If Your Interested In The Recovery(Aa/na) Chat Room

[Michelle 2010]

So... yes, Melissa. Drinking, dressing, and purging? I'm sure there are a few others here who can relate even if it doesn't sound good in the light of day, lol! Ah, the best of intentions... dump the clothes and the problem disappears? No so much...

For me there was no way to get a healthy attitude about this most perplexing part of my life until quit drinking. Since I was dependent on alcohol there was no way it could be sorted out. For you, if the desire only occurs when you drink, the solution would be to stop drinking if you don't want to think about it. Of course, if you are like me you think about it either way. If thats the case, alcohol may make it harder to figure it all out. Incidently, we talk about this kind of stuff in the Sunday night 9:30 chat sessions 52 weeks a year.

Michelle

[Guest Lauren~]

Ya, I think about it weather I drink or not. The drinking just kind of gets in the way sometimes.

[Michelle 2010]

Yeah, it had pretty much gotten in the way of everything by the time I was done. Clarity of mind on important stuff was a scarce commodity, lol!

[Charlize]

I'm on my way to the Sunday meeting here but must mention that after I started working the aa program 5 hers ago i realized that while my gender problems weren't all gone my drinking problem is. Now i'm working to better understand myself.

I'm enjoying the ride now.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest karen_nicole]

Hi Michelle,

I think my epiphany came when I was able to accept who/what I am and stop fighting a battle I was never meant to win. Alcohol was the vehicle I used to stop the pain until it stopped working. Only when I became Honest, Open, and Willing with myself and others, was I able to lose my obsession to drink. By regularly attending meetings, getting involved, and working the steps, am I able to maintain my sobriety.

[Michelle 2010]

Hi karen nicole, I see you made it over from the chat side! welcome.

If you look around here you will see alot exists here that isn't in chat, although admittedly it moves at a more leisurely pace..

Members here are always interested in meeting new people, so if you post a paragraph or two in the introductions section you will be welcomed. just like in an AA meeting, lol!

Once you make five posts you can real time personal message in the forum, with it appearring only between you and the recipient. . I'd like to follow up on our chat last sunday night. please do the one time read of rules and regs too ok?

Michelle

[Guest karen_nicole]

OK, Thanx! will do. I look forward to getting caught up.

Karen Nicole

[Guest Gunner]

Having read some of the posts I agree with the fact that it makes it hard to open up for help when I have to hide my identity, i.e crossdressing. I feel little anziety when dressed as a lady but still have an addiction to alcohol. Working on it and being here is helping, thankyou.

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's, You might want to post as well in the introduction forum but i'm glad you posted here.

Please do join us at the Sunday substance abuse chatroom at 9:00 eastern. Chat takes a separate registration but you will find it easy. There are also Skype meetings that welcome all of the trans* spectrum. In the course of finding sobriety i found much more. Being able to discuss my gender issues and any other of the many other aspects of my life that i was either ashamed or embarrassed by has opened a world beyond my wildest dreams. If you have a substance problem please after you have 5 posts contact any of us who you see here. We will do our best to help.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Charlize]

here is a link to chat that is working at this point. Hope you can make it.

 

http://www.transgenderpulse.com/chat

 

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest denise_w]

I know it preoccupation with self, and self pity, that cloud my recovery and thwart true inner peace and serenity...or as a very wise woman recently advised me: to accept my own role in making my own misery in the events of my life that I perceive as bad...

2 1/2 years sober and I still feel like a beginner...

Hell, I can't even get the facial hair under control

Too many tears...to fill an ocean of pain.

Denise

[JenniferB]

I know it preoccupation with self, and self pity, that cloud my recovery and thwart true inner peace and serenity...or as a very wise woman recently advised me: to accept my own role in making my own misery in the events of my life that I perceive as bad...

2 1/2 years sober and I still feel like a beginner...

Hell, I can't even get the facial hair under control

Too many tears...to fill an ocean of pain.

Denise

I can sure relate. I'm almost 15 months sober and fighting wanting a drink at times. It's like I just stopped drinking.

Jenny

[Charlize]

I think we are all at the point of being newcomers. I'll have 8 years in 11 days. I am still one drink away from drinking myself back into hell and death. Each day i try to use the 10th 11th and 12th step to maintain and perhaps to make a bit of spiritual progress. That is important to my continued sobriety.

At this point in my life i can look at problems that surround me. If i concentrate on them they grow until they fill my mind challenged only by the next larger "disaster". I can turn a slow motorist in front of me into a disaster if i see it that way. I also have the choice to see that motorist as an opportunity to find acceptance. How i allow the world and my circumstances to affect me is mine to control.

One of the first things my first sponsor had me do was a gratitude list. All i could see was the pain i felt and the disasters life pushed on me. Here was a man in a wheelchair with years of sobriety trying to teach me to look at the bright side of life.

Trying to live in that bright side is for me a spiritual pursuit. Just like that first drink i can begin to focus on the negative and loose myself and all the joy that life can bring.

Resentment means to re think, to dwell upon a slight or difficulty with both another human and with our own lives. Recognizing that i have the chance to try to live elsewhere. Of course i must react and deal with problems with myself, my body, my circumstances and my relations with others but i do not have to dwell on the negative aspects. Act with the next right action as i can and move on physically and mentally.

If i can do that i have a chance of getting another 11 days of not drinking and if i'm persistent i may make some progress towards a perception of serenity in my daily life.

Hugs,

Charlize

I want to add a copy of a post by Johnny here at Laura's in the general forum as a part of the" a place to say something " topic.

"Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in my own hands. That nothing and no one else can make me happy but I CAN. It is as simple and hard as making up my mind to do my best and then doing it without giving in to fears and excuses.

And knowing that makes me so much less afraid to live my life and face my world.

Funny thing is I had to learn to be happy too. It was-and sometimes still is - really scary. Like the world must be setting me up sometimes. But then I remember that I got through so much in my life and ultimately through transition and I know I can handle what comes. Not to mention I finally got it through my head that 99% of what I fear never happens, yet I have paid for it as if it did. And the 1% isn't the way I thought it would be, nor does the worry and fear help me deal with it. So much time and energy and happiness thrown away.

But that is water under the bridge. I thank my Creator every day I have learned and that I have another day to live. Too many people never find this peace - all in all in spite of everything I'd say now I'm a lucky guy"

[Guest denise_w]

Thank you Charlize for such an in-depth post...

A powerful message indeed you share: "Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in [MY] own hands..."

an extension to this could also be that I wish I'd have know how much I contribute to making my own misery, that I usually am my own judge, jury, and executioner...that drowning day-to-day in oceans of pain and self pity, IS DOING ME NO GOOD! And even though I am 2 1/2 years sober, I am not living the life promised by the "promises"...because I still know of no other life (I think this is what is routinely referred to as a "dry drunk"...it is what it is). Its not helping my transition at all.

My role in my miseries.

Picking up? Oh yeah...the temptations are CONSTANTLY with me. My old friends Sam Adams, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker haven't gone anywhere. But in the final analysis, of this post at least, here I go rambling on about MYSELF again...my constant obsessive preoccupation with the EGO constitutes a great divide between my-SELF and true SERENITY. I wish I could just let go and let god (THATS a whole other topic).

(so do the Tibetan monks in the Himalayas have room for one more neophyte? )

Denise (sad)

[VickySGV]

Two words, Fellowship, and Service!! Both of those ideas point to slightly different ways out of the prison of habit, both of the doable and even at the same time.

For me, the reality has been that people who have sober fun, sober laughter, and sober endeavors automatically train me in new ways to live my life that do not lead back to "the drink". It is an effort and some times a real screaming fit to clean out my closet of dear and familiar habits (sorta like a favorite old pair of slippers) and it is even more traumatic than surgery (I know for sure) for some time, but when its over and the wound healed, it is a new beginning. The point is that it took a team in fellowship to get me to do that in much of my life. I have that fellowship today in many places, not just to keep me sober, but to make other parts of my life a little more full and away from the trash heap I put the old stuff. ( No fair sneaking out to the town dump to find 'em though.

Service, in so many ways is the most wonderful outcome of the Fellowship, not just in AA or a couple more places my addictions took me, but also in seeing myself in a greater change that has come at cost, but fully worth that cost. When I listen to new people still lost in their past, I do have to remember my past, but now that past points to what life can become and for me has become.

Fellowship, and Service!!

[Guest denise_w]

Thank you Vicky for your insightful words...I couldn't agree more: fellowship and service are critical to finding one's way out of that gloomy morass of self pity and self preoccupation and into the light of inner peace and serenity. Regrettably, for me, and yes...its the self pity that continues to drag me down...its the long suffering chronic fatigue, depression, insomnia; and an entire host of other physical problems that seriously inhibit my ability to be social, to openly fellowship, to share candidly in-meetings, hell...even to speak and think coherently (such is the gloom I often find myself in). Never mind the physical chronic pain that tends to keep me alienated and isolated from other human beings.

So the drink is still very attractive sometimes...like an old friend I don't even have to socialize with...hell, I don't even have to worry about being accepted! They're there waiting for me in their respective bottles...to renew a dysfunctional relationship of perceived relief from the pain and suffering of a self centered pain-based life.

If only I could feel good physically...get a decent night's sleep for a change...wake up feeling rested for a change...see the sunlight appearing and welcome the new day instead of dreading it. Exhausted all the time. Poor health is such a challenging factor.

Seeing the tortuous pain my transition is inflicting on my spouse...watching her transition as well...into a woman I don't know...friends, family, divisions, boundaries, prejudices, judgments...yes, 2 1/2 years sober and I feel like a newcomer!

Fellowship and service...cornerstones for getting outta' one's own head! I should heed such advice.

Thank you Vick for your helpful words.

Denise

[Michelle 2010]

Thank you Charlize for such an in-depth post...

A powerful message indeed you share: "Wish I had learned decades ago that my life and my happiness are in [MY] own hands..."

an extension to this could also be that I wish I'd have know how much I contribute to making my own misery, that I usually am my own judge, jury, and executioner...that drowning day-to-day in oceans of pain and self pity, IS DOING ME NO GOOD! And even though I am 2 1/2 years sober, I am not living the life promised by the "promises"...because I still know of no other life (I think this is what is routinely referred to as a "dry drunk"...it is what it is). Its not helping my transition at all.

My role in my miseries.

Picking up? Oh yeah...the temptations are CONSTANTLY with me. My old friends Sam Adams, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker haven't gone anywhere. But in the final analysis, of this post at least, here I go rambling on about MYSELF again...my constant obsessive preoccupation with the EGO constitutes a great divide between my-SELF and true SERENITY. I wish I could just let go and let god (THATS a whole other topic).

(so do the Tibetan monks in the Himalayas have room for one more neophyte? )

Denise (sad)

Glad you revived the thread Denise. A lot of posts here with people getting real about their situation.

One of the things I noticed was your "dry drunk" reference. Several gifts of sobriety came early for me. One was that I got a sponsor that helped me work the steps. It took me a while to come clean on my gender issues but, ultimately, it occurred. Working the steps and having a sponsor were the big life changers for me. Also, I learned that we tend to make healthier decisions in recovery. I know a guy who died because he delayed on getting an infection treated. MRSA... He had it at the same time I did. I got treated.. It seems to me there should be rewards to sobriety so I'm sorry you are suffering so. Are there medical options for you debilitating conditions? Not trying to intrude in private medical issues, just thinking that you deserve the feel better when not drinking than you did when using and self medicating.

A girl I was chatting with this morning said she fell off her pink cloud last week. Just hoping that there are things you can do that maybe haven't been tried yet that will enable you to enjoy the ride....

Best wishes

Michelle

[Guest michelle89100]

HI all,I am Michelle,I attend the skype meetings usually,my first try here ty

[Charlize]

Hi Michelle and welcome to Laura's! You might want to take a moment and also post in the introduction forum. You'll get to know more folks.

I've found this site to be a welcoming non judgmental place to read and write about my life and my issues with gender.

Glad you've joined us.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Charlize]

Chat room meeting tomorrow night at 9:00 eastern. Hope you can join me. You can have a meeting without me but i can't have one without you.

Hugs,

Charlize

[rita68]

I just dropped in to say hi to Michelle, Vicky, & Charlize.  Its been a while since I dropped in here and I've had to use a new name from rita 63.  Anyhow I recognized my 5 year birthday, by the grace of God, on Aug 4th.  I wanted to thank you for this meeting and the role you played in keeping me sober and helping me come out in my community.  I am active in both the AA and trans communities although the two do not often come together.  Most of the AA members who are also LGBTQ2etc. are just members of regular groups as I am.  Our one LGBT group is small but surviving.  I am welcome at all local meetings (over 100 weekly) and work in the Intergroup office.  We had our first information table at Pride this year and it was quite successful. 

Just wanted to let anyone visiting here know, the Promises do come true and live is better sober. 

I hope you are all well and happy.

Love.  rita

[Charlize]

So good to hear from you Rita.  Congratulations on 5 years!!!!!!!!  Its took me that long in sobriety before i could start to be honest about my gender issues.  It is also lovely to see you working the program as you are.  Please stop in anytime.

 

Big hugs,

 

Charlize

[VickySGV]

Welcome back, good to hear about the C&S time. Huggs

 

[Charlize]

I am hoping to re-start the substance abuse meeting at the chatrooms on Sundays at 9:00 eastern.  That part of Trans?Pulse no longer requires Java which my machine had difficulties dealing with.  Hope you can join us there if you feel you have an issue with using alcohol or other substances.

[Charlize]

I am unfortunately unable to come to the Substance Abuse Meeting due to problems with the compatibility of my mac computer.  Please PM me if you have issues.  i will get back to you asap.  Hopefully we will be able to resume our meetings sooner than later.  Please also look at the thread about TGAA.  Many here and elsewhere have received help there.  I know i have and continue to attend meetings there several times a week.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize