Attacked

[Guest JackieP]

I've been away for a while ..

I was taken by what I considered new friends that I met at a club , went willingly with them in their vehicle to what I thought was a party , was drugged - raped - beaten and left on the side of a gravel road , early winter ..... no jeans , jacket , underwear , boots and so on ......... hurt , bleeding , cold , humiliated and more .......

All I had was a low cut sweater that the pulled over my face to gag me a bit.

I was ready to die - more mentally than physically - but finally got mad and got up , started walking .... came up to a drive way and saw garbage bags ..... dumped one out - thank god it was clean stuff - wrapped it around my waist - at least I was partially covered ........

went to the house - around 4AM I was told - they stole my watch and purse - all jewellry as well - and the people were kind enough to open the door - they called the RCMP - the woman gave me a workout outfit to wear with a hoodie that I covered my self up with and helped me clean up my face in the bathroom - she even gave me me what looked like a new pair off ugg boots to put on - she said your feet look frozen - these will warm you up ........ I couldn't believe it - great people - farmers as it turns out - I was about 40 miles out of town ... unknown to me tho !

The RCMP finally came - took statements from the people at the house and myself - I had no ID - but I had obvious injury , plus what the women described she saw on me - they pushed for me to go to the hospital .... which I finally did - I should add , the woman from the house followed with her vehicle - I went through a sexual assault examination - was raped annaly - they found semen and other evidence as well - almost like a CSI show ........... after all this , the RCMP wants more from me - statement !!!!! Like I did this to MY-SELF !!!

I already said I didn't know them ....... really didn't ......... The woman from the house I went to - name is Laura , stepped in and said .... " Don't you think she's been through enough ! " - and she grabbed my arm and we left the hospital.

I've been healing and am OK - gained a new friend - farmer's wife - Laura .............

she confessed she went thru the same ....... never told her husband - old fashioned guy

Luv,

Jackie

[Guest sarah f]

Jackie I am so so sorry that this happened to you. We already talked about it together but know that I am still upset that this happened to you.

I hope others in the site can take this information and understand we are vulnerable now.

Please be safe everyone and know who you are going out with because it only takes once for us to let our guard down for something terrible like this to happen. You might not be as fortunate to be able to walk away from it.

[Guest JackieP]

As it should be known ... not good for Christmas time tho .......

Luv to ALL!

Jackie

[JJ]

Jackie-I am so sorry his happened! I had a couple of very close calls in my own past. I was lucky enough both times that strangers unexpectedly appeared and drove my self proclaimed attackers away.

This is a reality that every female bodied person becomes aware of from early childhood. and perhaps we overlook it too much here because those of us who are FtM don't like to discuss the details of our female bodied existence. A s a social worker required to go into very dangerous areas at dangerous times I had police training in prevention and the first thing I was taught was that you have to choose -and quickly- whether to resist or submit and submitting is smarter. Because you will get hurt resisting. They cautioned that if you make that choice you can feel very guilty but it is a survival instinct and an important one.

While there are many other things I have been taught that don't apply in your case one might. They stressed-and - have had several classes now by the way and each stressed this as number 1-is trust your instincts. Any flutter of unease, no matter how small, is important and can save you. We actually see much, much more than we realize and very often have this sense that something makes us uneasy but ignore it as being silly or unfounded or just from being in a new situation. I was trained to never, ever ignore that voice. My close calls were before those classes and one was an attempted abduction where I had no warning but since then this bit of advise has no doubt saved me. If you analize it you can actually tell the difference between the anxiety of being outed from that feeling. It is different from anxiety. The phrase I have taught my daughter and granddaughter is -If you feel unsafe, you are.

You are very, very brave to post this thread and I applaud that bravery. You did all the right things and got yourself the care you needed.

May your speaking out and helping others also help heal your own wounds and knowing that you found the strength to speak out reaffirm your own amazing strength and courage

Hugs

John

[Guest Guest_SL]

Jackie,

This sort of thing sickens me. I'm assuming you've had PTSD counseling.

I'm glad you weren't hurt any worse but that doesn't make what you went through any better.

While your Christmas has been over shadowed, I still wish the very best.

Peace, luck and love,

Sara Lee

[Guest NatashaJade]

Jackie,

I'm so sorry that you suffered this, it breaks my heart and I wish I could do more for you than offer words on a screen. The world is too cruel sometimes. I'm just glad you found kind people so soon after. There are more good folk out there than bad. But the bad ones can be monsters.

We're here for you.

love

Natasha

[Guest miss kindheart]

Dear Ms Jackie

<<<< hug >>>>>

I am so sorry to hear all of that happened to you

If there is anything I can do, Please ask

I know you must be really hurting, but you have to find away to put the pain behind you

You will never forget

But you can learn something from this, and hopefully turn something from it in to something good.

Take care sweet heart

vanna

[Guest therisa]

Jackie, am sorry, you have to experience this dark side of, being a woman. Hoping you are surrounded over the holidays with supportive and loving friends and families. Hoping the RCMP caught the scum that hurt you.

therisa

[princecharmless]

OMG Jackie that's terrible I'm so sorry

Not everyone is evil, as that lady who helped you proved.

You ran into a devil and and angel on the same day.

tc , Stu

[Guest stranger]

How terrible!

Seconding getting some counseling.

[Guest Emily Ray]

Jackie,

What a terrible ordeal! But, you are a survivor and I know you will carry these scars forever

I will pray for your speedy recovery!

God bless

Emily

[Guest Leigh]

well........this just makes me want to go punch things.........

i hope you are doing alright, and know we are here for you.....

now i have to go beat a pillow...........

peace&love

[Paula ult]

Jackie, i can only imagine what terrible ordeal that was for you to go through, at least you are still with us, please talk to a counselor to help you get through this, i hope they find these people because you may not have been their first victim.

Paula

[Carolyn Marie]

Jackie, I'm so sorry you experienced this horrible crime. No one, trans or not, deserves that. The people who did this to you are

monsters of the worst sort.

Please don't assume that you are all right emotionally and mentally. This type of crime leaves scars that can't be seen. Please seek

counseling, hon. No one should go through this alone and without professional help to recover.

I know you don't want to face the police again, but as a little time passes, you may remember more details about where you went and

with whom. Faces, names (even first names), neighborhood details, stores, factories that you passed on the way, they are all important.

If you remember anything at all, please contact the detectives working your case and provide the information. It could save some other

woman from the same fate. Don;t let the police kiss off your case. Make them work to solve it.

Thank you for posting your story. It might help someone else. You are a strong woman, Jackie. We're with you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ChloëC]

Jackie, I'm feel so bad that this happened to you. You have my deepest sympathy for having to go through such a horrific experience. I hope the best for you and your future, and that you gain other friends like the woman that helped you when you needed it. The healing will come, and I'm in full agreement with the other posters above about seeing someone and even though it will be hard, helping catch those responsible, so they can never do it again to anyone else.

Hugs and Love

Chloë

[JenniferB]

I don't know what to say Jackie. I can't imagine what you went through. I've gone through bad experiences but nothing like that.

I like Carolyn's advice the best. The only solace I can see is those evil people one day will be judged for their actions. Let's hope they get caught so they won't hurt another woman again.

Thank goodness you were able to run into someone who had compassionate. You were very fortunate and it's nice to know there are good people in the world. I don't know how many people would actually go out of their way to help you as much as she did. Talk about the good Samaritan. At least there are some people who are trustworthy.

I hope you recover quickly. This is a deep wound.

Love Jenny

[Guest JustShelly]

I am so, so sorry to hear this.

I hope you are getting any help with counseling if needed.

Thank God for those good souls that helped you.

Peace and Love be with you this Christmas.

Shelly

[Guest Angelgrlsue]

Dear Jackie

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please get some counseling for yourself. I hope the police is doing something about catching these horrible criminals. Many hugs for you sister.

Hugs,

Suzie

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I'm sorry that this happened to you... no one should have to go through that... It's a good thing you found a kind hearted person that was willing to help. *hugs* feel better, and take care of yourself

[Guest Michele H]

As a rape survivor myself I know how this will change your life and I am so very very sorry. You had more strength than me - I never reported the rape - never told anyone until I was in my 60's. Your story is in three acts - act one - the rape - was horrible, the second act - getting help was miraculous. I'm not sure which one made me cry more. The third act - dealing with the law is not over and I hope that you can find the strength to let us know how that goes.