Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Accidentally Outed Myself


Guest JayJaye

Recommended Posts

Guest JayJaye

I recently had to change emails, but back in January I knew it was coming and made a backup email, before my major AHA! discovery of me being trans. So I had to start using it the past 2 weeks, and because it contained my given name it's been grating on me every time I use it. While on vacation I made a new one, but forgot that I signed up with my new male name, though the email was primarily initials. So I emailed a few people to tell them my new email, and it came up as being from my Male Name!!!!!! To people I wasn't yet out to.

OOPS.

So now I came out to an old college buddy, and when California time rolls around I'm going to have to explain it to my online job people. Not exactly how I planned to come out...

Jay

Link to comment
Guest raydub

>.< doh!

sorry to hear that.

you never know.. might turn out to be a good starting point in coming out in general.

<--- trying to look at the bright side.

good luck man!

Ray

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

Who knows, maybe subconsciously I just want to come out and get it over with. That should teach me to hit SEND before thinking things through. My online job is in CA so it shouldn't be an issue anyway; I'm just going to wait and see if anyone noticed before I say anything though.

My college buddy was like, um, who is Jay?

My new therapist has been so helpful I feel really comfortable with myself.

Jay

Link to comment
Guest CharTo

haha, yay for awkward coming outs. I hope they all work out and like you said, get it over with.

I made my email, facebook, + myspace to say Charlie now with the gender being set to F ^^. Funny thing is that no one's questioning me. :)

Link to comment
Guest raydub
I made my email, facebook, + myspace to say Charlie now with the gender being set to F ^^. Funny thing is that no one's questioning me. :)

I did the same thing Charlie.. and no one said a THING. Of course I then took it upon myself to talk to a few people about it. Cant have my profile saying "male" and have comments and notes that have SHE and SIS *wretch* all over them. :lol:

Ray

Link to comment
Guest StrandedOutThere

Jay,

Not cool. Not cool at all! Hopefully it won't be a big deal though...

I almost outed myself in a very similar way. It was my "alternate" gmail account that almost got me. Only by accident did I catch it.

You know, to some extent I am deliberately not careful hiding stuff. It's like, in a way, I want people to go wonder about stuff and ask me. I think it is less awkward than trying to figure out how to bring up the subject. This isn't how I'd want to come out to close friends and family, but for people at work/school and acquaintances, it's not so bad.

Still, thinking of my own "near miss", I cringed a little when reading your post.

Link to comment
Guest Drew

that's unlucky. awkward coming outs are pretty common though. a friend of mine made an alternate facebook account and his mom found it on the computer history...he stayed with me for a few weeks......what was my point?...oh yeah, that really sucks but atleast it opens a door for you to come out....if you really want to see the bright side...

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

Actually nobody said anything except my friend at college, so after I explained myself (to which he was nothing but supportive and compassionate! and I was overwhelmed) he said he just thought the name was my son's... oops, came out for nothing but at least I know he's on my side. :)

Nobody else said anything. So I won't explain until I have to.

Jay

Link to comment
Guest Kelly

i outed myslef then created a new email and have been outing my self by giving them one email with my male name and replying with me female when the time is right its the same email inbox too so it works out well

Link to comment
Guest StrandedOutThere

OMG, Jay. I am so going to out myself with either email or LiveJournal. Right now I have separate accounts for "the me that my family and friends know" and "the real FTM me". It's appropriate because I really feel like I am two people right now. Still, I almost posted on my friend's LiveJournal from my "other" account. This particular friend would probably be totally cool with it. Still, it's a scary thought...

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

I totally want to come out, but do feel it's best to wait until I'm on T and I have my legal name change. Then I'm legally Jay, period. It's weird, because for the last nearly 2 months I've been presenting totally male, clothing, hair, binding, packing, stp, etc, and NOBODY has said a word, other than a comment about my haircut (it had been long for decades), but that was it. No other comments.

In real life I'm out to my daughter, my college buddy, my best friend, and my therapists, and another transguy and his wife. That's it. Rest of family, friends, and coworkers are clueless despite my obviously more masculine appearance. But I guess reality is that I was never an ultra girly girl or very feminine anyway, so this is relatively normal I suppose, to them.

Jay

Link to comment
Guest StrandedOutThere
I totally want to come out, but do feel it's best to wait until I'm on T and I have my legal name change. Then I'm legally Jay, period. It's weird, because for the last nearly 2 months I've been presenting totally male, clothing, hair, binding, packing, stp, etc, and NOBODY has said a word, other than a comment about my haircut (it had been long for decades), but that was it. No other comments.

In real life I'm out to my daughter, my college buddy, my best friend, and my therapists, and another transguy and his wife. That's it. Rest of family, friends, and coworkers are clueless despite my obviously more masculine appearance. But I guess reality is that I was never an ultra girly girl or very feminine anyway, so this is relatively normal I suppose, to them.

Jay

Yeah, I think that's mostly how it would be for me too. I've never been girly. I wear guy's clothes already and have been since college...so like 8 years. The only thing I don't do is just say that I'm male.

Lately I've been wanting to come out to people more and more. Still, I'm going to work through things with my therapist for a bit longer. On some days, I'm pumped and full of defiant energy. On others I feel like this is a really tough road to go down and maybe I don't have what it takes. Today is a "I don't have what it takes" day.

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

Yeah, today is one of those 'I don't have it' days. I was all happy about looking very male today when a store worker referred to me as she...

Sigh...

Jay

Link to comment
Guest raydub

Dudes...its hard, i know. And confidence gets down, but keep your head up and remember that you are who you are inside. Just BE that person! No matter what someone else sees.. we'll get around to fixing that. ;)

Just BE the men that you are!!!

(that was the great advice Id gotten)

Ray

Link to comment
Guest StrandedOutThere
Dudes...its hard, i know. And confidence gets down, but keep your head up and remember that you are who you are inside. Just BE that person! No matter what someone else sees.. we'll get around to fixing that. ;)

Just BE the men that you are!!!

(that was the great advice Id gotten)

Ray

I'm working on it!

Also, Jay, I like the new pic!

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

Thanks (about the pic). I'm really going to get some more masculine glasses (both pairs are unisex frames) but I've just spent a ton on a new wardrobe and prosthetics and binders etc that I'm kind of broke at the moment. But I think those will help me pass.

Jay

Link to comment
Guest raydub
Thanks (about the pic). I'm really going to get some more masculine glasses (both pairs are unisex frames) but I've just spent a ton on a new wardrobe and prosthetics and binders etc that I'm kind of broke at the moment. But I think those will help me pass.

Jay

Jay! Did you get the tyron2? didya didya didya?!

im like six years old sometimes...i know.

:lol:

Ray

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

No, I couldn't afford the Tyrone or the FTM australia products. Since I'm currently single I went with a Lola Jake pack and play that is stp modified. If and when I ever get into a serious relationship then one of the other prosthetics will be a must. This one is more for my own mental health. Packys are great, but my mind wants realism and no straps or loose thingies in my shorts.

Jay

Link to comment
Guest raydub

i cant seem to navigate around that site. i actually remember now trying to look over that stuff before and just getting ipssed off and saying fcuk it! enoy the gear.. i ordered stuff too. now? the waiting game. and i scuk at this game... -_-

Ray

Link to comment
Guest JayJaye

Yeah, their site stinks, but once you find the info page you have regular links to each prosthetic, a price list, ordering info, etc. But the front page is nearly impossible to find what you need to know.

I went with them though because a) they're cheaper, B) they have an stp option, and c) it's a dual but isn't hard all the time (you insert a rod for play).

I currently pack a 5.5 mango, so this is about the same size. Psychologically i also need 3-D testicles. I'm very tactile and feeling flat-backed testicles totally kills the realism.

I also really REALLY like the FTM Australian products (www.ftmprosthetics.com) but their dual is hard all the time, you just bend it up or down, which might be really great if I were in a relationship where spontaneous sex is an option, and I LOVE how realistic they look (moreso than Tyrone or Lola-Jake) but at the moment I didn't want to have to switch between two separate prosthetics, either. But like Tyrone they don't have an stp option either.

Jay

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 285 Guests (See full list)

    • SamC
    • Thea
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,091
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Layla Marie hay
    Newest Member
    Layla Marie hay
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Britton
      Britton
      (53 years old)
    2. chipped_teeth
      chipped_teeth
    3. james-m
      james-m
    4. jenny75
      jenny75
      (34 years old)
    5. KASS13
      KASS13
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      I still maintain my "male" skills and almost have to laugh when that sort of thing happens to me with Cis males, and it does happen.  On the other side there, I have activities with the Trans community  here where I live including Trans Men who love to show off their new lives.  I have had a couple come over to my house and I have done some shop teaching that is always fun.  When they offer to help me by doing "male stuff" in a group, I do not take it as misogyny .
    • Thea
      This guy asked me to help with his tire.  So when I turned around and he saw that I'm a woman he's like,  oh nevermind
    • Betty K
      I think that’s an important point. In my case, I’ve found transitioning to be such a relief and a joy that I have no difficulty focussing on the positives. Maybe in your case you could make a practice of noting when you are gendered correctly? Do you keep a journal? I find doing so is major help.   After saying I rarely get misgendered, it actually happened to me yesterday in a local store. After recovering from my shock (the salesman called me “brother”, which to me is about as bad as it gets) I wrote my first complaint letter to a business w/r/t misgendering. That felt good. I also reflected that, to a degree, for those of us who don’t pass, I think gendering is correctly can take a conscious effort. Some Folks seem to automatically see me as feminine, others have to work at it. So if you’re often surrounded by people who have no desire to work at it, that may exacerbate your problem.      
    • Betty K
      I don’t know why anyone would go to the effort of advocating for trans folks only to charge people to read their articles. It seems so counterproductive, and I seriously doubt they’re making more than pocket money out of it. 
    • KathyLauren
      Oh, how I wish we were over-reacting!  But I don't think we are.  The danger is under-reacting. 
    • Ivy
      I understand your feelings. I have the same fears.  NC has made a swing to the right as well, and I'm not optimistic.  I want to tell myself I'm over reacting.  But seeing what these people are  saying, and doing when they do get into power can't be dismissed.  It's proof of what they will do if they take over the federal government. I'm getting kinda old now anyway.  It took me over 60 years to get here, and I'm not going back.  I suppose they can revert my gender markers, but I will still be legally Ivy.  And I have every intention of dying as Ivy Anna.  If I can't find my hormones somehow, I'll do without.  The physical changes I do have are permanent.   Trans people have always existed.
    • Willow
      @KymmieL I think we all have had to deal with a person who would not apologize when they were wrong no matter what.  In my case it was my MIL. Actually called me a lier I front of my wife.  Even when she realized she was wrong she wouldn’t admit it to my wife, nor would she apologize to my wife for any of the things she later admitted she had done that affected my wife.  I had a boss that accused me of saying things I did not say in a manner I did not use.  Even another employee told him that I had not said the things nor used the words but he still refused to back down.     Unfortunately, all too many people in this world believe they are always right no matter what.  Some are very famous.  lol   Willow    
    • KatieSC
      I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court.    We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes...    History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little...
    • Nonexistent
      I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol.    Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that.   Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes.
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Blake!! We are happy that you found us!!
    • Mmindy
      Good evening Blake.   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums.   Best wishes, stay positive and motivated.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you.    Trans men and trans women each have their own struggles for sure, but I agree, it can be a hard time to be a non-passing trans guy. There is no specific "man clothes" that only men wear. People could just think I'm butch (which sucks to think about, if people think I'm a lesbian when I'm a dude!!). I mean I would feel better if I got gendered correctly even if I don't fully pass, it would maybe raise my confidence to think maybe I do pass well lol! Instead I'm just reminded I don't.   Though I may just focus on the times I don't pass and ignore the times that I do. Because I rarely remember getting gendered correctly, but I hone in on the times that I don't. 
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you, I'm glad to be here. :)   I have been in therapy for 9 years but still can't seem to accept myself. I think it has to do with growing up trans in a world that hates us, especially in the south. I mean I was discriminated against by adults and ostracized as a kid/teen due to being trans. My family is accepting, but the rest of the world is not. I realize now a lot of people are accepting (even unexpectedly, like my partner's conservative republican Trump-loving parents lol), but it feels like my brain is still in survival mode every time I exit the door. I am a very fearful person.   My body still may change over time, but it feels like I haven't met the same 'quota' (don't know the right word) that a majority of other trans guys have on far less time on T. Most trans guys pass easily 1-3yrs on T, I'm double that and still don't pass well except my voice.
    • Nonexistent
      Thank you. I am just used to seeing trans guys who pass at like... 6 months to 1 year, at the most 3 years. And I just don't meet the mark, all the way at 6 years. It is possible with time I will masculinize more, but it's frustrating when I'm "behind" and may never catch up. It threatens my mental health mostly, possibly my physical health if I'm visibly trans (though I don't ever go out alone). 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boss is happy with everything with me and said I will be the only one that works on one customer's truck.This customer saw me clean a small grease spot in the inter of his Kenworh last week,on the steering wheel.A new customer too,saw me walk out with my tub o' towels wiping that grease stain off.This one,he cannot stand a grease spot in the interior.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...