Finding A Gender Therapist

[Guest Sally G.]

Hi,

Well I finally took the next step.

I have been searching for gender therapists in my area. Did not find any gender therapists but found three who listed gender issues as an area of interest.

This is the email I individually sent to the three of them:

"Hi, I am a 47 year old transgendered person (mtf).

The coping strategies I have used over the years to deal with (suppress) my transgenderd status are now causing health problems. These health problems are minor at the moment but have the potential to be more serious if left untreated.

As I change my behaviour to address these health issues (e.g. stopping smoking) my ability to suppress my transgender status is reduced.

I would like to explore through gender counsellling an appropriate path forward - comfortably numb (with a reduced life expectancy) or the emotional roller-coaster (and the disruptions it will cause).

I understand you offer gender counselling services.

Would you be willing to take me on as a patient?

How much does it cost per session?

Are you able to provide an HRT letter if this is required?

Kind regards Sally"

I don't expect to hear back until after the holiday weekend. However, this is enough for todays small step.

[Guest Strawberry]

Congrats, did you use the list on this site or did you use another service to find them?

[Guest Sally G.]

Hi Strawberry,

I used google and the words: gender couselling *my town* zealand.

Then I trawled through the returned links (two were useful in the first 50).

The list on this site had no-one in my area (or even country - not sure about this but would be 8 hour drive away if they were)

Aroha

Sally

[Guest Strawberry]

Ill try that, thank you

[Carolyn Marie]

I really like your approach, Sally. Well written introduction and a very systematic way of going about it. You seem like a very organized and thorough woman. I admire that.

I wish you luck and hope you get an answer very soon. Let us know, OK?

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sally G.]

Hi,

Well I got three replies. All three are willing to take me on as a case. Prices vary from 70 to 130. None answered the HRT question.

OK time to apply some intuition. The three prospective therapists are male, female and other. Only one has formal qualifications that is likely to be accepted in a medical framework (psychology). Two offer primarily "counselling". Prices are largely a reflection of the medical training each has received.

What do I want?

Minimal hassle accessing appropriate treatment, whichever course I decide to follow. This excludes the cheapest option as I would probably still need to access a suitably qualified clinician to get the HRT letter if this was what I decided.

This leaves the choice between a suitably qualified medical person and a member of our community. The medical person would offer the easiest access to medical treatment, while the tg person would allow greater exploration of the role of gender in my life in a non-judgemental way.

What are my constraints? Cost.

If the SoC are followed I need 12 1-hour sessions prior to receiving the HRT letter. The best chance of getting the HRT letter is from the medical person (i.e. if I select the tg person I may have to start over with the therapy to qualify. If I decide to not proceed with HRT then I can swap to the tg person to help develop an understanding of how to cope being tg.

OK my decision is to engage the medical person initially and go from there. I will send a reply to the others, one a polite thanks, but no thanks and one a thanks, I'll keep your name handy in case I need support in the future.

Aroha

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Very sound reasoning, Sally. I like how you thought this through.

I am curious though, about the "medical person." Is he/she a a psychiatrist or a medical doctor? If a

psychiatrist, I just want to point out that it makes no difference if the HRT letter comes from a psychiatrist or a therapist. As long as a therapist is licensed to practice in your state, that should pass muster.

If you are more comfortable with a psych, that's cool, but a therapist will likely be less expensive. Also,

if the psych is not specifically trained to deal with gender issues, in some respects you could be denying

yourself a very valuable resource, and like you said, if you ended up needing the therapist for the gender

issues, you could be wasting valuable time too.

I'm sorry if I've made things more complicated. I'm just trying to help.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KimberlyF]

Paying extra would be worth it if it lead to a 100% sure hasslefree HRT experience later, but it doesn't sound like you're sure of that. The TG might be a better source of resources for maybe at least one visit.

Kim

[Guest Sally G.]

The medical person is a registered pyschologist.

The reasoning I laid out above was me thinking out loud. When it came time to send the emails I found myself agreeing to meet both the medical person and the person from the tg community.

As I am in the south pacific I am not sure of the exact nature of local requirements. So I will use the medical person as my entry into medical care (she is likely to carry more weight in the system - belongs to the appropriate professional associations). I now have an appointment with her next Tuesday.

I have also asked to meet the tg person as it turns out we have a professional interest in common as well as being members of the tg community. I will use this person as an advocate if I am unhappy with the medical system and as my lead-in to the local tg community.

This is my current plan. I will re-evaluate after meeting both face-to-face.

[Carolyn Marie]

It's a good plan, Sally. I wish you the best of luck.

Please let us know how it turns out.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sally G.]

Just a small hiccup.

I had to change my appointment (delayed by 48 hours) because of a request from my boss around work.

Worked out though, emailed the GT explaining the situation and she was ok no problem.

I was worried that she might think I was having second thoughts but I asked if one of the alternative time slots she initially offered was still available and it was.

[Guest Sally G.]

Well I had my first visit with one of two potential GTs today.

First off I stated what my process was, that I was evaluating GT's to decide on who I would ask to accompany me on my journey.

Went really well, talked a bit about my history. It was hard keeping the emotion down (there will be time for that later!). Also talked about what I wanted - my initial focus is very much on telling my partner.

The GT also provided some background info about them and how the process would work. Asked about the HRT and was told they work with a local endo who is sympathetic and patient-focussed. Also provided me with info produced by the Human Rights Commission (a government agency). They have just produced a major report on trans issues and there is heaps of info, including that it is illegal to discriminate on the grounds of gender, access to health care, how to access trans-specific help, for example getting a non-gendered passport ('X' instead of 'M' or 'F'), changing birth certificates etc.

Also didn't have to pay - first session was a get to know me and was free.

If it goes this good on Thursday I am going to have a hard time deciding who to ask to help with my journey.

[Guest Sally G.]

Well everything was going fine until I got home last night. As usual I walked the dogs. While walking them it hit me. Someone else had used my name to address me for the first time in 30 years.

That was an emotional punch packed full of tears.....

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Wow!...That must of been powerful!

Donna Jean

[Guest Sally G.]

Things are changing.

I have had two conversations in the last two days with woman (work colleagues) where afterwards I thought "that was nice" - and the sense was one of being relaxed and feeling a warmth (and empathy?). I (Sally) was having the conversation, not my man.

I also slept the last two nights tucked. Never been able to do that before.

I am also getting the sense that although my man is shy and introverted I am actually quite different. I have a sense of confidence and vibrancy that is both delightful and unexpected. My man always feared that being Sally would require becoming a hermit but I am finding that the opposite is more appropriate. Finding Sally is going to be fun.

[Guest Sally G.]

Well four hours to go until I see the second GT (at lunchtime). I think I will take the afternoon off so I can process the consequences and start working on how I will much my decision as to who to use to support me on my journey.

Am I nervous? No the feeling is one of anticipation. This will raise issues for me and I cannot know what they are yet. I am excited about the journey that is unfolding. What is around the next corner? There is some hard work ahead but that is for the future. Today is another chance to hear some-one else use my name (and that is a pleasure!). More affirmation hopefully.

I also find it interesting that the daily self-story I live (day-dreams provide a sense of what I am referring to but it is also a much more conscious process) is now a conversation between the male facade and the core. The facade is weakening and the core is strengthening but it is not a linear process, the conversation oscillates between the whys and the why nots. The sense I have is that it is like a game of chess I have been playing for 40 years - can the queen checkmate the king? Seeing a GT is checking the King. I hope to put the king into check again today.

Aroha

Sally

[JJ]

Good news about your appointment today. It sounds like you are doing very well with your journey.

Please be sure and let us know how it comes out.

Good luck on your checkmate!

Hugs

John

[Guest Sally G.]

I have just returned home after spending an hour with the second GT I went to evaluate. I was greeted today with a rather cursory "Are you Sally". This was the only time my name was used. Don't get me wrong, I liked hearing Sally again but the feeling tone used did not have any therapeutic value.

On Monday I was greeted with "Hello *mymalename*" and farewelled with "Bye Sally".

Making a choice is much easier than I thought it might be.

The therapeutic value I recieved on Monday has had a far greater effect on me.

I will be asking the GT I saw on Monday if they will work with me on my journey.

[Carolyn Marie]

Good for you, Sally. I'm very pleased with the way you went about making this decision, and happy for you that you had a choice.

This is the start of the greatest adventure of your life. Enjoy it, remember it, make the most of it. Transition won't be easy,

if you decide to go forward with it. As a matter of fact it will be the most difficult thing you've ever done, or ever will do.

But if transition is in your future, and you follow it through, then I wish you a safe and rewarding journey to womanhood.

You have only your true self to gain.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sally G.]

I would like to offer a very heart-felt thanks to everyone here at Laura's.

Two to three months ago I was tossing up whether I should self-medicate or if I should work within the medical system.

I know from where I am now, that self-medicating would have been a huge mistake because it would have taken place in isolation and I would have lacked any meaningful support.

The support I got from everyone here has been amazing and the emphasis that is placed on seeing a GT is well founded and probably the best advice I have ever recieved. I am so glad I have followed that advice.

To those who have walked this road before me I say thank-you for sharing your wisdom about doing this the right way.

Aroha

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear Sally, your success and progress are all the thanks we need. Keep up the great work. You're doing great!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie