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My Trans-Senses Are Tingling


Guest Carden

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Anyone notice that kids are really good at figuring out your gender identity with just one look? Maybe its because most kids just say what they are thinking, while adults hold back? Or maybe kids are more open or more aware of/to other people's gender?

Hmm. This thought has hit me multiple times. The first time was when I was going to prom (wasn't out yet so I had to wear a dress, ew.) and I walked outside of my apartment and this little girl stared at me and said, "Hey. Why are you wearing a dress? Aren't you a boy?" This kind of freaked me out but I justified it with her having seen me in baggy clothes and what not before.

Lately, my eight year old cousin has been going nuts over this topic. For years she has always been asking, "Do you want to look like a boy? Do you like girls? Why aren't you like everyone else?" And I am not out to her, or anyone in that part of my family.

As for an even more recent example, tonight she had a septer thing and was pretending to be a princess. She looked at me and said, "Do you want to be a princess?" And I shook my head. Then she said, "Do you want to be a prince?" I was so tempted to say "Yeah. I want to be a prince." I didn't though and just walked off.

I was curious if anyone else has had simular experiences to mine?

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:lol: Your title reminded me of a Deadpool comic scan I saw.

"Shh. . . my common sense is tingling."

It seems kids are more perceptive to things and less uncomfortable with it. It's not something that's really taboo in their eyes, yet. Adults maybe don't want to see things outside of what they're comfortable with.

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well i've had some experiences like but not exactly

when i'm around kids and they tend to pick up things that i leave unsaid

makes me wonder why so many people think they have to spell everything out for kids

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You're right about kids being more perceptive. In Survival, Escape, and Evasion training, they teach you to avoid children if at all possible because they are more likely to point out differences.

When I met my brothers future wife for the first time, he had his arm around her and I remember wondering "why does he have his arm around this guy?" Then at events, friends of mine thought she was a male as well. I'm guessing I was about 36/37 at the time and she was in her early 20's. Long story short, they divorced after having a beautiful daughter, my ex sister-in-law became my ex-brother-in-law. As far as I know, he doesn't know my secret, but I've talked with him about his experiences and expressed my support for him. His daughter has accepted the change as well.

But I've noticed that I'm getting lax in keeping my secret. So maybe I'm subconsciously wanting to expose myself. Yesterday I was standing outside wearing my female pants and shirt and didn't even think about doing it. I'd walked outside to talk with my brother (who doesn't know) and my wife (who does). I've also let my brother know that I've begun removing my body hair using the excuse that I'm tired of it being all over the house. At first, it looked strange, but now it's not such a big deal. I guess the real test will be when I meet up with my niece and nephews again who know me as the 'family bigfoot'.

I'm sure that many adults notice these things, but as someone here pointed out to me, maybe they don't want to say anything first. Well I'm going to just start making the changes a little at a time and only tell those who ask as it comes up.

DawnK

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At work a number of times, I've had parents mistakenly call me "Sir" or "He", and have then had their kids correct them (loudly). Sometimes after that the parents become very red and apologize profusely, other times the parents try and re-correct the kids, afterwhich I then re-re-correct them (loudly), then the profuse apologies begin. In either case, I want to buy those kids the biggest lollipops in the world and never stop hugging them (the parents red faces are priceless!!!)

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Guest Elizabeth K

YES!

At my son's birthday party a 3 year old girl came up and asked, "Are you a girl or a boy?" I instantly said, "I am a girl." She smiled and then showed me her polished fingernails and then wanted to see mine.

Funny how we can just be seen as special by children.

Lizzy

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Guest Joanna Phipps

I dont know how many times thats happened to me, I find it funny to watch the parent try to melt into the floor with embarassment. Ive got to the stage that I dont make a think out of it., after all having the parent melt like that is priceless

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Kids lack the verbal skills we come to rely on so heavily so they have a keener sense of body language to help them make sense of their world. When we were young we relied on it, but as we aged we began to let words affect at least the conscious part of our minds. . But many, many of us have said that we never fit in. That people always seemed ill at ease with us until we began to express our true gender. I think it's because no matter how hard we tried the body language gave us away and we sent mixed signals which were unsettling. Kids don't have that problem.

But maybe that's why parents and those closest to us sometimes most vehemently protest there never was a sign . Because they have been burying the signs and refusing to see them for far longer. hare entrenched in denial before we ever come out. Because I think every one of us gives signals. People just don't want to see them or recognize what we are saying.

You can confuse them but you can't fool kids.

JohnJ

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Guest AshleyRF

OMG!!! I never thought about it much until now but prior to my transition children (especially babies) would just stare at me with this puzzled look on their face. Now that I have fully transitioned, they just act normal around me. Guess before they just couldn't figure me out but now they know for sure.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Cynthia Of Creation

lol this is a really intresting,

my nephie 3 now, calls my dad and his dad pa pa,,,, and me and my sis ma ma, it makes me so happy, he calls my mom cookie

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      That's interesting, I didn't know that.   I do need to work on this with my therapist. I have so much self-hatred/embarrassment, and a lot of it relates to being trans. Thanks.
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      It's generally not helpful or kind to respond to anyone's sharing of their struggles but replying, "You think that's bad? Look at my problems." There is some value to taking a "it could be worse" point of view. But not when it's explicitly invalidating someone's particular struggle, and worse, a struggle which they made themself vulnerable to share. It is beneficial to consider one's blessings and practice gratitude. But that's not inherently the spirit of such one-up-personship (gender-neutral version of one-upmanship lol).   I'm glad your friend apologized and that you've forgiven her. But evidently you're haunted by the impression left on your mind. Each of us deserves compassion and understanding. We deserve safety.    The fact that this is troubling you so much reveals you are a compassionate and thoughtful person. Don't direct that against yourself, though, because doing so is not kind to yourself. If something like that happens again, I would suggest taking a deep breath and then telling the friend that you hear them and acknowledge their struggle. That you don't rank your and their struggles because they are real and present to each of you. Then try to direct the conversation to learning about each other's perspectives and how you can better support each other. Meanwhile, as you're clearly curious, engage in some reading to learn more about how to be an ally to trans women and people of color. That's a productive thing you can do.   I would also suggest for your consideration that this may have triggered some internalized transman phobia based on the fact that you're conflicted about the validity of your own struggles as a trans man. That can be difficult to detect when it rears its ugly head, so just think about it - it's possible it may help to make some sense of how you're feeling. In light of that, I'll repeat. Your struggles are no less significant than someone else's because you are the subject of that experience. One must take responsibility for their own emotions and reactions - you're ultimately the one who navigate you through this life, from a practical point of view. Therefore, don't indulge unduly in despair but try to focus on personal progress. And what aids that is service to others too by the practice of compassion, charity, and mercy. So, that practice requires balance - don't leave yourself out of it.
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