I'm Pretty Sure, I'd Be Considered "transgender," But Need Clarification

[Guest Ryou]

I was born male, but I feel as though I would have been happier if I was born female. I am a teenager of fifteen years, so I'm still developing into adulthood.

I am somewhat confused over the terms and to where I'd fit in. I do not cross-dress because I'm scared someone close would find out. I feel as if my true gender is female. When I look deep within myself, I see this beautiful girl that's trapped inside a man's body.

When I look into the mirror, I hate a lot of what I see. I hate the manly features. I can't help but cry softly sometimes. I snuggle one of my stuffed animals when I do this.

I haven't outed to way too many people. I ruined one friendship by doing so. I outed to my counselor about some of the feelings I have though, because I thought that would be important.

There are times when I wish I had long, dark hair, striking eyes, a slender nose, thin lips, cute little ears, pale skin, slim, delicate fingers, little feet, a feminine form, small breasts, and a female's parts rather than a man's parts. In fact, when I look inside myself, that's what I see. It really, really hurts. My heart is flooded with sorrow when I am in the deepest pain.

When I pass girl stores and girl clothes, I wish I could look at them. I wish I could wear them. I wish I had a girl's body so I could browse and try on all the pretty clothes. It makes me sad.

As far as my understanding goes, transgenders do not cross-dress, but pre-op transsexuals do (it's not considered cross-dressing if they've already transitioned or if they are close). Is this true? If this was the case, I would simply be transgender.

HOWEVER, to my understanding, transgenders do not wish to get a sex change. I've highly considered that option, and flipped back and forth on the subject of, "Would that make me happier or am I meant to be in a man's body to learn lessons of strength and courage?" I know in my heart that Michelle, my true inner spirit, is strong and courageous for keeping herself together in a man's body. She still loves herself, something many people have lost. So, unlike people categorized under "transgender," I have considered transitioning when I get older. However, I am not one-hundred percent certain. I think it would make me happier.

So, the fact that I've deeply yearned and had fantasies about transitioning would make me...? I'm confused. I don't cross-dress, but I don't choose a path of living without transitioning either. In fact, I'm still developing into adulthood, so I'm not one-hundred percent sure as to what I am in the "transgender" spectrum.

I'm pretty sure I'd be considered simply transgender for the time being. Would that be a correct assumption?

[Guest Keiichi-kun]

To me you sound like a transsexual. A transsexual is someone who's gender does not match the body they were given. The term transgender is a broad term to describe people who act out of their societies gender roles. So you would be transgender but to be more specific transsexual. Hope that helped

[Guest Ryou]

Yep, that helps a bunch. Thanks!