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Violence And Hate Crimes Against The Transgendered


Have you been the victim of violence or a hate crime?  

123 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you know a transgender victim of violence or a hate crime?

    • Yes
      73
    • No
      50
  2. 2. Have you been the victim of violence or a hate crime?

    • Yes
      48
    • No
      75


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Guest Esperanza Xochitl

Also, from Forge in my city of Milwaukee:

********* PLEASE DISTRIBUTE WIDELY *********

FORGE is deeply saddened to report the death of Dana A. Larkin (also known as Dade and Chanel), 26, of Milwaukee. Larkin was killed on Friday, May 7, 2010, in part because of anti-transgender hate bias.

While we are grateful that the suspected killer has been caught, we urge the District Attorney to consider adding a hate crime charge to the current charge of first-degree reckless homicide. We also note that some media outlets have been inaccurately characterizing Larkin’s gender and pronouns; we encourage the respectful, consistent use of feminine pronouns to refer to her.

FORGE sends its condolences to Dana’s family and friends. We also note that when anyone is killed or harmed in a hate-motivated crime, those who share the victim’s identity are harmed as well, and may react with the same fear, anger, and despair as other crime victims. We ask our community members to be caring, compassionate, and supportive of each other as we all try to cope with this terrible crime.

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Almost every day on this planet at least one Transgender person somewhere will be the victim of violence, rape or Hate crimes. This happens to both Transmen and Transwomen. Yet if you were to check factual reported statistics it appears to be low. While the FBI keeps violent crime statistics against Gays and Lesbians it does not against Transgender persons. We are ignored by our own Government. In the case of Brandon Teena a Transman who was raped and later murdered reporting the original crime was ignored by the Police Department and Brandon was even blamed for it by the town's sherriff. http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorio.../brandon/1.html . The perpatrators were not arrested at the time of the complaint leading to his murder within days. While this case was sensationalized the press leads us to believe that this was a rare incident. The truth is it was not. Incidents like this happen every day and have happened to over 2000 users who have written me in four years. Except for a few of these cases most were not reported and those that were had been treated like it was their fault. Some were even victims of the Police Themselves. What of the victims who couldn't write because they were dead. Families tend not to report their child was gay or transgendered because they are embarrassed so often the truth is hidden under the rug. Then there are those who prefer not to have their names publicized with the Transgender label next to it because they are stealth and wish to remain that way.

This is a forum not only for transgender victims to tell their story and be supported anonymously but for us as a community to discuss the heinous vilolence committed against our members every day. The first step in fighting hate crimes is to openly talk about it and show the true numbers of how much this occurs. Few have any idea the violence against us is not rare. There was not only Brandon Teena there are thousands of more victims that suffer silently. Tell us your story. Discuss violent hate crimes against Transgenders here.

I am working on a new Hate Crimes section that will open shortly on the Articles page. We can stay silent no longer.

Laura

It is common practice, to hear people yelling very crude and painful comments, when they drive by, knowing that I can never prove that they made those comments, especially when I didn't get their licence plate. Else, have them drive up, right behind me, pressing hard on the car horn, as they are making comments, like "what the f**K?" before driving away. This happened to me, while walking on an university campus, in downtown Toronto. I won't talk about my growing up as a kid, that is still too painful territory for me and am working through it with counselling.
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Guest Carrie7676

I live in the same building I moved into when I first came to San Francisco. So a lot of tenants got to witness a large part of my medical transition. The only people who don't know I'm trans are new people who move in and if they don't figure it out, someone will be sure to tell them. So I never know how a new tenant is going to behave around me. One day last year, I was in the building's elevator, and when I got to my floor and the door opened, one of the new tenants was standing there, blocking my way. He said I was sick and that he was going to kill me and he was going to make sure that it happened "soon". I called the police and when they came it looked like it was going to be a waste of time. But then this guy came downstairs and I said "that's him!". He admitted to the police that he had plans to kill me!!. He was arrested and eventually was committed to the state mental hospital for 3 years. The police told me that he just doesn't understand that he can't go around threatening to kill people. He was convicted of making criminal threats, and charged with a hate crime. One of the other tenants later told me that the guy was "just" high on crack, and "probably" didn't mean what he said!!! I feel fortunate that this time the perpetrator didn't get away with it, and, I can start looking for a new place to move to because I qualify for relocation expenses paid for through the victim's defense fund. I also feel lucky to be alive.--Nova

OMG Nova; That is so sad to hear, and thank you for sharing it, and In San Fran of all places too, You I always thought there were certain "Sanctuaries" for us but I realize that is not so, on a smaller scale I was in Cedar Springs, Dallas, the gayberhood to say as I was walking out of The Nail Spa, when this man stated shouting at me something about I should not wear heals? I on had a Sandals with a 2 inch rise on lol, and said something as I will never be a woman and at the time I was very passable, (looking to the nines coming out of the Spa) This guy also looked to be violent too, I looked around and it was as if everyone in ear shot stopped and were looking to see if this guy would do anything , so I smiled and started towards him to confront him when he hooped into his car and left, after that i thought confronting him may not have been a good idea but it all worked out, so as I was saying yes even in the most safest places we are still in danger, carry that pepper spray girls! oxoxoxox Carrie

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Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

Edited by Carolyn Marie
name deleted to protect privacy
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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

Maxcess, I want to welcome you to Laura's Playground, and to say that I'm very sorry that such a thing happened to you. Did you report his behavior to the police? If so, was anything ever done about it?

It might be a good idea to try and find another place to live, if its becoming too dangerous where you are. Or if you have proof that the girl is trying to find someone to beat you up, that too is a crime and ought to be reported to the police. It's called conspiracy.

I hope you can find good information and friends here at Laura's, hon. You are welcome to post in any forum, but we do ask that you read and abide by the site Terms and Conditions. We keep the site content at a PG 13 level, so you need to watch your language.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

am going to court and being charged,

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Guest maxcess

Hello all,went to NB housing,got an appointment for Jan 9 2012,I was going to move,but were to,another rooming house,could be worst off,am stressed were am at,but I have a few friends here and don't know many people here in Moncton,I feel like am in jail here,confine to my room,because I've been avoilding the 2 giving me the problems and she's downstairs most of the day and it's depressing sitting in my room by myself,you get negative thoughts being alone and your stress builds up.Don't know were I can go to hang out around here and have very little money and winter is coming on,so not to warm outside and am not hanging around in malls,only trouble in time.Just wish there were some where's were I can go just to get away from this place just so I can get this stress out of me,any one got any answers for me,MaXceSS.

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Guest maxcess

Hello again beautiful people,I see there's no answer to my question,what I think would be good,is a place were we can go,play games,talk and meet and films and talks that can help us and our young beautiful one's ,a place to relax and take away the day to day stress.The reason is,we lost touch with our young one's,in witch leaves them no where's to turn,in witch they have these feeling of lost hope for them self's and that is when they turn to self abuse and violence,we all need to know that other's care,because it gives people hope,hope of having a life and to know that they are normal like any one else.For I know when I was younger I had no where's to turn to and had to count on my self,I was lost and depress,I felt all alone and one is a lonely number and I needed to know I was loved and people out there do really care and with out it,I didn't really care about my self,I was hurting inside and no where's to turn.It's a shame to wake up one day and see your old and life has pass you bye and all you feel like doing is killing yourself,all because you where lost and had no direction in life.Where scared that life will pass us bye and were not worthy of living and were the lowest thing on earth and no one wants us and they just want you to go away and die.But every one is worthy to have a life,no matter what gender or race we may be,so finding way's to bring us together and showing love and caring for each other will only boost up our spirits and give us reasons for going on with life and in time,coming out of the closet.Because if enough of us come out of the closet,the world will have to accept us for how we are and change for the better in time.People are scared what we may turn life into,they think that we will pervert the world and the world will go to hell,people will be killing one another and everything is about SEX,how far from the truth they are.You will always have your perverts in life no matter what, if the world accepts us or not.Hopefully in time we can help all to become beautiful people and love and respect one another for how they are.But first we must work with our self's and bring our self's together,though love and respect for one another and let it spread outwards and show the world that we to are worthy people and have love and respect for others and are no different from them.

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Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

am going to court and being charged,

Up date:Good day to all,Well now the guy for the past week is into staring me down like he wants to beat on me,I have the Idear that he's looking for another fight and not only that but he got there and punched a 60 year old man here in the face and gave him a black eye and bloody nose and a couple other people here are not to impress,so we called the landlord and he said he would try and weed him out,witch means he's not kicking him out,were all here not to impress(besides the girl here how doesn't like cross dressers) And now for the past week she's been working,thank god.I decided that am not just going to stay in my room here all the time because that would drive me into killing myself and them too,not to smart,so when am down stairs I stay down stairs and do what am doing and she's been getting mad and going to her room now and staying there and slamming doors all times of the day and night waking everybody up.The other cross dresser here,had to quit his job because he's to stress because of him and her,so now we'll be spending more time together here now,instead of me being alone with him here because she's working,thank god(I'll say it again) am hoping that,that guy doesn't beat on the other cross dresser here because he's only a 120 pounds and a small guy,that would make me so mad I would beat him so bad he wish he was dead,me and the other cross dresser here are really good friends and we comfort one another when the other is down.well am going to leave it at that for now,will up date on what happens.
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Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

am going to court and being charged,

Up date:Good day to all,Well now the guy for the past week is into staring me down like he wants to beat on me,I have the Idear that he's looking for another fight and not only that but he got there and punched a 60 year old man here in the face and gave him a black eye and bloody nose and a couple other people here are not to impress,so we called the landlord and he said he would try and weed him out,witch means he's not kicking him out,were all here not to impress(besides the girl here how doesn't like cross dressers) And now for the past week she's been working,thank god.I decided that am not just going to stay in my room here all the time because that would drive me into killing myself and them too,not to smart,so when am down stairs I stay down stairs and do what am doing and she's been getting mad and going to her room now and staying there and slamming doors all times of the day and night waking everybody up.The other cross dresser here,had to quit his job because he's to stress because of him and her,so now we'll be spending more time together here now,instead of me being alone with him here because she's working,thank god(I'll say it again) am hoping that,that guy doesn't beat on the other cross dresser here because he's only a 120 pounds and a small guy,that would make me so mad I would beat him so bad he wish he was dead,me and the other cross dresser here are really good friends and we comfort one another when the other is down.well am going to leave it at that for now,will up date on what happens.

Up date-well 4 of us when the landlord came for rent,stood up and told him we want him out,so the landlord kicked him out,she's meddow down,but I still don't trust her,am just going to keep to myself still and not talk to her,just do my own thing and I know not to talk to people like her if there not trust worthy,it takes time for any one to heel inside,don't just happen over night, normally about a year,only if some one really wants to change.She's lucky in the first place to move in this place,because the people who live here are honest and trust worthy people and get along great with one another,not to many rooming houses are like this here in Canada,well catch U sweetie's later,have a good day.

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  • Forum Moderator

Interesting question, My guess would be teens-and the stats are bound to be affected by the number of trans teens that end up on the streets where they inevitably encounter violence. I know that the stats are higher within some populations-like minorities-in our community as well but I have not seen a specific breakdown

Although it is to some extent stereotyping I believe it is also true that teens are more likely to be risk takers and through inexperience to also not recognize risks as often. Experience tends to teach most people caution but that being said it also seems that many of us are people pleasers from an early age as we strive to fit into a world that is askew for us and therefore perhaps not be as eager to push the envelope as teens though I do believe teens are far more likely to bully and inflict violence due to immaturity than older people. In fact I'm sure that I have read that stat somewhere. Not just in relation to trans but to LGBT in general.

Just my guess and reasoning

Johnny

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Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

am going to court and being charged,

Up date:Good day to all,Well now the guy for the past week is into staring me down like he wants to beat on me,I have the Idear that he's looking for another fight and not only that but he got there and punched a 60 year old man here in the face and gave him a black eye and bloody nose and a couple other people here are not to impress,so we called the landlord and he said he would try and weed him out,witch means he's not kicking him out,were all here not to impress(besides the girl here how doesn't like cross dressers) And now for the past week she's been working,thank god.I decided that am not just going to stay in my room here all the time because that would drive me into killing myself and them too,not to smart,so when am down stairs I stay down stairs and do what am doing and she's been getting mad and going to her room now and staying there and slamming doors all times of the day and night waking everybody up.The other cross dresser here,had to quit his job because he's to stress because of him and her,so now we'll be spending more time together here now,instead of me being alone with him here because she's working,thank god(I'll say it again) am hoping that,that guy doesn't beat on the other cross dresser here because he's only a 120 pounds and a small guy,that would make me so mad I would beat him so bad he wish he was dead,me and the other cross dresser here are really good friends and we comfort one another when the other is down.well am going to leave it at that for now,will up date on what happens.

Up date-well 4 of us when the landlord came for rent,stood up and told him we want him out,so the landlord kicked him out,she's meddow down,but I still don't trust her,am just going to keep to myself still and not talk to her,just do my own thing and I know not to talk to people like her if there not trust worthy,it takes time for any one to heel inside,don't just happen over night, normally about a year,only if some one really wants to change.She's lucky in the first place to move in this place,because the people who live here are honest and trust worthy people and get along great with one another,not to many rooming houses are like this here in Canada,well catch U sweetie's later,have a good day.

Up date,well the lady here quit her job and one of the tendents told me that she quit her job because of all the other people at work there,that it was there fault,I don't think so myself,because of her attitude and the way she is,she blames everybody else and she does it here,it's everybody else that causes the problems and not her(she's right everybody else is wrong attitude) she lies like hell and she steels.Well she's meddow down and not saying anything much to me or the other CD here,she's been nice talking to the other's here,(trying to get them on her side) but the other's is smart about it and reallizes what she's up to so she's fooling nobody,they just keep being nice to her and do there own thing and for me,even throw she tried being nice to me,I still don't talk to her nor the other CD,because she's to much into head games and nobody here wants to play head games with other people,just her and she's still steeling other people's food here and the guy who's food being stoolen isn't worried about it,he knows she's doing it and just laughts about it,he's working and making enough money so he's not worried about it and he also rented the other room across from me to,to store stuff in it and so that we don't have to worrier about some one else that may move in,one problem here's all we need,so things are looking a little better around here and hopefully she'll get another job and keep it to.Me I know I take most of the blame around here for things because am the caretaker here and some times I get so stress from it and I can't wait till I move into an apartment,am just going to hold in here and do my best,till I do move,I'll keep you all up dated to what's happening,take care and have a good day everybody,love MaXceSS.

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Guest maxcess
Is it more likely to happen to teenage youths who are out about being trans? Or to adult transpeople? :S
Well when your a teen,your in school with the other teens and around them in the things you do and teens can be really curl.When people grow up and start to take on a family and work,they don't have the time,but the hates still there and our hate can reflect on our children in witch will take it out on other children.But not all towns are trans friendly and some people there will beat on you and run you out,it's all were your at and the people your around.When I first came here in Moncton to this rooming house,I had people pushing me around and robbing me and one guy how was robbing,beating on my privates and raping me and was a crackhead.So a few of us here got together and got these people kicked out and as time went by the place got better and better with people who get along and no drug addicts.So it can be bad for both,but teens do have it worst they can't just up and leave there situration and move on like an adult there stuck in it till they can and growing up with others who have hate for you and are curl to you,can cause you to hate yourself and inflict pain apond yourself,but when you get older you can grow out of it,depending on how much pain your have inside and can deal with it. for it can affect a person there whole life,it stopped me from going on with my life and being what I wanted to be and I was lost all though my 20ty's and 30ty's and had a lot of hate in myself for myself.MaXceSS.
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  • 2 months later...
Guest maxcess

Good day to all,am Maxcess from Moncton NB Canada,am a cross dresser and am having problems here where am living,this girl I new when I first move in here that lived here for one month when I first moved to Moncton (Dec 29 2008) we got along great then because I didn't cross dress then,started Nov 2009 to cross dress I meet her up town in the middle of July 2011 all dressed (I go out dress when I go out),talked to her a few min's and she asked me if I was living in the same place and I told her yes me and another cross dresser,she moved back in here the 1st of Aug and pretended she was my friend and got there talking to me to find out how I was doing and what was happening to me and in the first of Sept so many people got there calling me a sweetie the first 4 day's of the month and I was down on myself,that's when she got there bitching at me and calling me a sweetie and the other CD here to and saying some very mean things to us and theatning to have a beaten and kicked out and got lying to the landlord and when that didn't work she got this guy here that moved in a month after she did working against us to,he got there one night before the end of Oct when I went downstairs to use the washroom (I live in a roomming house)he came down and went into the livingroom and after I used the washroom I went to check the main door to make sure it was locked and the outdoor light was on,he walked over to the doorway of the kic and livingroom inwitch I had to come back that way in order to go up stairs to go back to my room and when I tried to go around him he stood in my way and shoved me back and I said can I get by and he said nothing so I tried to go around him and he moved in my way and shoved me back again and said or yelled at me, DID U TALK TO _______, HUN,DID U TALK TO ______ (_______ is the landlord)I said yes (he got there herrassing me a week before the landlord did nothing)he grabbed me by the throat I snapped (I got a head injury from 2 guy's in 1997 that almost beat me to death and cracked my skull I black out or snap when someone tries to beat or hurt me) I flipped him over so fast and had him to the floor beating on his face and when I realised I was beating on him I stopped 4 or 5 seconds afterwards he couldn't even get up and was rolling around with blood pouring out of his face,he must have lost about a pint of blood,he don't talk to me or harrass me now,but the girl here now is going up town offering guy's money to beat me and the other cross dresser here now.

am going to court and being charged,

Up date:Good day to all,Well now the guy for the past week is into staring me down like he wants to beat on me,I have the Idear that he's looking for another fight and not only that but he got there and punched a 60 year old man here in the face and gave him a black eye and bloody nose and a couple other people here are not to impress,so we called the landlord and he said he would try and weed him out,witch means he's not kicking him out,were all here not to impress(besides the girl here how doesn't like cross dressers) And now for the past week she's been working,thank god.I decided that am not just going to stay in my room here all the time because that would drive me into killing myself and them too,not to smart,so when am down stairs I stay down stairs and do what am doing and she's been getting mad and going to her room now and staying there and slamming doors all times of the day and night waking everybody up.The other cross dresser here,had to quit his job because he's to stress because of him and her,so now we'll be spending more time together here now,instead of me being alone with him here because she's working,thank god(I'll say it again) am hoping that,that guy doesn't beat on the other cross dresser here because he's only a 120 pounds and a small guy,that would make me so mad I would beat him so bad he wish he was dead,me and the other cross dresser here are really good friends and we comfort one another when the other is down.well am going to leave it at that for now,will up date on what happens.

Up date-well 4 of us when the landlord came for rent,stood up and told him we want him out,so the landlord kicked him out,she's meddow down,but I still don't trust her,am just going to keep to myself still and not talk to her,just do my own thing and I know not to talk to people like her if there not trust worthy,it takes time for any one to heel inside,don't just happen over night, normally about a year,only if some one really wants to change.She's lucky in the first place to move in this place,because the people who live here are honest and trust worthy people and get along great with one another,not to many rooming houses are like this here in Canada,well catch U sweetie's later,have a good day.

Good day to all,had computer problems and wasn't able to get on my computer and stay on it,got another computer now. Upb date-Well come to find out,buddy there was pushing the other cd around to,when no one else was around and he didn't tell me untill he was kicked out,no wonder he quit his job.Well the girl that was giving us problems,she moved dec 31st and a couple people that moved in here are good people and like cd's.Am still going to court for beating that guy to,I'll let you all know what happens.I started going out to the gay bar here once a week,hoping to get myself a boyfriend or girlfriend because I can't handly being alone. MaXceSS
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Guest Elizabeth K

This is an old TOPIC - it was written six months before I joined in 2008. If you take the pole it brings up the original discussions, even if you do not comment. So that is why it came up again - Maxcess gave us an update.

I am glad to see this pole resurface.

Lizzie

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KathrynJulia

I live in Missouri, hold concealed carry permits from Missouri and Florida, I'm a former police officer, ex Army Ranger and refuse to lay down and be a victim. I would rather be tried by 12 citizens than be carried to my grave by 6 friends. I will fight back. I will kick, bite, punch, and shoot anybody who thinks I am a pushover, an inocent victim and can be hurt without their being consequences. I'm a peaceful person by nature and wish to be left alone. I try and avoid conflict. I did not enjoy my 4 years in law enforcement, and I did not enjoy 4 years in the Army, But if cornered and left no retreat, well I received some excellent training on how to protect myself and I practice self defense weekly at the Chapman Academy here in Columbia. My ammunition expenditure and self training exceeds my training as a Police Officer. My son says, I pity the fool who misjudges my dad as a helpless victim. We need a no tolerance mentality to violence aimed at us. My uncle marched in San Francisco, As a gay man, he and thousands like him told the world, tread on us and we will stand up to you, Gays and Lesbians are slowly receiving respect. They haters look at us as powerless people. They hate us and don't respect us at all. Bullies looked at the jewish people as less than human. After the holocaust, the jewish people said never again. And only that idiot in Iran is stupid enough to threaten Israel. Throughout history when people were looked upon as powerless, and less than human, they were victimized by punk cowards and controlled, while meekly being led to the slaughter. I will not go meekly. I will leave in their mind that I was someone unafraid of their hate and bullying. That I will try and avoid confrontation, but don't try and intimidate and victimize me. My rights will not be violated without a fight. That I extracted a terrible price before they could get to me. Maybe by my example, I put a little doubt in their mind, a little fear and if just one person is left alone due to that uncertainty, There is one or two less victims, then my sacrifice will be worth it. Everyone may not agree with me. I can live with that. But I'm learning to not be afraid of the bullies, the haters and these murderers. Leave me alone. Leave my friends alone. All my life I have stood in front of the powerless and stared down cowards and that is just what they are.. .

Kathryn

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  • 1 year later...
Guest sophia.gentry58

I really don't want to belabor what many may have already said, but I desire to put in at least two cents worth. :) I understand the emotional outcry for such stringent laws as hate crime legislations. However, I wonder if any have given some thought to what that really entails. Think about it, a "hate crime" any "hate crime" cuts to the core of one's belief system. What this ultimately means is that what we are saying is that we want people prosecuted for their thoughts. Do we really want to be at the vanguard of such a movement (notwithstanding the fact that the "hate crimes" movement has been around for awhile). As you can see from my post photo that I am probably no stranger to people wanting to come against me for no other reason than for the color of my skin. But here is the down and dirty; if John Q. Public comes and bashes me in the head because of the color of my skin, there is only one thing that I want to happen to him and that is for him to be prosecuted ande sentenced for bashing me in the head. I could give a rip about why he did what he did, I only care that he did. By that same token if someone attacks me because I'm walking down the street in a dress and makeup, the police officer that denies me due process and failes to pursue the law and prosecute to the fullest extent of that law will find me litigiouly going after the deepest pocket there is in that entire state to include the state itself. We have a right to be protected from physical harm or the fear thereof, no matter the reason. The law is for the lawless, let's see them prosecuted and sentenced for what they do, not for what they think. Someone can commit assault (putting one in fear of harm to life or limb), battery (actual physical harm of life or limb) or both, assualt and battery, but when this happens they must be punished for their intent to do the act and or the act itself. We are unlikely to change people because they are punished for hating us, but, that they are punished for the assault and or battery might deter them next time. Of course, we can leave it up to the sociologists and psytchologists as to the motives of warped human-kind.

Sophia

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Jennifer T

Sophia, I think you have excellent points. I may have relayed this here of the forums once, I can't recall. But anyway, I am a bicyclist. That's a pretty mundane thing, mostly. However, I've been swiped, cursed at, and threatened while on my bike. Ive also been hit and the driver fled the scene. It angers me the people can get so files up by something as innocuous as a cyclist. People love to hate, it seems.

But once, while riding wearing pink shorts, a group of young men seeing me have to stop and fix my chain that popped off, began yelling at me. I ignored them, got my chain on and rode off. As I was heading down the highway back up to cruising speed, I heard the roar of a poorly muffled pick-up truck bearing down on me. Then I heard the voices and I knew I was in serious danger. Fortunately I was about a mile from where I had parked and so, i rode like a banshee to my car. I am lucky, I got there as they overtook me. Hopped off my bike. The place was public and they pulled up in front of me about 50 yards, stopped and stood in the back of the pickup with baseball bats staring at me with hate and malice in their eyes. I know in my heart that had I not made my destination, they'd have beat me with those bats. I took off my shirt came around my car and stared back at them.

After what seemed an eternity (probably 10 minutes or do), they drove off. Too many people nearby.

It is the 'why' that would have caused the 'what', and I'm not sure how to deal with that intellectually. I know people hate and do atrocious things. It's so sad.

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Guest sophia.gentry58

Hi Jennifer,

I think the reason you are unable to "deal with that intellectually" with respect to "the why that would have caused the what" is because in my humble opinion the why and the what are not mutually inclusive. The "why" is coming from an emotional perspective. We have an inate desire to know why someone does what they do especially when it comes to committing harm to another person. I would be the first to advocate one's desire to emotionally connect to the why of another's action. However, I believe (humble opinion again) that when it comes to the law we tread on dangerous ground when we attempt to evoke emotions into it; let's not forget the Salem witch-hunts, the original inquisitions, and a plethora of other heinous acts under the guise of the law, religious or otherwise. These acts were based in the emotional fervor of the time. Today, as in times past, emotional fervor is alive and well. We grimace at the thought that anyone would want to attack another because of who they are, but we should never confuse being dismayed and even angry and disgusted because of a person's narrow-minded, backwater, bigoted views with wanting to see them punished for unwarranted attack on another, regardless of the assailant's reason(s).

When those three young men tied a chain around the neck of an African American man in I believe Tyler, Texas; tied that chain to back of a pickup truck and dragged him in the road until his head was decapitated after his body hit a culvert I wanted to know why someone would allow hatred to enter them and influence them to cause that level of harm to another. However, at the end of the day when those who were found guilty of the crime, I wasn't the least bit interested in hearing the judge say that they were going to jail or were going to be excuted because they hated "black" people. My only concern at the moment of the verdict and sentencing being read was that they were found guilty of murder in the first degree and the sentence for that murder was to be such and such. That's it, nothing else need be done with regard to the law. Now, if some journalist, sociologist, or some person desiring to do a documentry want to ask the "why" to life's perplexing problems, then let them.

My overriding concern Jennifer is this, that one day someone may want to prosecute me or you for our thoughts against another. We are sovereign free-will beings and no one has the right to usurp, prosecute, or punish us for what we think, only for what we do against another.

Sophia

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Guest Jennifer T

Hi Sophia. I agree mostly with all that you've stated here. And I fully agree that people should not be prosecuted simply for what they think.

But I do disagree a little with you concerning the law simply being satisfied by a verdict of 'guilty of murder'. Our crimes (as a justice system in our nation) do carry with them degrees based on 'intent' and emotion. Assault and Aggravated Assault are degrees based on the perpetrators intent. Murder has several degrees, and a murder committed under premeditated conditions carries stiffer penalties than say one that was committed in a moment of passion or in a mentally unstable condition. Look at the Jody Arias case. Compare that to Dr. Kevorkian's assisted suicides. Both situations resulted in the death (murder by our laws) of a human, but emotion and intent have a lot to do with how each is viewed and prosecuted.

No, what people think should not be criminal. However, when people commit crimes based on such thoughts, then those thoughts can certainly become inextricably linked to the crime, determining both its severity and the type of punishment to deal with it. The case you referred to was heinous not simply because a young man was murdered, which is heinous enough, but the reason for his murder and the manner in which that murder was carried out most definitely are tied to the atrocity of the crime.

Yes, the what and the why are linked. In the story I shared, no crime was committed against me. But there was an intent. And had they attacked me and/or killed me, the why would have been significant in determining how their crime would have been prosecuted.

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Guest Jennifer T

Btw, I'd like to iterate that this is most definitely good conversation. Thank you for taking the time and consideration to do so.

Peace to you this day.

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Guest sophia.gentry58

Hi Jennifer;

This is thought provoking and I hope I lend some constructive value to the topic of hate crimes and violence. I understand perfectly what you are saying and do agree wholeheartedly that there are degrees of crimes by which the law does consider when weighing what punishment to mete out. First let me say that the crime of passion and the crime of premeditated murder has one constant in both; emotion. Unless a person has a severe pathology and is devoid of emotions, it is impossible for a human to act absent emotion, for we are emotional beings. However, hereiin lies the rub, many people believe that one's punishment for murder should be less because the act involved uncontrollable emotions versus one who should be punished harshly because their act was methodical and calculated. Why do I say this is a rub, because when we settle for this idea that somehow we should be punished less when acting only out of our emotions since we weren't really thinking at the time of the heinous act is flawed on its face. I would submit to you that the person who believes that he/she acts without thinking is more dangerous than the person who is premeditated in their act. Our emotions are never accomplished in a void since every emotion is always preceded by a thought. Of course, when we fail to control our thoughts then indeed the act committed seems spontaneous and purely out of emotion when really it never is.

The person who stabs their spouse a 100 times for committing infidelity and the person who lies-in-wait and commits an assination are both acting from their emotions; one without controlling his/her thoughts to harm another and the other controlling his/her thoughts to harm another. Which one should get the greater punishment; I say they should both be punished to the fullest extent of the law without gradations. Their punishment should be equal because their crime is equal. Forget about crimes of passion or crimes of hate (for the moment we're not talking about manslaughter, which is a whole other can of worms entirely) both persons in our scenario committed murder for which they should be punished, not on some sliding scale, 1st, 2nd, or 3rd degree murder conviction but murder, period. I know this seems harsh for it seems I leave no room for speculation and compassion for killing another human being, though I did say murdering an innocent human being. However, I believe that having these degrees of murder has made it more dangerous for citizens not safer. How long will it take before some slick lawyer is able to prove to a court (maybe a not-so-sympathetic court or jury) that his/her client had no hate for me being a transwoman when he/she killed me and therefore should get very little jail time because the prosecutor could not prove a case of a "hate crime", Sounds ridiculuous I know, but it wasn't too long ago in our history when

people were murdered in this country by others who were known to have committed the murders and yet a jury of their peers found them not guilty.

I know I have belabored making my point so let me get to it; I believe that the taking of innocent life is wrong and I believe that whatever motive is behind the taking of innocent life should not be factored in when deciding to give a lighter or more strigent punishment. If you dice me up in a million pieces because I am a transwoman and mail my body parts to every transgender organization in America or you simply come up behind me in the dead of night to steal my purse and causing my death in the process (even if I happened to die of a heartattack as a result of your crime) should net you the same punishment for murder from a crime of passion. If this means execution or life in prison without parole so be it.

Sophia

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Guest Jennifer T

Wow Sophia, I have to chew on that for a while. I cannot say I agree with that. Because we are emotional beings, everything we do, as you've alluded to, can involve emotion. And our ideas of justice do as well. Sometimes the greater good is accomplished through grace or leniency. If every crime committed exacted the same recompence for each similar crime, well, I fear we'd all suffer. And that ideology bears striking resemblence to "an eye for an eye". Extenuating circumstances - of which motives can be a part - need their place, in my opinion.

But, I will think further on what you've presented here.

Again, good discourse!

Peace

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Guest sophia.gentry58

Hi Jennifer,

As I said in a previous thread my opinion is harsh and perhaps a bit radical. However, I do want to clarify that I am only speaking about the taking of innocent life. I'm not even talking about those who commit manslaughter necessarily, which I can understand bringing into the equation compassion and leniency for that and other crimes committed. However, I still hold to the idea that when you intentionally kill someone, whether it's because you caught your spouse in bed with someone else, you go into a bank and rob it and an old woman drops dead of a heart attack as a result of the robbery, or you methodically plan and execute an assination; there ought to be no leniency. Also, I believe the more leniency we do give the more people will take advantage of the system. We have a insane amount of other illegal activties for which we can grant leniency to the perpetrator, murder should not be one of them.

One final point, some years ago a young man walked into a court building and shot a man in the head who was being lead in handcuffs for a heinous crime he had committed. Question, should that man who walked into the court building and shot the other man in the head be given leniency? If I told you that man was Jack Ruby would that make a difference? Should we have afforded him leniency had he not died before being granted a second trial? However, I don't speak of Jack Ruby, but of another man who shot and killed his son's rapist as he was being escorted through a court building. That man was found not guilty due to mental distress. What about Gary Plauche whose son's karate instructor had molested him over a ten year period before kipnapping him for 10 days. As the perpetrator was brought through the airport Gary Plauche shot the man dead. He later plead no contest to manslaughter and was given 5 years probation and 300 hours of community service. While my heart bleeds for the fathers who took revenge for their sons, yet, in both incidents these men committed a crime that was premeditated. Why should they not have been convicted of 1st degree murder as Jack Ruby was? I'm all for providing leniency where other crimes are concerned, but we have a serious problem in our judicial system when it comes to prosecuting and punishing murderers.

Btw, anytime someone puts you in danger of life or limb, they have in effect comitted a crime, which is why Bernhard Goetz was not convicted of shooting those four teenage thugs on a subway in New York some years back. Those individuals who came behind you in their threatening manner were in effect assaulting you, according to law. (((hugs)))

Sophia

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      Yeah, it’s International Women’s Day! (I’m in Japan, so I might be a day head of you.) Let’s celebrate the diversity of women and fight for a society where all women can pursue their dreams!   https://www.internationalwomensday.com   Be sure to page down and listen to “Choose to Challenge” by Anita Nandaula”!
    • Kasumi63
      So what do I hope people (especially transgender people and loving partners) learn from my story?     First, about communication.  Many people emphasize the importance of communication, and of course, I agree with those comments. However, I also think it’s important to consider the conditions that make free and open communication possible.  I think the most important condition is that both people feel SAFE to tell the truth. If telling the truth means being abandoned and cut off, few people will have the courage to do so. This is precisely why coming out is so painful and difficult for transgender people. And I don’t recommend that people come out—unless they have a safe place to land in the event of not being accepted. Just saying, “Let’s have a discussion,” even in a calm and loving voice, doesn’t cut it. You need to let the person know that they’ll be safe regardless of how things turn out. Of course, this cuts both ways.   Second, about third party support. Related to what I said about communication, I think each party should find an independent friend, relative, or counselor, to whom they can talk about the relationship. This is so they’ll feel safer to be more honest with their partner. I have to admit that this is one reason my wife and I have had such a hard time, neither of us have any really close friends to confide in.   Third, about self-knowledge. Some people, such as my wife, can and do give very straight answers to just about any question about their feelings and beliefs. To be honest, I am somewhat in awe of such people. Are you happy? Do you think you’re female? Are you homosexual or straight? Why are you like this? Though I’ve gotten much, much better, I’ve found most of these questions to be impossible to answer, and confusing in the extreme. Needless to say, self-knowledge is important, and perhaps another important prerequisite to good communication, but at the same time, I don’t think human beings can be reduced to simple, straightforward answers all the time. So, even though you might just want a straight answer to a simple question, the person might not even have such an answer.   Fourth, about eliciting answers. This is where communication gets really tricky. In speaking with my wife, I often used to think to myself, “What does she want me to say.” Or, “What answer would make her happy?“ Or even, “What would be the best answer to this question?” But then I would get confused and puzzled. Now I can hear everyone saying, “Kasumi, what the hell are you doing?! You shouldn’t be trying to tell the person what they want to hear; you should just be honest and answer as best you can!” I know this, but as someone who mostly confused about her own feelings, and very sensitive to how the other person feels, trying to response to their feelings often seems more honest, than not. To summarize all this, I doubt many people are as bad as me about this, but I suspect that all communication is distorted by this type of dynamic. In fact, it’s hard to even be conscious of it, but empathy and strong feelings inevitably shape all communication.   I’m afraid this has turned into another rambling note, and I suppose you can summarize all this by simply saying, that while communication is important, it’s also extremely complex and has many pitfalls. Which brings me to my final point.   Fifth, about love and respect. As I mentioned above, I think humbly treating the other person with respect is the most important thing in moving forward. I admire how the original poster (myt10) has such a deep respect for her partner. Her humble admission of “being so selfish,” when she clearly is being the opposite, almost made me want to cry. She just wants to feel safe—like we all do. I agree with what other people wrote that in his essence and in his attitude toward you, he won’t change, but I also feel pretty sure that some things are certain to change in your relationship. However, if you both treat each other with love and respect, you have nothing to fear. It’s scary, maybe even terrifying, but I hope can also feel excited and thrilled about all the new possibilities.    Please be brave and try your best to continue to be understanding and respectful of your partner! If you both can be that way, you will certainly have a wonderful adventure together. And part of an adventure is not knowing how it will turn out, while knowing it almost certainly will be something worthy of the love you’re willing to share!   I’m sending love and warm wishes from Japan—as I continue on a scary adventure of my own!
    • Pumela
    • Red_Lauren.
      Me deciding on going in to nails was purely a accident. I got my first set over the summer, and with me being hands on. It intrested me. I don't know what I would have done other wise. Retail, and food bores me. I left the manufacturing world. After being around it my whole life. Because it destroyed me body. I even was going to school for engineering at one point. I was good at it, but it really bored me, and I couldn't see my self sitting at a computer all day. 
    • ChrisR
      Update: Shortly after I posted here, I asked them where they were in their gender therapy and they said that they were pretty sure they wanted to transition. Previously they said they were not sure and I was trying to be neutral, hence the awkwardness I felt about complimenting their more feminine expression. After this conversation, I was comfortable giving compliments and they appreciated it. They just started hormone therapy this week and I really hope that they start feeling better soon. I know that it's a long road, but I'm relieved that they are moving in the right direction. 
    • KymmieL
      I am more girly than my wife. She is a tomboy.   Well my son came into the store and finally seen me in my new shirt. Of course he starts in at home, Kim possible and other BS I just ignored him. Don't know if he told my wife. If he did She hasn't brought it up.   Hope to find some info tomorrow on the transfer. Even news on the possibility of leaving would be something.   Got the bike out today. Felt good to ride again. Even if it was around town.   Kymmie
    • Kasumi63
      I bet you’re excited! Congratulations! Even if there are some painful moments, you’ll get through it! I wish you all the best!
    • Kasumi63
      Hi, myt10,  Valfole, Kay-san, and everyone else on this thread!   I have a very loving relationship with my wife, but we have been struggling with this issue for about ten years now. I just had GCS (a week ago!), and we are very close to finding a pretty happy resolution. However, this has been a long road with lots of struggles along the way, so I hope those of you here can learn from my experience, just as I can surely learn from you.   Without going into too much history, just let me explain that my wife is Japanese and we communicate in the Japanese language. We’ve been married for about twelve years, and for most of this time, I have been struggling with dysphoria and my gender identity. For a couple of years, I kept this hidden—not meaning to deceive but simply because I was struggling to make sense of everything myself. Eventually, however, it became more obvious to her what was going on—and she basically hit the roof. She used to barrage me with questions, and ultimatums, asking about my sexual orientation, gender, motivations, etc. And whenever she did, I completely shut down. I know I am fault here, too, but I simply could not share my deepest, mixed up feelings, knowing that it would mean the end of our relationship. Partly, it was because I honestly couldn’t answer all her blunt questions in the direct way she wanted; partly, it was because I was terrified of being rejected, especially knowing that I would not survive being abandoned, and also because I am extremely fond of her. Sometimes, months would go by and we’d be as happy as can be, and then something would set her off, and she would start lecturing me for hours (and I do mean hours) while I would just listen passively in silence. To be fair, from her perspective, she was struggling to communicate and just wanted answers. But from my perspective, I didn’t feel safe, confident, or secure enough to reply. On those rare occasions when I did reply, the result was more questions that would confuse me even more, leading to another shut down. Sometimes, I would try to stop dressing or transitioning for our relationship, but those efforts would never last long. Basically, she wanted me to choose between transitioning and her, and that was an impossible choice for me, so I kept wavering back and forth. There is no way I will abandon her, but I also can’t stop being my female self.   I think here I need to pause and comment about our sexual relationship. I know this is a difficult subject for everyone—and there is a ton of diverse here—but it’s obviously important for couples, if they want to clarify their relationship. As for me, I’m almost as confused on this topic as I have been about my sexual identity and orientation. Basically, when I was a man, I felt exclusively attracted to women, but what has become very clear to me over many years is that that attraction was more of an identifying with than an attraction to in the normal sense of the word. In other words, I’ve wanted to look and be like the women I’ve been with, if that makes any sense. On the other hand, whenever I was dressed as a woman, I mainly felt attracted to men and nothing excited me more than having a man be attracted to me. These were the times that I most felt like myself. For about ten years now, we haven’t had a sexual relationship at all.   And yet we love each other. Apart from this issue, we get along great. We share many of the same interests, thoroughly enjoy being with other, travel together, etc. I guess you can say we are the closest of friends. Still, there has been this gender issue, and as I’ve very slowly proceeded with my transition, the issue has become more and more difficult to ignore. And then everything came to a head when I started taking hormones—and she found them. Of course, she initially got upset, but I think something broke for her, too, and she started researching and reading up on transgender issues. At the same time, she also made up her mind to support me, instead of resisting. This in turn made it easier for me to open up, and I have gained even more respect for her. The past couple of years we have been moving forward more positively. Last year, I came out to my place of work, and last week I had GCS. I have my own apartment, but spend weekends and other times here with her. We also chat online everyday without fail. I may move back in with her in the future, but I don’t know.    I suppose another important issue in this that many people don’t like to talk about is finances, but this also has a huge impact on relationships. Luckily, I have been blessed with a great job that pays well. My wife has a decent job, but probably not enough to live where we live now. Anyway, I am determined to take care of her to the end, and she has made up her mind to be emotionally supportive and friends with me.   We will probably be getting divorced soon, maybe even this month. If you’ve read this far, you might be surprised to hear that, and I think most people think of divorce as an absolute end, but I don’t, and I don’t think my wife does either. However, this will be a big change. Obviously, she won’t be able to think of me as her husband any more (that’s been slowly changing anyway), and I won’t be able to think of her as my wife. A big reason for our decision (and it’s a negative one) is Japanese law. Here in Japan, same-sex marriage is illegal; consequently, it’s illegal to change one’s gender while being married. In other words, for me to legally become female, we have to get divorced. (I acquired Japanese citizenship many years ago.)   So what will the future bring for us? I honestly don’t know. We’re both in our fifties, and nearing retirement, and we’re both pretty down on the idea of marrying again. However, she might find someone and fall in love, and I might, too. Personally, I would love to have a boyfriend, but I don’t know if I can make any commitments. My wife seems to be the same way. Of course, I want her to be happy more than anything, and I deeply respect her for supporting me, even if it’s taken some time for her to get to this point. I will be moving to an apartment that’s very close by, and she will stay in our condo, and I do not doubt that we will stay as close friends.   Conclusions? Message of the story? I think there are many, but this has gotten way too long, so I’ll leave that for a follow up post. For now, I’ll just say that if you love and respect each other, you have nothing to fear moving foward.    
    • Aurora
      First off, I am getting really excited.  45 days and counting till April 21st for my GCS.   Then also, when I had my major surgery on my stomach area back in early 2009 for cancer.  I found that just holding a pillow over my stomach area really helped out with pain when I sneezed or cough.
    • Myles97
      Thank you so much for that!! ❤️
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