Tuesday Night Cathartic Moment

[Guest therisa]

Late Tuesday night, I had a cathartic moment, which I was able to place to rest, part of my past, which I have been having regular flashbacks about, since 2006, the time that my mom found out about me, being a TS. These flashbacks dealt with the almost daily schoolyard bullying that I experienced until I transferred to a different high school, at the end of grade 10, starting from kindergarten. Think I am cursed, in that I can remember the names of those boys, whom made me, their target, even though, in some cases, more than 30 years have pass since the incidents. I will not make their names, public, as they can not defend their actions, fairly here. Probably, most have forgotten about me and what did happen back then.

I started with a mental list of their names, and thought about their own home life, whether they lived in: an abusive situation; parents are divorced; or just trying to find their position, in the pecking order that boys have. As I sorted out my list, I realized most of them, are from broken up families or abusive situations. Am not saying that this excuses them, with a total amnesty for their action, rather helps me, to understand their motivating drive, to release their frustration upon a human target.

In understanding better, the migrating circumstances of these years, surrounding the issues of child abuse and family break-ups, I has help to come to grips, with it. How most people pretend that this didn’t happen within their own families. Except, i am left, with this following question, that I am struggling to understand: Why didn’t I become a bully, myself, given the experiences, I have lived through? Heaven knows, I fit perfectly the pattern from, which most bullies emerged from. Sigh.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Yes, Hon....you do fit the profile...

But, the fact that you are letting this all go shows what you are made of....

Good on you, Honey....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Sharah]

Therisa,

Psychology is a very complex science. There are many different ways our minds deal with the horrors of our lives. Some, like those boys, will become abusers or bullys trying to give to others what they have received. Others, like yourself, will become sensitive people who empathize very easily with another's pain trying to help others to live with less agony they have. Whichever way the mind takes someone it is because it is trying to deal with the situation they have lived through.

The human mind is a very confusing world, but it is often effective in protecting us from the things we need to deal with in our lives. It is just that sometimes the mind chooses a coping method that is not really healthy in the long run and that is when we need to get the assistance of psychologists or therapists to sort things out.

[Paula ult]

Therisa hon,

I know exactly how you feel, all through junior and senior high school i was picked on by 2 boys that were friends, they even went so far as to break into my locker and steal some things, i did not report it because i had no proof as i guess they had watched as i had opened my combination lock. to this day over 40 years later i still remember their names and faces, i do know one of them had a very troubled home life, but that is no excuse for making anyone life a living hell..

Therisa, i know how hard it is letting go of what happened in the past, but it is just that the past, my guess is like me you have not seen those boys since, i have enough things going on in the present to think much about the past.

I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this.

Paula

[JJ]

Therisa

I am so happy for you that you are getting past these issues from the past and you should have pride in the work you have put in to get on with your life and in the fact that that you did not become one of those whose actions have caused so much harm.

I think the reasons you didn't are simple-you have a better heart-and you weren't a boy regardless of what the outside looked like.

Enjoy the new peace this brings you!

Hugs

JohnJ

[Guest therisa]

Thank you, everyone with your supportive messages for me, but this is only the start of my journey, which I need to take. I know, there will be times like this, i will be questioning myself and wondering, why I don't take that possible route, growing up. Not really sure I have a good heart, rather found a way to compentionalize events in my past, while seeking shelter, in the embraces of the local public library books.

hugs,

therisa