Some Questions About Thearapy

[Guest Kristen S]

This is more or less preliminary research seeing as I won't be able to afford/attend therapy for another 8-12 months, but I figure the more research I do now, the quicker I can get things started when I can attend. So here goes:

1. I really feel I'd be more comfortable with a female therapist just because I've always been more comfortable with female doctors, but I don't want to limit myself right off the bat. Has anyone here started therapy preferring a female, but been equally happy with a male?

2. I'm still not 100% sure where exactly I fall on the gender spectrum, so should I not even consider online therapy? I read in a different thread that online therapy is used primarily to get letters to start HRT. Saving money would be nice, but it doesn't compare to me spending an extra couple hundred and saving myself from making a huge mistake.

3. Is a PhD an important thing to look for? I've always been of the impression that more education=better doctor, but I have no idea how that transfers into the realm of mental health.

4. How does the topic of gender identity usually come up? Does the therapist bring it up, do you have to, or does it depend on who it is? I'm just worried that if I have to bring it up it may never come up :x

I'm probably forgetting some questions too, but this is more than enough for now.

[Paula ult]

This is more or less preliminary research seeing as I won't be able to afford/attend therapy for another 8-12 months, but I figure the more research I do now, the quicker I can get things started when I can attend. So here goes:

1. I really feel I'd be more comfortable with a female therapist just because I've always been more comfortable with female doctors, but I don't want to limit myself right off the bat. Has anyone here started therapy preferring a female, but been equally happy with a male?

My therapist is male, he is not a gender therapist, but i knew within the first few minutes that we would get along great, he said i could go to one of the others in the office that were gender therapists, two of which were women but i felt comfortable with him, i depends if you and your therapist click or not.

2. I'm still not 100% sure where exactly I fall on the gender spectrum, so should I not even consider online therapy? I read in a different thread that online therapy is used primarily to get letters to start HRT. Saving money would be nice, but it doesn't compare to me spending an extra couple hundred and saving myself from making a huge mistake.

With transition you surely do not want to make a mistake, after some time going back will be difficult, especially after srs, if there is no gender therapist near you an online therapist might have to do, if you have other issues like many of us do then an online therapist is probably not the best way to go.

3. Is a PhD an important thing to look for? I've always been of the impression that more education=better doctor, but I have no idea how that transfers into the realm of mental health.

If you decide surgery is in your future, 2 letters are usually needed, one can be from a therapist but the other should have a PhD.

4. How does the topic of gender identity usually come up? Does the therapist bring it up, do you have to, or does it depend on who it is? I'm just worried that if I have to bring it up it may never come up :x

You would have to bring it up, you need to be brutally honest with your therapist or you are wasting your time and money, if you go in dressed as a girl, i am sure that might be one of the first questions asked.

I'm probably forgetting some questions too, but this is more than enough for now.

Preparing for the future will hopefully make things go smoother.

Paula

[Carolyn Marie]

Kristen, Paula pretty much nailed it with her answers.

To add just a bit: you'll find that the majority, perhaps a big majority, of therapists don't have Doctorates. To me, experience

is more important than the degree. Although I haven't talked to an online therapist, my gut feeling is that a flesh and blood one

is probably better, unless unavailability, distance and cost are important factors for you.

Carolyn Marie

[JenniferB]

Kristen, I changed my GT because she was too willing to give me HRT and IMO wasn't qualified to be a GT and didn't follow the Standards of Care (SoC or Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association's Standards Of Care). So I found another GT that was recommended by my electrologist (they are like barbers, they know all the gossip). My current GT has a PhD in Psychology AND she follows the SoC. She has taken her time in giving me recommend letter, but as I'm going on I'm thanking her more and more for that. The reason is you have to show continued progress in your transitioning. It's made me progress. If it wasn't important, it would have faded away.

If your gender dysphoria fades away in a few months, then your GT has done you a service. Physical transitioning is one of the hardest things you will have to do in life. The person transitioning has to be willing to change, and more than that. You have to have the feeling you have to change. I know in my case, it's not very often that I don't think about becoming a woman. The power of that feeling hasn't lessened one bit, but I knew it wouldn't.

So I think you are wise Kristen in asking questions to make sure you are making the right decision. You live in Illinois so you can't be too far from a big city or major college campus.

I hope you can find a quality GT who knows his/preferably her profession and find what you seek.

With Love,

Jenny

[Guest Sabine1]

Hi Kristen -- I struggled with the same questions and posted my experience in another thread here, but here is what I found:

This is more or less preliminary research seeing as I won't be able to afford/attend therapy for another 8-12 months, but I figure the more research I do now, the quicker I can get things started when I can attend. So here goes:

1. I really feel I'd be more comfortable with a female therapist just because I've always been more comfortable with female doctors, but I don't want to limit myself right off the bat. Has anyone here started therapy preferring a female, but been equally happy with a male?

- I have the same inclination, but by pure chance my therapists have always been female (and I started in childhood) and my MDs have always been male (apart from one dermatologist) -- until now, as I expect I'll feel more comfortable with a female MD as well. I happened to "click" with mine, but I also researched and networked among the TS groups where I am and that narrowed it. I would focus on finding whomever I feel comfortable with, is best qualified, and who seems to be the best fit for me emotionally regardless of gender. Still, if your comfort level is influenced by the gender of your therapist, that may be an important filter to start with. Therapy requires complete honesty with yourself and your therapist, and if you feel inhibited it will take much longer to find your answers.

2. I'm still not 100% sure where exactly I fall on the gender spectrum, so should I not even consider online therapy? I read in a different thread that online therapy is used primarily to get letters to start HRT. Saving money would be nice, but it doesn't compare to me spending an extra couple hundred and saving myself from making a huge mistake.

- I think your instinct here is right: find a therapist to find out about YOU not to obtain the HRT letter (which will be there if it makes sense), and for the reason you give. Therapy is about self knowledge. Gender, sexuality, and identity are complex and intertwined issues. Ideally your therapist should have no preconceived notions and outcomes and only help you navigate through the questions and help you find your answers. As to online, for me, I would not pursue it unless I had no local options, and for some people that is the case. Therapy is nuanced and a face to face discussion is free flowing and spontaneous. Your manner, body language, presentation, and general interaction are part of your conversation, even if you are not aware of it. A good therapist will catch more about you than you understand by how you interact, and share that with you.

3. Is a PhD an important thing to look for? I've always been of the impression that more education=better doctor, but I have no idea how that transfers into the realm of mental health.

- This depends on the type of PhD. I asked exactly the same question, and I do think that the PhD can make a difference, but only if it is the the right field and coupled with experience with GT. A trained clinical psychologist PhD can help identify whether there are other issues or problems involved such as personality disorders etc that may account for your conflicts, or to help rule them out. Most GTs I have looked into have a masters in social work or psychology and may have some exposure to additional training beyond their GT work. While they may be good at GT counseling, they may not have the background to catch other aspects of what is happening in your case. As Jennifer mentioned, SOC is critical as is experience with gender issues. You are looking for an informed diagnosis. While I know the "self diagnosis" aspect is important, what you feel and your experience, your are considering a life-changing decision and need all the professional advice and observations you can get.

4. How does the topic of gender identity usually come up? Does the therapist bring it up, do you have to, or does it depend on who it is? I'm just worried that if I have to bring it up it may never come up :x

- As Paula said, you are there to talk about it, so start there. Don't be shy about it, be honest. She is right, you are wasting time and money if you don't confront that issue from the start. Besides, why be inhibited with your therapist? He or she has heard many other stories likes yours and is not a judge but an advocate for you. In my case, I told my therapist in the first few sentences that I wanted to talk about my gender issues and what I felt were related matters. It quickly opened the way to really helpful discussion and soul searching.

I'm probably forgetting some questions too, but this is more than enough for now.

I would also echo the others: you are taking a good approach. Lots of research and planning is wise and will help smooth your path whatever it may be.

- Sabine

[Guest Elizabeth K]

What people said, just some additional ideas:

1. I really feel I'd be more comfortable with a female therapist just because I've always been more comfortable with female doctors, but I don't want to limit myself right off the bat. Has anyone here started therapy preferring a female, but been equally happy with a male?

Either or - a GOOD GT is what you want - and someone you feel comfortable with. Mine is female therapist and she and I eventually bonded as women - grin - which was a bonus

2. I'm still not 100% sure where exactly I fall on the gender spectrum, so should I not even consider online therapy? I read in a different thread that online therapy is used primarily to get letters to start HRT. Saving money would be nice, but it doesn't compare to me spending an extra couple hundred and saving myself from making a huge mistake.

You have a good attitude, and well thought out. Go slow.

3. Is a PhD an important thing to look for? I've always been of the impression that more education=better doctor, but I have no idea how that transfers into the realm of mental health.

Mine is PhD therapist - and in my state we have to have two letters - one from a PhD gender trained therapist. Actually it's the experience I think a PhD adds - because my therapist is PhD she has a huge client base - and has traeted hundreds of transpeople - knows the rules - and with me, shortcut some, extended others, resultin in a more custom fit.

4. How does the topic of gender identity usually come up? Does the therapist bring it up, do you have to, or does it depend on who it is? I'm just worried that if I have to bring it up it may never come up :x

HA! Walk in - say you may be gender dysphoric - IMMEDIATELY! I actually told my therapist over the phone when setting up my first appointment. We went right into it - first session.

Hope this helps. And remember - BE BRUTALLY HONEST! Your therapist will eventually be the best friend you will ever have.

Lizzy

[Guest KimberlyF]

Just wanted to say an online GT isn't just to get a HRT letter. 6 months ago there was zero chance I could sit down with someone face to face and say outloud I was TS. When I was late teens/early twenties I met a bunch of TSs and TVs in different states. They knew me as TS. But then I really started to struggle with it and what exactly that meant. I prepaid for a bunch of online sessions and she made me realize some things and think about myself in ways I had not in decades. My final prepaid exchange I was pretty much just thanking her and telling her that I'd quickly outgrown that format and needed to talk face to face with someone about this.

I was a little sad my insurance wouldn't pay for her since she did live therapy too.

But I hit the ground running with my next one because of the online stuff.

Kim

[Guest Donna Jean]

But I hit the ground running with my next one because of the online stuff.

Kim

Yeah, Kim....help comes in many forms...

I'm glad that it laid the groundwork for you to continue....

That's wonderful.....everything has it's purpose!

Huggs

Donna Jean