Step Two

[Guest Orva26]

So today I went ahead and made an appointment with a GT. It isn't for 18 days. I would have made it sooner but I wanted to insure that I would actually have money when I go and see her. Doing this was not easy it literally took me from around 2pm to close to 4pm to work up the nerve to call her and as I told her the driving force behind that was thinking, "What do I gain from not talking to a GT? I get to go to work for another freaking week and hope this goes away?" It sort of is a big deal for me to do this, because even though it was never outright said my upbringing basically implied to me that seeking therapy is kind of an ultimate failing. Actually during my stupidly early attempt to bring this up with my father he basically told me he'd be hurt if I sought a therapist to help with this matter. But I'm guessing this type of apprehension on my part is natural.

Anyway I'm glad I did it and I hope the piece of mind I acquired from doing so and from the rest of today in general stays around. I've been dreaming about HRT and not stressing so much over why. I feel a tad upbeat and can function better almost as if I got a little bit of myself back.

This is a different therapist than the first one I called. Although I think she is good too the first one just doesn't seem ready for more clients, i.e. she doesn't really respond to things like email or voice messages, whereas the second one responded to the email I sent her last night this morning. She seems really good with a knowledge set that encompasses psychology, neurology, and biology and she considers gender variance to be a result of those three aspects of an individual. I am thinking she runs things with a kind of psychoanalytical approach as she asked me questions about my relationship to my parents and such.

She also said something that helped me out. She inquired as to my age because the TS group I mentioned in my email to her usually attracts people of a particular age bracket. When I told her I was 23 she explained all of that and then that there are periods in human life where neurological changes drive hormonal ones. Usually that shift is observed more in midlife but in recent years these hormonal paradigm shifts have been observed earlier. She mentioned something about parts of the brain ceasing to function as other parts become fully developed.

Not sure if I am getting this 100% right but it seems to make sense as to why this is sort of a big, "ah-ha!" moment for me. Obviously during puberty, biochemically parts of my brain that were like, "HELL YEAH TESTOSTERONE!" where really active and kind of in charge. But now that puberty is pretty much done with they have shut down/receded and what is active are other parts that are thinking with less male hormonal influence. Basically, I've been fetish/sexually expressing things because my brain was wired in a way where that was how it knew to express them. I'm not certain of it and I'm not going to dwell on it but, dang! It seems like one of my early inclinations that all the self-gratification and sexualize/fetishization was a coping mechanism could be right.

I think I might be able to relax a bit.

-Orva

[Carolyn Marie]

Congrats on the appointment, Orva. You'll see that your fears and anxieties were misplaced, and everything will work out OK.

The G.T. sounds very experienced and competent, and hopefully you two will hit it off.

Be sure and write down any questions that you have for her, and perhaps an outline of things you want to cover, but let her lead the way.

She's been there before, while you haven't.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KellyKat]

It's gonna be interesting to see who can better analyse whom.

You or your GT. I'm already waiting for the posts!!! lol

That's great that you found one! Me... still looking.

Luv Kat

[Guest PhoebeJoan]

thats funny because I just had a chat to my GT as well, and my appointment is also in 18 days

I find its getting easier to come out to strangers(well, people experienced with GID anyway). I was the same a few months ago, it would often take me 2 hours to pick up the phone. So much wasted time!

I actually have gone through an endocrinologist who specialises in transgender management, and he has an excellent knowledge and experience on the subject. I asked him questions on everything I knew in regards to HRT, and he had familiar answers, which was very pleasing. I'll get my blood test results back next week, but apparently im in excellent health.

Pre-HRT, I feel quite miserable if im sitting idle and not progressing towards my transition in some way. A sense of momentum does help me relax a little more.

Orva, I can so totally relate to your last 2 paragraphs. I have just turned 22 myself, and that makes a lot of sense to me, looking back. Good luck with your GT, keep us updated

Hugs

Ruby