Having Trouble Stepping Into The Woman's Section.

[Guest Chrysee]

Sadly, I have the same fears as well. I live mylife still as a Male (sigh! ) and when I do go 'shopping' I either quickly go though the racks and pick things up and head to the quick checkout so I don't have to deal with any cashiers, or what I did the other day when shopping for a new pair of boots at Macy's, I said that it was a 'gift' for my girlfriend, I also made sure I got a gift receipt to make it a little more believable. I REALLY REALLY hate doing because I don't like to lie to anyone and feel ashamed in who I am, but at the same time I am still pretty much incognito currently and have to be careful. I get a lot of things online needless to say, I can't wait until I can walk into a store as my TRUE self one day though and just shop till I drop and not worry about anything anymore. One day......

Macy's carries womens boots that fit men?! I thought the only place that you could find that would be over the Internet.

Thanks,

Chrysalis

[Guest cdcrazy]

I have never gone shopping dressed but I have never gone out without being underdressed.Shopping in the Women's sections of shops has never really bothered me and I have had no hesitation in asking for advice from assistants and making it clear I am shopping for myself.

I like vintage lingerie and buy that and some other stuff on the internet but otherwise shop in normal stores - though not local ones. I have had three skirts made to measure for me and met with no problems from the tailors even when having a fitting whilst wearing my female undies. In fact on one occasion the assistant asked where I had got the basque I was wearing (it was a modern "vintage" copy) as she thought she might like one too. Mind you some of the other customers were a bit nonplussed to see me in their part of the shop but no-one said anything.

I think you just have to be positive and project the view that you have every right to be there and to wear what you like. Not easy I know but it comes with time.

[Guest Lady Catherine]

Sharing a tip from my partner...

She prefers to shop in stores where there are both mens' and womens' dressing rooms within close distance of each other. I think this is a great idea. Who really looks when you have a few items in your arms to see if they are men's or women's when you are trying them on?

She goes to places like Target, Kohls, department stores...etc. That way she can go into the mens dressing room but try on womens clothing to see if it fits.

[Guest cdcrazy]

Sharing a tip from my partner...

She prefers to shop in stores where there are both mens' and womens' dressing rooms within close distance of each other. I think this is a great idea. Who really looks when you have a few items in your arms to see if they are men's or women's when you are trying them on?

She goes to places like Target, Kohls, department stores...etc. That way she can go into the mens dressing room but try on womens clothing to see if it fits.

Yes that is sensible. I have done the same and have never found any problem with sales staff allowing me to enter the male rooms with female clothes.

[Guest Chrysee]

I and my girlfriend recently went in search of a proper pair of leggings for me. Now for the past few winters I have worn Union suits (red, just like in the cowboy movies.) However, while wearing such a garment does nothing to mar my girlfriend's sense of her own femininity, I can no longer bring myself to putting them on. Soo, off we went to the mall. Instantly, upon entering Charlotte Russe's, we found what I needed. A salesgirl had aimed us in the right direction and sort of lingered on the periphery. I'm guessing that she sensed how lost we were. Anu (my girlfriend) began to insist that I try them on just to be sure. At this, the salesgirl came forward. I doubt that she knew who it was would be trying them on. I held them up in front of me, asking if they looked like a fit.

"Oh. . .they're for. . .you?"

I was very proud and wanted everyone to know. I told her yes they were and she said that they looked like a fit.

Turns out she was right as when I got them home, they fit like a glove.

I couldn't help but wonder if she put her two cents in about them looking like a fit because she didn't want to allow a biological male to use the dressing room. (Note: If you've never been in one, these stores don't carry a single item of mens' clothing.)

But I have no reservations about showing who I am (in other words, showing off.) I find the sales clerks to be patient and decent and so far the other shoppers have kept it to themselves. And yet, despite my seemingly calm confidence, I can sometimes morph into Woody Allen right before the mannikins' eyes.

[Michelle 2010]

Here's something that has helped me in the past year. I wear my ipod a lot when shopping for anything from groceries to hardware to clothing. It puts me in my own world. I don't fret over long slow lines and people leave you alone. Usually I'm very social even with strangers, but if I put on my music it blots out the surroundings. It allows me stress free browsing in the sales racks in the womens section. Sales people leave you alone if your wearing ear buds and I don't start running imaginary negative conversations or scenarios through my mind if I'm listening to positive upbeat music. The world doesn't change but the way I perceive it does, for the better.

Just a thought

Huggs

Michelle

[Guest Chrysee]

Well, I've tried to show that I feel quite at home in a Womens' section, or dressingroom, etc. I do not feel at all like a freak.

However, for the first time since Coming Out, I (with my girlfriend along for support!) went shopping for shoes. OMG! So many great pairs of boots, with spikes or two inch heels! Some were purple suede, some synthetic, but all of them with lots of buckles. Steampunk footwear with my name on 'em.

Now here's the drag: I wear a size 12 Mens, which I'm told translates into a size 14 Womens. At two different stores at the Mall, I was told that I would never find that size as no one makes them.

Anyone know anything about this that might just put a smile on my face and two inch heels on my feet?

Thanks,

Chrysalis

[Guest DawnK]

...I live mylife still as a Male (sigh! ) and when I do go 'shopping' I either quickly go though the racks and pick things up and head to the quick checkout so I don't have to deal with any cashiers

...I REALLY REALLY hate doing because I don't like to lie to anyone and feel ashamed in who I am, but at the same time I am still pretty much incognito currently and have to be careful...

I'm pretty much in the same boat, but instead of lying about buying for your girlfriend if they ask, just reply, "I'm buying it for the most wonderful girl I know." They'll assume you're wildly in Love and may ask further questions though. If that happens, tell them about how you grew up with this woman and share birthdays, they'll assume it's you twin sister.

But my experience is that most cashiers don't bother to ask many questions, especially if there is someone behind you.

dk

[Michelle 2010]

I hit Kohl's sale today for stretchy semi androgynous long sleeve pullover tees today. Apt. 9 has modal cotton blends and Sonoma has 100% cotton. As much as I wanted other colors I went with with rust, tan, cream, and brown to textured green. I just took them to the men's changing room to try on. No issues. While going thru the isles no one said anything, no sales people asked if I needed anything. Big sales are a good time to shop cause everybody is busy looking for bargains or working hard. No cares what you're doing then.

I also grabbed a couple of 80% off items, a skirt and beaded top. I kind of wanted to take them to the mens fitting room but didn't. I actually think I could kind of carry stuff roughly folded and no guy would check it out. And incidently, for the young, inexperienced and weak of heart.... even if you were spotted by a guy carrying womens clothing to the changing room, 99.9% oft guys don't talk or look at each other when passing on the way to a room in the changing area. Kind of like the men's room Its not in guys comfort zone to get involved with other guys in a changing area.

Lastly, I picked up a purple and a mauve long sleeve tee a couple of weeks ago and would definately wear them out, but not if there was a likelihood of running into friends... still pretty far in the closet, unfortunately. Definately will be wearing one of them to my support group in early January.

Bottom line, shop on sale days when its hectic and you'll be left alone, imho. Oh, and buy your underthings online, muuuch too embarassing in person, LOL!

Huggs

Michelle

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Be confident - the clerks are there for sales. You have money - its a good match, grin.

SERIOUSLY - it is okay. Be yourself. I even tell people I am transgenderered if they look confused. They usually don't ask, but tell them if you wish. Most people will admire your confidence.

Lizzy

[Guest Pamela Kim]

When you first start shopping in the Women's department, it is normal to feel self-conscious. It helps to go to stores in a place where it is not likely that anyone you know will happen to be in the store.

After a while, you get over feeling self-conscious.

And then, you start feeling that this is where I belong. And that is a good feeling.

It is better at first, until you get an idea of your sizing, to shop in the thrift stores where there is a good selection of nice clothes but if something doesn't fit you, then you have not invested a lot of money. Also, it is better at first to pick out things where the fabric has some give to it, like a knit top, so that it may still fit you somewhat even if it does not fit as well as it should.

There is some trial and error involved before you get a good idea of your sizes. I have only gone out twice in public dressed as Pam so far, and I can see where it would be really difficult step to try something on in the store before buying it, so for a while you have to go with inexpensive things in case they don't work out.

I have only been asked one time who I was buying the clothes for, my experience has been the opposite, in some places it must have been obvious to the sales lady that I was trans and they were friendly and helpful.

[JenniferB]

I bought clothes too small at first. But then I started getting the hang of it, shopping in either male or female mode.

The sales lady had no right in asking who you are shopping for. I'd either tell her it is none of her business and that you won't shop there again. Or if you don't care you can tell her you are shopping for yourself.

Jenny

[Guest Chrysee]

New year's weekend was all about new clothes, buying clothes, and appearing in public in them.

My girlfriend gave me an incredible, gorgeous Victorian skirt that looks like a crazy quilt (all little squares of different colors and patterns sewn together) and hangs to the floor. Now because of some remaining awkwardness regarding certain family members, I did not wear it on Christmas. However, I told myself that the awkward stuff will have been expunged by next year and Santa will see me wearing that skirt!

Anu & I have a tradition that involves us bussing across town on New Year's Night and staying at a hotel. This is the third year we've done this and always at the same hotel. At any rate, we went to dinner all dressed up and I felt beautiful! We sat in a candle lit diningroom, me in make-up, that heavenly skirt, and jewelry, . . .it was magickal! And all of the servers were so sweet. . .it was the NHL Winter Classic, and we asked them to please put it on the t.v. So throughout dinner, waiters would drop by to check the score and we'd visit. I think of all of the times that I've been called hideous names while dressed in mens' clothes, and now with my girlie on, people couldn't be any nicer to me if they tried.

The next day we cruised the Mall. Yes, I'm struggling to build up a new wardrobe since coming out, but I still try not to let my girlfriend spend too much on me. Especially after Christmas. However, on that day I actually had money and so sprang for a camisole! My first!! It's funny how little things become big. How many times I've watched girls wearing some sort of top with spaghetti straps have to pull the strap back up off their arm and put it back on their shoulder. Well, while sitting back in the hotel room, I felt a tickle on my arm and. . .yup. . .the strap had slipped. When I got it back up to my shoulder I gave it a little snap and it felt so incredible.

Ooh, and I bought some earrings.

But I love to kid with the salespeople about my gender adjustment and then kid them about clothes and such. I honestly don't think that anyone enjoys being uncomfortable and I find that if you give the salespeople (or the restaurant staff for that matter) a chance, they'll warm up to it all. Then it's fun.

Happy New Year to All!

Chrysalis

[Guest Rachel Leigh]

I bought clothes too small at first. But then I started getting the hang of it, shopping in either male or female mode.

The sales lady had no right in asking who you are shopping for. I'd either tell her it is none of her business and that you won't shop there again. Or if you don't care you can tell her you are shopping for yourself.

Jenny

I was at a lingerie shop one time, looking for a corset or bustier. The two ladies that worked there asked if it was for me. I nodded, and never thought that the ladies would become very supportive of my shopping. This was in my male mode. Depending where I go, usually small shops, I will tell them that I'm shopping for myself.

[Guest ladyamy]

Its hard to do for the first few times, but i just took a deep breath and did it

its hard to get past that mental block. First of all try going with a female friend.

That worked for me and then try going by yourself maybe go out of the area you shop usualy?

hope this helps

amy xx

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Of course, your first time or two or three of buying women's clothes, especially if you're in guy mode, is going to be Stress City. Know what? Just do it.

Sure, you may get an occasional smirk or stare. So what? It's no biggie. No matter who you are, there will be people out there that won't approve of something about you. Unless they actively harrass you, forget about 'em.

These days, I routine shop for women's clothes in the same mall I visit nearly every day. I act like a totally belong there and usually have no problem at all. If somebody gets squirrely on me, I've mastered a KMA look that speaks volumes.

Everybody here gave you great advice. Sure, we're scared at first. Most of the things we fear never amount to any big deal.

Happy shoppin', hon.

[Guest Deandra]

I felt just like you, Zoe, last week i tried to buy three pairs of panties and maybe some bras from Walmart, but i was too afraid to even do it. So, i went online to buy them instead.

[Guest elliscd]

I generally shop in male-mode, though it was mostly before I had a bank-card and unwatched internet access!

I found that getting into the mindset that I was buying something for my girlfriend was particularly helpful. Putting myself into that persona I think helped me look a bit more confident, it gave me a "purpose" that wasn't so harrowing, and so I generally didn't get any odd looks or questions. I actually think that most people would have assumed that that was really what I was doing. To describe how difficult or embarrassing it was I'd say the feeling is on a par with buying your first contraceptives, as in it'll go away after the first time or two. That said, getting tights and hold-ups and underwear was still a rush-job for me and I'd refer to the other replies if you're thinking of trying something on. Lacey Lynne's reply above seemed pretty spot on to me.

[Guest Chrysee]

Its hard to do for the first few times, but i just took a deep breath and did it

its hard to get past that mental block. First of all try going with a female friend.

That worked for me and then try going by yourself maybe go out of the area you shop usualy?

hope this helps

amy xx

Yeah? Try using the Ladies Room!

[Guest Emily_MI]

Macy's carries womens boots that fit men?! I thought the only place that you could find that would be over the Internet.

Thanks,

Chrysalis

They had a size 10 which fit me, size depeneds on the boot thuogh since I can fit into some size 10's but others I cannot? still trying to figure out how Womans sizes work, lol

[Guest Chrysee]

They had a size 10 which fit me, size depeneds on the boot thuogh since I can fit into some size 10's but others I cannot? still trying to figure out how Womans sizes work, lol

Everything that I've read says to add two sizes. For instance, I wear a size 12 mens which would be a 14 womens.

And yesterday, my partner took me out to by something for my birthday (which is tomorrow, the 22nd.) and at Sears I was told that I could not use the Women's Fitting Room, when I had just done so at Pennys.

Grrrrrrr!

Later,

Chrysalis

[Guest CLAIRE100]

I used to shop for my late wife who hated to shop.Shopping even in male mode really isn't a problem, remember the store want's to sell you something ,and really doesn't care if you are are in guy mode while buying a skirt and top. As for trying on something others have said in most store's like Kohl's you can just take them to the mens dressing room and close the door, you will have all the privacy you will need. Just remember they want your money.

[Guest Chrysee]

I used to shop for my late wife who hated to shop.Shopping even in male mode really isn't a problem, remember the store want's to sell you something ,and really doesn't care if you are are in guy mode while buying a skirt and top. As for trying on something others have said in most store's like Kohl's you can just take them to the mens dressing room and close the door, you will have all the privacy you will need. Just remember they want your money.

Indeed they do, but there's a principal here. I read not long back about women being unsettled at the presence of men anywhere near the Changing Rooms at a Frederick's of Hollywood. Now in the event that I should one day find the bustier of my dreams at that very store, you're darned tooting that I shall try it on first. And since there are no Mens Dressing Rooms in that establishment, I cannot wait to hear the poor sales clerk's suggestion as to where I should change.

And believe me, I shall not settle for: "When you get it home and try it on, if it really doesn't fit, you can always bring it back and exchange it."

Sounds so simple. Yeah? Well, I don't drive. It takes two busses to get to the Mall (and thus two back) and involves standing out in blustery Oregon rain waiting for them.

Now at Sears, I did take the blouse to the Men's dressing Room, which was clear at the other end of the store. But here's the happy ending: the blouse I chose was marked down to $31.00. However, by the time that the clerk concluded scanning and fingering register buttons, the final cost of this lovely white blouse with the ruffled bodice (that I'm wearing right now, by the way) was. . .are you ready?. . .$10.49!!

Where in the Mall can you normally purchase any garment at that cost?

Thanks for reading,

Cissy

[Guest ametur_poet]

Why are skirts so hard to find in clothing stores? I wander around like a creepy idiot, circling the women's department before eventually leaving empty-handed and in shame. What's worse is that I am not used to women's sizes, so I would still need to look around and maybe even try on the clothes I intend to buy.

[Guest Chrysee]

Why are skirts so hard to find in clothing stores? I wander around like a creepy idiot, circling the women's department before eventually leaving empty-handed and in shame. What's worse is that I am not used to women's sizes, so I would still need to look around and maybe even try on the clothes I intend to buy.

Say what you might, but here we are blessed with a number of used clothing shops (including some that lean towards Classic Period stuff!) I have never entered one and not found a variety of skirts.

And the thing is, though they are all deemed 'used', I have found a number of items (skirts, slacks, etc.) that you would swear had never, ever been worn even once.

If you have access to such places, I would urge you to at least give it a 'look see.'

Happy Hunting!

Cissy