First Appointment

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

(Okay, just completely lost my post due to trying to install the spell check. Still not installed. Rather open another tab. -.- )

So for those that don't know, I'm 17, FtM. My mom finally found a list of GTs in my area, and we picked one out that wasn't oo old or too young. She even got her doctorate from one of the colleges I'm considering, so I really hope it goes well! Mom's gonna' call tomorrow to set up the first appointment. I'm kinda' nervous, but also excited! Especially since my mom finally seems to be getting 'further on board' with the idea, so to speak. My dad knows, too, though he and I haven't talked about it. Apparently, he really wants me to see a TG, so I guess he's sort of okay with it. Awesome~!

Just wanted to share the excitement!

[Carolyn Marie]

That's really great news, Stephen. You are so lucky to have supportive parents.

Since you're new here, you might want to look through the Therapy and Therapists sub-forum to get some ideas of what to expect, what

questions you might want to ask, etc. If you don't find the answers you need, just post your questions.

I wish you all the luck in the world that you find a good one.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest seanjamie]

Wow thats awesome

let us know how it goes

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

Okay, so that particular therapist isn't taking any more clients for therapy at the moment. However, my mom already found another - A guy - and the appointment is set for next Monday! I've looked over both the therapy and transexual forums as suggested, and I've got my notebook, pencil, and list of questions ready! He's just a general therapist, as my mom isn't keen on an actual Gender Therapist yet ( I had found one near to us who specialised in LGBT issues, anxiety/fear, AND accepted our insurence, but mom said no because of the LGBT aspect...) but it's good for now. Apparently, while on the phone, he asked my mom what sorts of problems we're dealing with. She answered in a super-general 'there's a lot of different things going on at the moment', so it'll be totally up to me to bring up what -my- main issue is. Also, I've been given the option of whether I want my mom in the room WITH me on the first day, or if he'll talk to my mom, then me, then the three of us. Any opinions on this? I'll go with what I'm comfortable with, of course, but I'd like opinions anyway

On a side note, I made my first packer yesterday and wore it around the house a bit. I've discovered that it completely overrides my chest dysphoria (which is so bad that it's the reason I asked for a therapist in the first place). I've always had a bit of a knack with inventing new things or better versions of stuff, so I'll probably post my progress in the FtM forum when some of the kinks are worked out.

[Guest Avery F]

Hey, great to hear about your packer's effect on your chest dysphoria!

You asked whether we had any recommendations about how you should talk with your therapist - I'd definitely suggest talking alone with him first. That way, you can scope him out, try and figure out whether he's got experience or at least a good grounding in theory regarding trans issues. If at all possible, I'd actually recommend that you try and talk to him one-on-one BEFORE your mother does so; that way there's less chance she'll convince him that your GID is all some crazy phase or a bad body image or whatever.

Lastly, if the therapist doesn't seem to have a good grasp on trans issues, or if the two of you just don't get on, please, don't hesitate to terminate your visits! I know how much damage going to a bad therapist can do, and trust me, it's not something you want to risk happening to you. Bad as your GID might be, if the therapist is not satisfactory, just get out and wait a while until you find another one. If your mother makes you go to this therapist even if you don't like him, remember that you don't have to talk to him; if necessary, you can just sit there and say nothing for the whole visit, and eventually your mother will stop spending money in order for you basically to do nothing for an hour or whatever.

Sorry if I seem to have overreacted on the therapist thing; it's a subject on which I have very strong opinions. Anyway, I hope your visit on Monday goes well!

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

You asked whether we had any recommendations about how you should talk with your therapist - I'd definitely suggest talking alone with him first. That way, you can scope him out, try and figure out whether he's got experience or at least a good grounding in theory regarding trans issues. If at all possible, I'd actually recommend that you try and talk to him one-on-one BEFORE your mother does so; that way there's less chance she'll convince him that your GID is all some crazy phase or a bad body image or whatever.

That's what I was thinking, really. Also, my mom is all for switching therapists if I want to - she keeps saying "Remember, if you don't like this one, we can always try another!" So, I think I'm good there. I'm gonna' be blunt about being Transgender, and that I wanted therapy to help start off my transition, and to help my dysphoria. My mom's mainly concerned that I've been showing signs of depression/not hanging out with friends much/etc. In other words, broad concerns. Depending on his reaction to me being Trans, I'll follow up with stuff like 'How much do you know on this subject', and 'would you be willing to learn and help me with my goal', stuff like that.

I just hope I can convince him that I'm a mature teen, because really, I am. I've never thought like a normal teenager. I look at things from as many angles as possible, and all that...it seems like half of the adults I know see me as a mature young adult, the other half think I'm just a smart kid. I hope he's part of the former.

Thanks for your input!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

That's what I was thinking, really. Also, my mom is all for switching therapists if I want to - she keeps saying "Remember, if you don't like this one, we can always try another!" So, I think I'm good there. I'm gonna' be blunt about being Transgender, and that I wanted therapy to help start off my transition, and to help my dysphoria. My mom's mainly concerned that I've been showing signs of depression/not hanging out with friends much/etc. In other words, broad concerns. Depending on his reaction to me being Trans, I'll follow up with stuff like 'How much do you know on this subject', and 'would you be willing to learn and help me with my goal', stuff like that.

I just hope I can convince him that I'm a mature teen, because really, I am. I've never thought like a normal teenager. I look at things from as many angles as possible, and all that...it seems like half of the adults I know see me as a mature young adult, the other half think I'm just a smart kid. I hope he's part of the former.

Thanks for your input!

You are more than a smart kid, you are well aware of your world and how to manage it - it's something many old, mature, all-knowing 'adults' cannot do... so don't sell yourself short.

I like the way you have worked this out and how your mom seems to be concerned for you! GREAT report, and PLEASE keep us updated!

izzy

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

Thanks, that means a lot. I'll be sure to update here

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

Okay, just got back from my appointment; it had been moved from Monday to Tuesday because my brother has Tae Kwon Do on Mondays and couldn't miss it. That was totally okay with me.

So, I was a little uneasy when we got into the building, but I just accounted it to being nervous. First thing I noticed was the guy's office was set up like someone's living room. I wasn't expecting that, but when I think about it, it kind of makes sense. Probably something to do with making your patient comfortable and whatnot. However...not to be rude or stereotypical in any way, but it looked and smelled like any of my great-grandparents' places. It was really uncomfortable for a teenager like me.

So, instead of talking to him by myself first, me and mom went in together. Good choice, really. Right after he took names, address, etc., I told him that my reason for being there was because I'm trans. He became very...'at a loss for words' after that; he stumbled over his wording a lot, though he did say that he had some experience, because he had worked at some women's prison, and that type of thing wasn't uncommon o.0

After that, he took my side. Straight away, even though he noticed - and mentioned - how uncomfortable my mom is about it. I really don't care if I was 'getting my way' at the point, it was totally unprofessional, in my opinion.

So, we talked, and he mentioned several times how impressed he was with how much thought I had put into this. It was getting to the end of the session, when my mom asked if he had any ideas to help me when I'm hit with dysphoria (with different wording). He said, he would have some next time. Meaning he had to go look some up. Surely any therapist would have some idea of what their patient could do to keep them from hurting themselves. Ugh. Basically he said to focus on something else, like schoolwork (of course, why didn't I think of that? *end sarcasm*). Then, though, he said that I had to....hm, can't remember the wording...basically, I had to remember and understand that this problem [in reference to GID] isn't my most immediate problem, that I need to essentially put it to the back of my mind and focus on the more here-and-now problems, like school. Are. You. KIDDING?! How is this not a here-and-now problem? I didn't say that, though.

Eventually, my mom laughs and says that we've always had a problem with me being bored. Which is totally true, and I laughed, too. I'm what you would call a "Gifted Learner" - determined by a few tests done through the school that said I learned at a faster rate than other students, basically. With 'gifted' people, boredom is inevitable - obviously, when you learn most things quickly, you'll want to continue learning different things, to keep you stimulated. And for no other reason than to be learning something. Well...he took the boredom comment, and said it's a very common sign....of ADD.

Now, I don't believe in any stereotypes of ADD/ADHD. Nor do I know a whole lot about it. But once he said it, I was mad. I know I don't have ADD. He started talking about how he has ADD, and this is the medication that he takes for it, and how it helps so much.....I have OCD. Not ADD. It was the most animated he'd been since entering the room. He literally, in many, many more words, told me that I have ADD. After saying that therapists aren't supposed to push their ideas onto you. Pfft.

Needless to say, we're not going back. Mom said it'll probably take her a while to find another therapist, but I recommended one and she said she'll look into it. I also suggested that she find one with a picture in their profile, because if I had seen a picture of this guy, I wouldn't have went.

So, there's my update. Sorry it's so long! ^-^;

[Guest Elizabeth K]

DANG

At least your mom picked up early he was a dud! I wish you could find a qualified GENDER DYSPHORIA therapist, sigh - it would save all sortsa time - AND - money!

Anyway - you are on your journey.

Lizzy

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

Yeah, a qualified GT would be best, but my mom is still struggling with accepting this, and doesn't want me to go to one. I've tried to convince her, but she won't budge. I'm hoping to find a good therapist that will recommend me to one. Maybe then my mom will start accepting it a bit more.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yeah, a qualified GT would be best, but my mom is still struggling with accepting this, and doesn't want me to go to one. I've tried to convince her, but she won't budge. I'm hoping to find a good therapist that will recommend me to one. Maybe then my mom will start accepting it a bit more.

Sounds like a good plan!

Keep us updated.

Lizzy

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

Okay, well, we're having a bit of a problem locating a new therapist. The one I recommended to my mom doesn't take our insurance, so he's out. After the first...erm, 'fiasco', my mom said that she's "not too sure how to find another one". I've looked at the few most well-known lists of GT's and whatnot, but we're not even close to any of those cities!

Would anyone happen to know any therapists - Gender or otherwise - roughly in the tri-state area? Or a reliable website that we can use to find one? We're both kind of at a loss, here. I was planning on meeting with my school psychologist, but not until a few appointments with another therapist! That's gonna' be my next step, but it's still a little ways off

[Guest Stephen-Renae]

So we still haven't found a therapist. I'm trying not to get too impatient, but I have suggested a few things to my mom - and she doesn't want to try them. I know doctors have way more connections than their patients do, so I said, "why don't we ask our family doctor?" he could recommend me to a good general therapist, then they might recommened a GT. She doesn't want our family doctor knowing about it.

So, I talked to the school nurse. She was totally understanding and all, and she said she'd do some research to see if she could find a therapist (she's looking for a Gender Therapist first, a good general therapist if she can't find a GT) and get back to me on Friday. Depending on if she finds anyone, we'll consult together, then she'll talk to my mom alone about seeing them. It was a fairly good day.