and she is the littlest kid in her class she stil makes friends and has more acceptance than I did. Because she is secure in who she is and sends out the appropriate signals. And she likes people.

I think we make people uneasy-most of us-because we send out the wrong signals as children and other children pick that up quickly. As adults we then act unsure and uneasy. Expecting to be singled out-we signal to others that we should be. We make peole nervous and uneasy. Until we transition emotionally and accept ourselves. That is the basic bottom line-accepting ourseves as we are at that moment.

I haven't maade any real outward changes but I am me now-take me as you will-not trying to hide or be someone else. And people are so much friendlier and more accepting it still amazes me. I am clearly female bodied but wear andro. or male clothes and no one seems to notice. I think for MtFs this is much more difficult and causes some attention but if you are comfortable with it others soon stop even noticing.

But I am a true introvert and am happiest with one or two close friends. I need time alone to recharge. I thought that also caused people to be uncomfortable-but now it doesn't seem to as much. Not that I have been outright rejected as an adult. People seemed to like or tolerate me okay. There was just the barrier, that sense of discomfort and not being one of them which has finally gone. To be accepted you really just have to be yourself and even if you are odd or different people will still relax and accept you too.

Old dogs cn still learn new tricks it seems:D

JohnJ

Hmm I've always been on the edge of social groups because I am so different from the norm in so many ways, not fitting in the gender binary, having a non hetero sexuality, being way above average intellectually and even my physical appearance (I'm very short and very curvy especially for a Caucasian). But eventually I made an amazing group of friends who accept me for all that I am mostly because they are all sort of social outcasts in multiple ways as well.

I am okay with me. I can't really remember a time when I wasn't but it seems generally most people still feel a weirdness around me. I often wonder if it is just because of how honest I am and open. I don't care much for barriers. It's like others are the ones with barriers instead of me. Reading your post made me wonder. Maybe we all have different preferred levels of social engagement...

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

When I see someone who it's difficult to classify the gender of, I stare not because I'm confused, but because I'm both attracted and jealous. Keep in-mind you don't know what the people looking at you are thinking. Disgust? Confusion? Attraction? Envy? It could be fun. If it doesn't bother you, don't worry about it! Enjoy it now in-case the novelty fades.