Having Trouble Stepping Into The Woman's Section.

[Guest mattoralice]

Honestly im still scared to do it and i havent come over my fear

[Guest Chrysee]

Honestly im still scared to do it and i havent come over my fear

Come over or over come? Either way, it's like swimming, you must take the plunge. I stood in line to try on a blouse in the Womens' Dressingrooms at J.C. Penny. just me and a gaggle of women juggling merchandise and chatting away, not a single person said a word.

Oh, a really good place to try this sort of thing out is if you have access to a non gender specific pubic restroom. I did this on (appropriately enough) Transgender Remembrance Day. I walked in, and on one wall was a row of urinals--mostly in use--then a few stalls where both men and women were lined up, and on the opposite wall was a counter and mirror where men and women were primping and tending to their look goods.

After that, the Womens Section would be a piece of cake.

[Guest Foosnark]

I'm in this stage. I've been buying a few womens' shirts on eBay, but every time I tell myself I'm going to look in a store I chicken out. Even Goodwill. In fact, I even used to get uncomfortable going into a womens' section or store with my wife, or even sometimes walking past a womens' section in a store.

I counted it as a victory when I was able to pick up a couple bottles of nail polish at Target, and then at Walgreens. The funny thng is, the guy in line in front of me at WG was buying polish too. . And then came eyeliner and mascara... so maybe I am working my way up gradually.

[Guest Jenny K.]

Be confident - the clerks are there for sales. You have money - its a good match, grin.

SERIOUSLY - it is okay. Be yourself. I even tell people I am transgenderered if they look confused. They usually don't ask, but tell them if you wish. Most people will admire your confidence.

Lizzy

Well said!

I was very nervous my first time buying women's clothing as a male. I went to a local Goodwill store and starting browsing through the guy's t-shirts but I was really just eying the women's section from afar, wishing I had the freedom to browse through those clothes. And then I realized I did, because there was really nothing stopping me but myself. So I slowly made my way over, pretending to look at other things along the way. I looked at some things on the edges because I was still too nervous and shy about going "too far in" to that part of the store. But nobody gave me looks and the cashier was very friendly and she made no judgements at all. My best piece of advice is to take baby steps, and once you go for it, you will feel relieved. I prefer larger stores like walmart or target because more people, more space, and some places have self-checkouts. I am still nervous but I am getting more confident every day.

[Guest Jenny K.]

Why are skirts so hard to find in clothing stores? I wander around like a creepy idiot, circling the women's department before eventually leaving empty-handed and in shame. What's worse is that I am not used to women's sizes, so I would still need to look around and maybe even try on the clothes I intend to buy.

you can try what I first did which was grab a few guy shirts then when I found the shirt/skirt/pants I REALLY wanted, I carried them in-between the guys shirts and headed to the male changing room. Then I could see how things looked, and compare sizes in private. And afterwards just put back the clothes I didn't want to buy and head to the cash register, it helps if they are busy too because they just want to get sales and move people through quickly, and more often than not will assume you are buying as a gift for someone else. (Or maybe they are secretly just like you

Hope this helps

[Guest Hayleyyy]

I used to be just like that, still am to an extent but first time i got some underwear i was with a friend and she came to the tills with me and has come along a couple times after as well which is really nice of her

First time i went on my own i was really paranoid what people might think with me in the ladies section looking at clothes but if you leave it till late in the day barely anyone will be around so its more comfortable to shop Also if you act more confident in what you are looking for barely anyone will take a notice to you, but if you hurry and look all nervous then people may get a bit suspicious, just relax and take your time with what your looking for even when in male mode

~Hayley~

[Guest Foosnark]

My wife went clothes shopping this weekend and I went along, for the first time. I didn't find anything I wanted in my size at a price I liked -- and so wasn't challenged to pick up something and head for the dressing room -- but I didn't feel *too* out of place, either.

When we first got into the store, there was a guy there already. I assumed at first he was with one of the other women, but after browsing over the racks, he left by himself. So that made me feel a little more comfortable too.

[Guest piinyouri]

Lord...I'm at this very same roadblock right now. The last time I shopped for any clothing was on my own about 5+ years back. Bought a shirt from our Wal-Mart here in town. It was an awful experience, even though the cashier didn't really react that much, aside from a small puzzled look, my mind was making everything 10 times worse as usual.

How can something that feels so natural and right, feel so awkward, wrong and embarrassing under different circumstances?

T_T

[Guest Leila]

I'm in a very similar boat. While I've cross dressed here and there for nearly 30 years, I've been severely closeted.

I've done most of my shopping on the internet and have a decent idea what sizes fit me (but only for particular brands). The few times I've been out shopping for myself, I've always claimed that I was shopping for my girlfriend--so I've never tried anything on in a store

I've only recently started coming to terms with my transness and discovered that most of my feelings of shame and guilt are really self imposed. I read a book, The Emancipated Crossdresser and it was rather eye opening for me.

Just last week, I walked into a wig store (dressed as a guy) and asked for help. The clerk came to me with a puzzled look and asked me what I was looking for. I responded by telling her that I was looking for a wig for myself, thinking she'd know exactly what I meant. Seeing her still puzzled look on her face I bit the bullet, I told her I'm a cross dresser.

That was such a freeing moment for me. Saying those words out loud to a stranger. What was amazing to me was that the clerk's reaction. She smiled and told me she had just what I was looking for as she sat me down and started walking me through different styles etc. But that wasn't even the best part. Soon after I had tried on a few wigs, a number of women came into the store to browse. My heart practically stopped as I thought to myself, "Oh no! Non sales people! What would they think? They're not selling me anything so they have no need to hide their opinions of me."

Well it turns out, the sales associate and I were having trouble deciding what color wig would best suit me, and one of the customers got all curious when she saw a man in a wig. So I turned to her, put on my best smile and asked her what she thought. To my surprise, she was super friendly and all the awkwardness was really in my head! We actually chatted for a bit. This was the general reaction of most people I met in the store. And while there were a few that just plain refused to look at me, I really couldn't have expected a more positive experience overall.

I guess the take away really is, if you treat people well and act natural, *most* people will do the same. And that's generally true whether people perceive you as trans or not. If you act like you don't belong, people will immediately treat you that way. I know, this is much easier said than done, but everything starts with a first step and I imagine it gets easier.

-Leila

[Carolyn Marie]

I guess the take away really is, if you treat people well and act natural, *most* people will do the same. And that's generally true whether people perceive you as trans or not. If you act like you don't belong, people will immediately treat you that way. I know, this is much easier said than done, but everything starts with a first step and I imagine it gets easier.

-Leila

Leila, that statement above is absolutely true, and I am thrilled for you that you found it out on your own. Most people, especially sales people, will treat you with respect and courtesy, I have found. You have what they want - money, and to keep you from walking out of the store, they will treat you kindly more times than not. The same holds true for most people.

Those that don't approve, will usually just ignore you. Don't worry about them. If you are at ease with yourself, those around you will follow.

You didn't say whether you bought a wig. Well??

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Leila]

@Carolyn

I didn't get a wig yet. But am heading out to go wig browsing shortly. So maybe, just maybe, I'll have something by later today. Wish me luck!

*crosses-fingers*

Hugs,

Leila

[Guest Jessica-Blue]

I am having the issue of shopping for women's clothes also. I live in a small town and since i haven't exactly come out yet, I worry about the wrong person seeing me then having horrible rumors and things said about me in school. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I'm afraid of being hurt by what could be said. Does anyone have advice on how I should shop?

[Guest Naomi M]

Today I pushed through my anxiety for the first time and shopped; twice in two different stores even! The first was a Thrift store in a neighboring city, which was very scary but overall went well I suppose. I built on that and ended up much closer to home at a Kohls because I heard good things about their sales, and was not dissapointed. Both times I tried to buy Men's clothes to "cover it up" but I sure people around me already formed their opinions considering how long I took.

I'm posting here because I made a mantra of several things pointed out in this thread. How my money is as green as anyone else's, how people will treat me based on how I present myself, things like that. I still felt somewhat uncomfortable, and tried to use the "list" trick, but at times found myself too engrossed to care. I feel like in the end the checkers were more uncomfortable than I was at the check stand (which I admit hurt a little; It's not my fault clearance is right next to them!).

Overall I'm happy though. The shirt from the thrift store isn't really that great, but maybe I can figure something out. The shorts I got would fit better if I had hips, but are otherwise very comfortable. The dress from Kohl's was worth every penny. I couldn't have asked for a better trip. I just hope nobody who knows me saw me, but I'll cross that bridge if I come to it. I don't know when I'll try again, it's just so nerve-wrecking.

[Guest EvenClose]

I use to be nervous. I still am sometimes. Its just different. I use to kinda non chalantly browse as my g/f was looking for me.

Then...1 day..me and my g/f were shopping. I was just looking through stuff and doing my thing and then I spotted it.

The 1 shirt I really really wanted. So I continued to browse and a lady came up and was about to buy it. I was mad. I was oh heck no. Im not letting her get that. ITS MINE!

So I just walked in front of her and grabbed it and said im sorry this is mine. It was embarassing. It was rude. And now its mine:)

I just couldn't take not being able to do what I wanted. Its my life and im just tired of letting fear and anxiety and all that get in the way. Now I just shop however and whenever. Noone gives a crap..Oh they may wonder, and sometimes they may stare or clock ya. But whoopity doo. I leave and feel and look good while they are the one sitting there with fear and anxiety.

Just make it your turn to live. You won't be sorry.

Miranda

[Guest Melissa Lissa]

This week I'm going to be in a city 4 hours away from home, so I'm thinking it will be the perfect chance for me to try shopping, but I am fairly nervous. Earlier I was thinking, I should wear a baseball cap/sunglasses/trench-coat/invisibility cloak, but then realized I don't own any of those.

The only time I've ever purchased anything like this I was 12 and there are far fewer complications now that I'm all growed up. Back then I had to convince my mother to let me browse CD's in the music store on my own, time myself going over to the department store, buying the apparel, hiding it in my cargo pocket and acting normal. I still remember it so vividly and being sooo scared. The clerk offered me an excuse by asking if I needed a gift bag and receipt, I considered taking the excuse but realized I'd then have to throw the bag away before hiding it in my cargo pocket.

Wish me luck.

Melissa

[Michelle 2010]

I've stated in other threads (I think) that when shopping I put on my Ipod with music I like and pretty much enter my own world, often checking email, acting busy while shopping. It gets me out of the paranoia that pops up when I think too much...

I probably wouldn't put on metal or rap since it tends to jack a person up, rather something a little more melodic, r&b, chick music, etc.

Good luck!

Michelle

[MackenzieB]

i need to start doing this soon... trick is (at the risk of shattering any images people have about me), i am amazonian. i am a male xl (trying very hard to just be an l, and considering i was once a xxl, not bad) who stands 6 feel tall without the heels. it's hard enough shopping (confidence is building, but not certain), but harder to find things in your size. still, i hope to get more shopping done soon. i long to become more like horror actress julie strain, who is self-described as "six foot two, and well worth the climb!", and learning to shop is part of getting there.

6' and xl huh? I wouldn't worry about it. I'm 6'2" and xl-xxl. Ok's, so I don't bother shopping at Forever 21. Don't care either. I have no issues waltzing into a Lane Bryant, Catherine's or a Fashion Bug. Hey, there's a Catherine's here that occasionally has an after hours event for all of the T customers.

So how do you get to not really care about being really tall or broader through the shoulders? I have no idea, but what worked for me was that I was just plain tired of caring about it. If I didn't care about being "amazonian" 10 years ago I would have transitioned 10 years ago. It was my major obstacle.

I was afraid that I'd stand out too much, never pass etc...

Lol... I'm probably only fooling myself if I think that I can flawlessly pass. But I give it my damnedest. And I do get compliments from people when I do.

Who knows what the future will bring? Today is (hopefully) the last day that I'll ever not be on Estrogen. I have it sitting right here but I'm respecting my Doc's wishes to observe me nailing myself in the leg with it the first time. I'd have done it in the pharmacy's parking lot 2 days ago if it had been up to me.

If you delay due to your height, your size or whatever, YOU are making that decision. AND you may inadvertently be making a choice to stay or be miserable because of it. If you have gender dysphoria... relax, it's patient. It'll wait for you. Because it surely doesn't go away. But it also doesn't care at all about how much you suffer. You can take your time. I took years and it was still there when I looked for it. The only difference was when I went looking for it, it was so I could beat the living hell out of it with my purse. I think I'm winning and so can you.

[Guest Pamela5]

Accept yourself and tell the sales lady you need help with women's clothes for yourself as you are transitioning. You will likely be told congratulations and I would love to help. You will feel much better.

Pam

[Guest Saguusa]

I'm having trouble too and I had lots of trouble with it before. I got a plan though, I'll wait on the clothes until after awhile on HRT. Until then I'll start to slowly build up the stuff I've really wanted to build up but couldn't until now!!

[Michelle 2010]

Accept yourself and tell the sales lady you need help with women's clothes for yourself as you are transitioning. You will likely be told congratulations and I would love to help. You will feel much better.

Pam

So here's a success story for you... Wife and I walked across the parking lot after dinner to the chain clothing store to investigate a nightgown as a christmas present for me. I had seen it on the internet ad and wanted one of two 50% off items.. a silky Vanity Fair full length with flutter sleeves or one by a different brand. While the wife was looking at things in her size I was looking for the I wanted... The store was pretty empty and the elderly sales lady came by and asked if she could help. I told her what I was looking for and she asked, "do you wear a plus size or something in regular?" At first I wondered if I imagined it and then said "probably plus". It took some looking but she eventually found the garment but it didn't look as good in real life so I passed.

While my wife was trying some stuff on I thought about how pleasant she had been and decided to start a conversation. I asked her, "do you get many men in here shopping for themselves?" and she went on to tell me all about it...how they usually come in saying they are shopping for the invalid wife or mother in the nursing home, etc. We probably talked for 5 minutes as the occasional female shopper browsed nearby. I asked if she was on commission and she said no.

Now, the reality is that it isn't a stretch to think I am shopping for myself anymore... tonight was a bright red (christmas right?) womans t-shirt, mens off white shorts, silver 2/3" inch hoop earrings and a silver necklace tucked into the shirt but visible around the neck. Also, loose hair that can be put in a 5 inch ponytail...

The point is, I was comfortable and so was she. I told her it was much nicer being out of the closet, lol and that it was nice my wife supported me. She said her husband died many years ago...

And, the most important part.............I asked her name and said she will see me again! Nothing like having a new friend working in the Lingerie Department of a department store, huh? And it all stemmed from being comfortable with who I am when she asked a customer service question in a friendly manner. Incidently, during dinner and in the store, no one said anything or made issues even though I was presenting at least equally androgynous. I noticed a woman in the checkout line looking at me as I waited for my wife, but thats fine. Maybe she was admiring the earrings and necklace, who cares...

So by all means, unless your going to a Klan rally, try being comfortable with who you are and it can pay dividends! If the sales rep had not been friendly, the worse thing that would have happened was we wouldn't have talked to each other,right?

And remember, the after holiday discounts are right around the corner!!!!!

Best wishes!

Michelle

[Guest Sarah1967]

I order my panties, thongs, boyshorts, tops, Jeans Mini Skirts online and that makes it easy to decide what I want . I pick a size 5 for panties and 8/9 for Jeans an Skirts a 36B for bras, Med for tops and they fit really well.

[Guest Michellewhois]

I was like everyone else when I started shopping for myself (self conscious, etc.) about being discovered. As time went on, it became easier and easier to just walk right into the ladies departments and buy what I wanted. I do have to tell you one thing that happened to me while shopping at WalMart. I needed a new bra and decided to get several, as well as panties. When I got to the checkout counter, the cashier said, (more sarcastically than normally) "they will look cute on you." I looked her dead in the eye and thanked her. The look of utter confusion was priceless. That was the day that I stopped worring about what a cashier or salesperson thought.

[Guest Emilly]

The first time I bought clothes for myself was in Tel Aviv in the garment district. I walked into a underwear store and told the people straight up"I'm a cross dresser I'm buying cloths for myself". It's kinda funny because one of the dudes that worked in the store was in basic with me. It seems all The lingerie stores out here have men working in them.

All the other times have been pretty chill so far too I just go in and buy the cloths.

[Guest Alicemichellepetras]

Good job congats on going in

[Guest rita63]

Yesterday I had an early appointment on the other side of town. I conducted my business and decided to shop my way home. First the local market, some nice jewellery but no clothes. On to a large GoodWill with racks and rack of clothes. I walked the rows of womens jeans but had no courage to try them on. Then onto the tops, so many colours and I couldn't figure out the size order. A quick look at the bras and further fear and frustration.

I got off the bus home early and went into a smaller thrift shop near my home, I had bought a few things there before with mixed success. Again I couldn't find the fitting rooms so on to the tops. I found 2, a square necked T and a beautiful white cotton blouse studded with sparkling rhinestones (it really is classier than it sounds). Then a quick glance at the undies, no bras but a very nice lace trimmed nylon slip that doubles as a nightie.

I steeled myself for the middle aged woman at the cash. She was very nice, chatting about the weather (its been good) adding up my purchases cheerfully. "There you go dear" she said and melted my fears.

I will go back there for the great service and the nice clothes.

hugs rita