Making A Desicion On My Own.

[Guest Mori]

Hey check it out! I'm posting here again!

anyways...I've been feeling more and more that I should come out to the people close to me and start living the way I wan't to, but...I'm also worried that I'm just rushing the desicion. I really feel like i need to stop lying to people and just say "hey I'm FTM!" But from every indication I get, that would be a bad desicion...That I should get into some gender therapy first. Is it bad to just come out after having made the desicion on my own? I just really feel like I shouldn't wait on this any more (at most probably just until the end of the holiday season...no need to complicate the holidays for everyone I care about )

One more thing to add...my one fear in coming out...My Greatest friend in the world...I really am afraid that our relationship would change. I know its silly to think, I mean he's my best friend, but I can't help but be worried that the most important thing in my life would change for the worse...

thanks for reading.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I think your instincts are correct. I know you want to come out, but usually it is best to just gradually make changes - and let people ask you eventually.

Outing changes everything.

Lizy

[Guest Mori]

So when is a good time to start asking people to call me by different pronouns and name? just as they notice and ask?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Well - after you are certain you are gender dysphoric and probably will eventually transition. It is more important that you feel you MUST be called by the pronoun and name appropriate - because you MUST be adamant that people do so, and that insistance will make it happen.

When to start? If you have advice of a GT then it is easier to make that decision. We here can't judge because we don't have enough information.

Also - a gender neutral name might be easier for people to switch over to... like Billie/Billy

Opinionated I guess... Lizzy

[Guest Zig]

If it feels right to you and you are certain of your decision, then by all means, shout it from the rooftops if you so desire. The real question is not whether or not you should say it, but whether or not you feel comfortable saying it. I know I didn't wait. I made my decision, and told the various members of my family pretty much the next day. Wasn't easy, but I knew it was right.

I have since gotten myself a therapist and am on my way to where I want to be, but it wasn't until after I had gotten the support of my family that I was able to do it. Therapists are great, but only you can truly know what's right for you. If you've already got a good idea of what's going on inside, go for it and more power to ya. <3

~ Zig

[Guest Mori]

So just a little update here. i'm still not sure if I want to out myself to my family, but I know I don't want to wait many, many years before making a desicion on what to do. I dont want to waste my life away like this. So desperetly do I want to enjoy life again, but I just feel like I can't. Its like I'm living someones elses life, and I'm trapped in their life. I'm still thinking things over and at the earliest I wont say anything to my family until after the holidays.

I'm also toying with the idea that I'm a man that occaisonaly crossdresses...Just saying I might finnaly have a solid-ish Idea of what I am...

[Guest Sam_P]

Once you're comfortable saying it, say it. There's no need to hide who you are when you don't want to anymore. Obviously there will be complications, there are always people who need some time or some education before they understand, but you don't need anyone else to tell you if you're right or when you're ready. Good luck with all the comings out!

[Guest Mori]

First thank you everyone for your kind replies and advice. It makes me glad to know that people I've never net before can be so nice.

So holidays are over...Now I'm worried. I really want to come out to my family and friends but I'm still woried that my feelings of being male might change...But this is how every issue of mine goes. I debate back and forth so much that I end up either making myself sick or being sent to the behaviour med unit of the hospital because i just dont care about myself any more.

A few people have told me (not on here) that I should just wait. That I am just making up gender issues in myself and that it will pass. I fear they are right (even thought I want to belive they are not) Others tell me that I shouldn't worry about lables and gender pronouns...They really don't matter. "Well yes mabye not to you," I want to respond, "and that makes you a wonderful person...but not everyone is like that." I want to be able to use pronouns again when talking about my self.

Like I said before I don't want to waste my life away wondering what I could be. I want to get out there, be proud of who I am, KNOW who i am. I want to be able to tell people (all those close to me that is)

"Hey I'm trans, I'm a man and I'm proud!." How can I be confident as myself when I don't even know what I am?

my mom the other day said "what you are doesn't matter you are Kelsey and thats all that matters. You are You." But who am I really? what if I'm kevin? or paul? or jamie?

I'm also worried that people will think I was kidding if I come out. mainly because i like to wear some feminine clothes and look like a young effeminate man..."doesn't that mean you're still a woman?" i fear people will say. "you're no man." they might taunt... I just want people to see the true me and be ok with it.

at the same time I dont think I want bottom surgery, and this makes me think that I might be lieing to my self.

"what respectable man doesn't want his correct genitals?" I tell myself when i lay alone at night.

After writing this all out I want to come out more but am also more scared to do so...

any thoughts out there?

[JJ]

There are so many questions there that I think face most of us at some point. I even still have moments when I doubt myself despite becoming more aware of the ways I always have been male and managed to live parts of my life as male. I locked that need to feel male to myself away in a box labeled "Do Not Examine or Question Ever!" for my entire adult life..

First of course is that old you really need to work this through with a gender therapist because each of us is so different, because if you happen to be androgynous or even the rare bi-gendered you may also need help coming to terms with it or with all the conflicts of being one gender raised in another if you are transsexual. .

But with that caveat out of the way I will say tnat at first I thought I had a female component to my gender. I am nurturing, intuitive and possess verbal skills that are more in line with female. And though I hate girly clothes I like androgynous clothing better than male. In the months I have spent here I have uncovered layer after deeper layer of truths. I have realized that although I am all male I was socialized as a woman and have been subjected not only to decades of the influences of estrogen but also to the massive hormonal impact of pregnancy and childbirth. As a result I have a mixture of likes and reactions. I'm not effeminate-I just acquired more skills and abilities. I still can't fit comfortably in with a group of women. Still can't identify with them on a deep emotional level though I can understand their lives and struggles and viewpoints. That's why I know I am not a woman. Beyond all the proof in past behaviors or wanting to be the man in every book or movie it comes down to the fact that no matter how many shared preferences or experiences, how much empathy I have I can't identify with women. I can only speak to what defines this for me but I hope it helps.

[Guest Mori]

There are so many questions there that I think face most of us at some point. I even still have moments when I doubt myself despite becoming more aware of the ways I always have been male and managed to live parts of my life as male. I locked that need to feel male to myself away in a box labeled "Do Not Examine or Question Ever!" for my entire adult life..

First of course is that old you really need to work this through with a gender therapist because each of us is so different, because if you happen to be androgynous or even the rare bi-gendered you may also need help coming to terms with it or with all the conflicts of being one gender raised in another if you are transsexual.

See I know I should see a gender thereapist...but my problem is the area I live in and the lack of funds I have access to. I can't find one close enough or an online one cheap enough for me right now. I am working on finding a job so I can more likely find one...but for now I'm sort of stuck ^^;

[JJ]

I can understand that perfectly. One thing being trans teaches us all is patience. Not a virtue I ever wanted to learn I admit. Till you can see the therapist I hope you find some things here that will help.

John