Scylla And Charybdis

[Guest NatashaJade]

In Greek mythology, Odysseus had to navigate between two deadly creatures. His dilemma was to sacrifice a few sailors to one creature or risk the entire boat to the other. He chose to sacrifice a few of his men. Jason had the help of Hera and passed with no loss and Aeneas avoided the whole place entirely.

Sometimes we refer to this more casually as choosing between a rock and a hard place. It's a choice we don't want to make because both are equally difficult and costly. Navigating through these dangerous waters presents us with sometimes impossible choices.

The other day I referred to the "transsexual dilemma" in a comment on a blog and the blogger asked me to explain why I think it is a dilemma. After all, it is a treatable, curable condition. If I had a treatable, curable cancer, I wouldn't hesitate to see an oncologist. It wouldn't require any deep thought and it wouldn't be a matter of choice. But being a transsexual, having been born with this condition, it is not simply a matter of treating the condition and curing it. Even those who are unencumbered by spouse and children have to make a choice. To live with the pain of dysphoria, sometimes crippling pain and not face a cold, dangerous world that does not accept you or cure your condition and have the peace of mind, body and soul that comes with that cure, but have to deal with the 1,001 potential problems and risks that afflict you before, during and after. A dilemma, yes, but the waters are not quite as dangerous as they could be and with proper guidance, many of the problems can be avoided.

For those of us with families that we have made with partners, with relationships predicated on our existence as represented by the mistake of our birth gender, the waters are far more dangerous and we are much more like Odysseus in that there will be sacrifice. Do we live with the pain, or try to manage it without cure for the sake of our relationships or do we cure ourselves of our condition, but lose something vital and precious in our lives? There is no good choice, for as much as we can try to manage the condition with hormones and a part-time life in our true gender, the pain is always there and the management sometimes feels like a weak dam, ready to burst at any minute, constantly leaking and in need of repair. But if we take the cure, we lose what for some of us is the most valuable thing in our lives. Peace of mind and a broken heart, a lot of broken hearts (for we are not alone in our choices). This is a much more difficult dilemma and one that faces many, if not most, of us who for one reason or another were able to manage our conditions into our middle years.

Perhaps those who have loving parents who help them transition when they are very young are able to take Aeneas' alternate route. But for the rest of us, we must make a difficult choice and accept the risks and sacrifices that come with it.

xoxo

Virginia

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Virginia

You put it so eloquently! And yes, what you write hits me in the core of my being. Why is it like it is? The simple answer? I just don't know why!

Ignorance I suppose. Like the shunning of Lepers - even in the Biblical warnings!

Handson's Disease is now understood and mostly 100% treatable.

We 'Lepers" of gender dysphoria may someday have that happen for us, an understanding and a workable treatment.

On my soap box, as usual...

Elizabeth

[Milly]

Its really something to actually think of my life had I not chosen to transition. I sometimes forget how much worse I was before april this year when I came out. I still go through my bouts but before it was so much worse, my anger. So to think I could have chosen to stay angry miserable and chronically depressed... I chose to just be perky with my insides completely dead. My sig says it better... the rock and a hard place... thanks gin this thread made me think.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Gee, Gin.....

I certainly know what you mean....

It's like someone saying that they are going to hit you...

Then they give you the choice...with a bat or a brick...

Is that really a choice? Either way we get hit....we just choose the type of pain...

Very good post, Gin...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Love the post Gin. Very difficult decision indeed we have to face when deciding to come out or not.

[Guest Sally G.]

A rock and a hard place...

My health (mental and physical) or my marriage.

I find out tonight if I can have both (or not) - law of probabilities says not.

Pain, suffering and adjustment either way.

I have already decided that my health takes precedence.

Aroha

Sally

[Guest therisa]

Virginia, I didn't have any choice, it was either transition or commit suicide. I had reached down into my own darkness, I just wanted my pain to end. Especially, after my mom's reaction, to seeing me, wearing a skirt. I wish I had the choice that Jason and Aeneas had. Maybe thing might have been different for me, but that ancient history for me. Now need to turn my attention to the present and the future. Thank you for posting this very interesting topic. Hopefully, a SO, a friend or a parent sees this post and is enlightened by this struggle, of ours.

hugs,

therisa

[JenniferB]

Gee Gin I can appreciate your dilemma but can't understand it totally because I don't have that much to lose. The Kobayashi Maru test where there is no winnable solution. Do you sacrifice yourself for others or stop the suffering. If you believe in a God than the first option would be the best if you believe in God. Having to bear the thorn in your side of gender dysphoria would be far than most people would have to endure. Still transitioning isn't wrong, just that the opportunity cost is very large. You have my sympathy and all others who have to face this dilemma.

Jenny

[Guest NatashaJade]

Gee Gin I can appreciate your dilemma but can't understand it totally because I don't have that much to lose. The Kobayashi Maru test where there is no winnable solution. Do you sacrifice yourself for others or stop the suffering. If you believe in a God than the first option would be the best if you believe in God. Having to bear the thorn in your side of gender dysphoria would be far than most people would have to endure. Still transitioning isn't wrong, just that the opportunity cost is very large. You have my sympathy and all others who have to face this dilemma.

Jenny

Well, Jenny, even us atheists believe in the value of good old fashioned martyrdom if the cause is just.

And, no, transitioning isn't wrong. Neither choice is wrong. This is part of the problem. It's not about choosing right versus wrong because if that were the case, it would not be difficult. They are both the correct choice and the difficult choice.

xoxo

Gin

[Guest Patsy]

I agree with Gin completely, but I also understand the point that Jennifer was trying to make, I think.

The problem lies in just who is doing the interpreting as to what is "Just", a malleable concept at

best, I suspect.

So often, it seems to come down to a choice between what appear to be equally unpalatable options.

As Sally said, "Pain, suffering and adjustment, either way"....and I do hope your pessimism proved

unfounded, hon, and it went better than expected.

Luv,

Patsy