Week Long Experiment

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

My parents are gone for a week, so I'm going to attempt to spend all my time at home expressing the at least part of me that's female. First time I've tried this. Having a blast so far, although I'm only six hours in!

I figure if I last all six days, I'll know I need to move forward, if I don't then just back to normal.

Feel free to share any experiences you've had doing something similar.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Well, it sounds as if you're gonna have a fun week!

Just enjoy and explore yourself...ok?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[JJ]

Enjoy and keep us updated!

[Guest Orva26]

Oh, I'm definitely going to keep watch on this topic! Good for you RadioheadRachael! I think I'm going to definitely try something similar when I'm out on my own. Which starts tomorrow.

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

Well after an exhausting day at work and an exhilarating day at home, I've decided to leave my first attempt to sleep in girl mode for tomorrow when I'm in less dire need of rest.

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

Femininity is starting to feel more normal now as Day 2 is coming near the end. Only time I haven't been a girl today was a four hour work shift. I had a "this is silly" moment walking home from work, and contemplated ending it tonight. Walked into my bedroom and the debate was over as soon as I saw my clothes.

I had a talk with my ex. She's the only one who knows. She was very supportive as she's always tried to be, until we got to talking about our relationship. Things fell into a depressing swirl as there are still a ton of feelings there on both sides. So now I feel like drinking. I shouldn't talk to her, but I feel compelled so I can talk to someone I know about this. I have two other friends I've considered telling but they are both guys, so the relationship dynamics are so different. There are so many vulnerability issues in guy friendships, it doesn't seem worth the awkwardness. That said, one is my absolute best friend and would absolutely be supportive, so I should just buck up and tell him. I'm just afraid it'll change things, or I won't be able to live up to pronouncing myself partly female gendered and I'll regret saying anything.

[Guest Orva26]

I'm glad you're enjoying this. I've been contemplating doing something similar myself but I lack enough articles of female clothing for it to work, can't exactly rock the same pair of Capri pants for a week now can I? But I did have the fun of wearing them around my apartment when I was cleaning in the kitchen and making myself dinner but I was so concentrated on actually getting that done I didn't really think about my feelings. Meh, I also have nail polish! And finally my own so now I can better estimate how I feel about that since there is no possibility of guilt from stealing. Now I'm sporting both painted toes and nails buuuuuuut the nails are kind of bad especially my right hand. I'm nowhere near ambidextrous enough for that.

Its a tough call of if you should tell your friend but I'm leaning towards no. I still don't know what I'm going to do about the general craziness that is my brain but I know one thing is for sure people are NOT going to know about it until they pretty much have to. And if it ends up being that my remedy is to do something in secret than that is how it will remain but I doubt that will be the case.

[Guest PhoebeJoan]

having your own place does help bring your true self out, whether intentionally or not. It is often the first time in your life you are afforded permanent privacy, away from the family home, college dorm, military barrack, roommate, etc. Just you. Good luck RadioheadRachael.

I have a 6 week holiday period from late jan to early March, and I plan on being in girl mode for the majority of that time. Should be great, as Ive already come out to a few trustworthy people, and have my first GT appointment later this month. A roadtrip would be good.

Im having the same concerns about coming out to close friends. They might be really supportive, but you cant help but feel it will change things. Its different with family.

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

Well, my brother called and invited himself over so I spent a good hour hiding the evidence of Rachael before he got here. I had a good time with him though. After he left I was exhausted and fell asleep almost immediately. Today no dressing yet either because of a long work shift, but that's going to change right about now. The experiment's going pretty good, but definitely not giving me the indication I'm trans. I'm definitely part female, but at times I've felt comfortable as a guy as well.

I should be fine telling my friend. He's a very understanding person, who legitimately does not think of people in shallow ways and he's far and away the best friend I've ever had. We think a lot a like and connect on a very deep level. I honestly love him.

[Guest Orva26]

The experiment's going pretty good, but definitely not giving me the indication I'm trans. I'm definitely part female, but at times I've felt comfortable as a guy as well.

I too am sometimes comfortable as a guy but everything I've done to experiment with femininity seems to only make my desire to obtain a female body stronger.

It is very awesome what the freedom to explore can do for people. You're doing great and gaining good knowledge about yourself.

From your description it seems like telling your friend could work out well. Still need to be cautious about it but if he's accepting than you'll have two people that know and you would be able to get input from both genders as well.

[Guest RadioheadRachael]

I don't know how much talking with the ex I'll do from here on out. She's always been bipolar with my gender. Sometimes loving it, sometimes hating it and deriding me. I think she has a lot of shame too, as I think she's somewhat bisexual (unadmittedly so, but all the signs are there) and it causes her a lot of shame. So she goes from being nice and supportive to making underhanded comments about how masculine I am. AND that's before we start talking about our relationship. Which is the worst of the worst when it comes to emotionally charged passive aggressive conversation. We promised to be friends at the end of our relationship but now she's playing emotional games with me. And while she wants to help me with my transition, she says she can't ever see me again.

The best part of our relationship was always an astounding sex life and an unbelievable physical intimacy. We were never intellectually compatible at all. It was the kind of relationship that's driven by unconscious desires. I feel a connection with her that defies anything rational. She feels the same way. To the point where we can't resist each other if we are hanging out. Her solution is to never see me again, I'm not so rigid. I've never liked abandoning people I truly care about. Hers is probably more practical, but I've always cared more for the spirit of things than practicality.

But, alas, I'll move on and hopefully find intellectual, emotional, and physical intimacy down the road.

[Guest Orva26]

Practical? I don't think her solution is practical at all, its very absolutist and childish in my mind. I can understand the scenario of, "Hey this is too much I'm going to be on my own for a bit." but not the idea of abandoning people. I hope she comes to realize her foolishness.

If not I'm sure you'll find the fulfillment you seek, you're a good person.