Transition - Starting A New Phase?

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear friends: It's been a little over a year since I first went out into the world as Carolyn, and a little

less than a year since I started HRT. I've realized recently that things have subtly changed for me. Not in

a bad way, just different.

Here's what I've noticed. In the first 6-9 months, everything was new, every experience unique. My senses were

always heightened when I ventured out, conscious of being clocked, conscious of what I wore, how I was made up.

It was exciting, somewhat anxiety producing, sometimes thrilling (like the times I was flirted with). I felt

totally alive, almost giddy. Coming out to different people was still an adventure. Making plans at work was

exciting and fulfilling. Seeing my HRT doc was an adventure, too. I was like a kid who wandered into the

Toys R Us in Times Square, or the first visit to Disneyworld.

But in the last 2-3 months, I've settled into a routine that is different, and yet satisfying, too. Getting

dressed en femme, while still pleasing, is no longer a big deal. Putting on makeup has become routine, almost

easy and no longer stressful. I've become adept at coming out, and actually find it exciting rather than anxiety

producing. I look forward to, rather than fear, coming out at work. Home life has become routine too, although

it can turn on a dime, depending on my S/O's mood. Perhaps the biggest change of all, is that I no longer feel

like I must be en femme at every possible moment. I know I can when I want to, but if its more convenient for me to spend the weekend as "him" I don;t really mind.

I think I can sum it up by saying that I feel comfortable in my own skin, as Carolyn, and that I can easily

envision myself as Carolyn always. It isn't an adventure any longer, its just my life.

I don't know if this makes sense to you all, but it makes sense to me. I am reasonably happy, and reasonably

content, with where I am emotionally. Somehow that seems like a big deal. Phase II has begun. Phase III is

just around the corner.

Carolyn Marie

(sorry for being so long-winded. Once I get started... )

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

But in the last 2-3 months, I've settled into a routine that is different, and yet satisfying, too. Getting

dressed en femme, while still pleasing, is no longer a big deal. Putting on makeup has become routine, almost

easy and no longer stressful. I've become adept at coming out, and actually find it exciting rather than anxiety

producing. I look forward to, rather than fear, coming out at work. Home life has become routine too, although

it can turn on a dime, depending on my S/O's mood. Perhaps the biggest change of all, is that I no longer feel

like I must be en femme at every possible moment. I know I can when I want to, but if its more convenient for me to spend the weekend as "him" I don;t really mind.

This is a good thing. For natal women life becomes routine and it just shows how much of a woman you are becoming when you realize it is not a big deal. Biological women do not make a big deal about being women and they do not feel uncomfortable so why should you. You are truly adjusted when you feel life as a woman has become routine. I am happy for you and actually kind of envious. I am still a dependent and while I have come out to some people, my inability to come out to everybody has restricted my exploration. I have yet to have a great adventure and I am even further from fully adjusted. I have barely even started anything and have been doing to much thinking. I have been looking in and not out so I am kind of jealous of those that have begun outward exploration. I know I am rambling so I'll leave it at this; congratulations on your adjustment and I am truly happy for you.

[Guest Emily Ray]

Carolyne,

I remember that we started HRT around the same time and while you were ahead of me in making your public debut I slowly caught up witth you. But, here you go sprinting ahead of me again with your calm emotional state. Congratulations on reaching phase II. Oh I love to be flirted with as well;-)

Huggs,

Emily

[Cyndee]

Perhaps the biggest change of all, is that I no longer feel like I must be en femme at every possible moment. I know I can when I want to, but if its more convenient for me to spend the weekend as "him" I don;t really mind.

Carolyn Marie

Nice to read this Carolyn. Feeling comfortable with yourself and settling into a new routine makes for less stress in life for sure. I am happy for you.

For me now it's becoming harder to be "him" now, I feel I have to be myself almost at every opportunity. Like now, the girls are gone, I am wearing my sweater dress as I type this. Some day this will become routine.

Hugs and best

Cynthia Ann

[Guest Jean Davis]

Wonderful Carolyn

In some ways I have also experienced what you are saying. Though not as far along in my journey as you I have been experimenting with clothing long enough that I feel comfortable going out as myself. Right now though it's just jeans, shirt and my high heel boots; but I keep adding as I feel better about myself. My most receint addition is a dark brown womens leather trench coat and long dangly earrings. I'm waiting off with the dresses and skirts till I can afford HRT and everything else, girls got to have something to look forward to.

LUV

Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Carolyn I am happy that you are comfortable just being yourself. That is a great place to be.

[Carolyn Marie]

Congratulations on reaching phase II. Oh I love to be flirted with as well;-)

Huggs,

Emily

Thanks, Emily! OMG, there is nothing more affirming than being flirted with.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest NatashaJade]

Carolyn, you were certainly in Phase II when I met you (I being somewhere in the middle of Phase I). I was so impressed with you and the fact that there was nothing at all that gave you away (except that you were sitting at a table with a giantess). If I didn't know that you were trans, and someone told me, I would have laughed at them for the joke they were trying to play on me. The only reason you are in Phase II at this point is that you aren't yet full time, at which point you'll jump right on over II and go to IV or V (or is V the undiscovered country from which no man returns - but women come back just fine).

The more I live as Natasha, I will say the easier it gets. You are definitely a role model for me. Now if only I could find a way to approach your size...

love!!!

Natasha

[Guest Orva26]

This topic makes me really happy. I'm glad for you Carolyn.