Ex-wife And Kids In Sobriety

[Guest bobbi/robin_p]

Ok i can say is three years ago all i had for the x wife is contempt and anger. Oh yeah and her lawyer too. I was lucky i got divorce in the first six months of recovery. in was painful but AA got me through it. I was not graceful at all.

It is said that one inconsiderate remark will raise the very devil and it take many of us a while to get over that character defect of sensitivity to one's X.

(Big Book Chapter Nine the family afterwards)

It took 2 years for the hate to go away and many 4th and 5th steps with my sponsor. to get to the truth why I was upset at her.

"your just jealous because you want to be me"

that comment was the end of the 14 year relationship. I tried to deny it and fight it for two years in sobriety. It was the truth.

I learned about my jealousy and how it turned into contempt for another. I learned how fear kept me from living a life that i would dream of but never take the risk of living it. I was jealous when i saw other's living it.

So with help of a sponsor being brutally honest with me and letting me see my true self in all my faults. Gain me self acceptance and a new peace.

by doing service i learned how to be helpful to other's than my x-wife. I started praying for her too the first prayer was "GOD, Please Bless that B..."

it work try it.

Arm with the true facts about me i can begin to live my life. Now i know i get jealous, instead of sitting on the fence brooding, sulking and putting other's down. I get off my butt and go to that person and say

"Hi my name is bobbi/robin how are you today i love that your doing that or this.

How I'm i doing with the people i hurt the most while drinking? My Family >>>>>>>>

From my sister: " Mom called and she never seen you this happy before even when you were a child"

From my youngest son : " Dad how come your being nice to our mom today" I did answer badly. " i forgot to be mean to her"

I get those comment from the things i learn in AA and practice. I get to live the life i had no intention on living TODAY. There used to be no greater love than alcohol for 35 years of my life. I found something.

[Guest matthew41]

From my sister: " Mom called and she never seen you this happy before even when you were a child"

From my youngest son : " Dad how come your being nice to our mom today" I did answer badly. " i forgot to be mean to her"

I get those comment from the things i learn in AA and practice. I get to live the life i had no intention on living TODAY. There used to be no greater love than alcohol for 35 years of my life. I found something.

Hi,

Thats awesome that your sister and mom recognize that you are much happier now. I am vary happy that you have found so much inspiration from AA as well. Thank you for sharing your story.

Matt

[Guest bobbi/robin_p]

Finally i crash like i do and slept for like 14 hours. The last few month has been a whirl wind of emotion and other stuff. The drama at work came to a head. I learned that when it is 100 degrees and your on hormones i need to drink water constantly. I didn't and almost pass out coming home from work.

The mothe of my children took the kids to football practice which she has been doing lately. This is the first time she has participated in foot ball practice. The last three years we fought over this and i finaly gave up. Now she helps out. GO figure.

Pick up My three son's on Saturday afternoon for a play date at my good friend's house and her son. (she has the same shoe size as me ) I told there mother we would be back by nine that night. We were late.

She had the nerve to say to me when we walked in the door. "why didn't you called to let us know your going to be late". My mouth drop and i wanted to say your never here, you never answer your phone when your out with boyfriend number two and usually i have to wait because your inconsiderate and late getting home all the time

What came out my mouth was nothing. I understood she was trying to impress someone. The shock, anger and indignation only lasted like for five seconds.

Labor day weekend i have my kid's. She is going on a road trip to Virginia with Boyfriend number two. I am waiting for November to see if she tries to get out of town. Back in July she barter that day for the 4th of July weekend.

If she ask for that day I'm going to have fun telling her no we had a contract. Remember groveling for it.

I'm not well but getting better The screen door has not slam in my face. Have not been called A-hole in a while or her favorite get the F.. out of my house.

All and all I'm not cringing inside when i'm around her. They have made no comments about how i have been dressing or behaving. I don't feel the need to let them know that i am on hormones.

My kids still call...

[Guest bobbi/robin_p]

Having a x-wife, kids and being an alcoholic trans woman who is coming out can be hard. It is full of drama too.

I had a fit of self righteousness a few week back and the cops were called by the X on false charges. I didn't get arrested They politely ask me to leave. Thank GOD i was scared for a few minutes. I realize that as long as i continue to transition we will have conflicts. I can make all the conflict between me and her go away if i start dressing and acting normal. (she said so) .. not going to happen. So i have to try to stay out of her way and be helpful.

It is hard. I have feeling and they get easily bruised.

My eldest is having a hard time in school and it is hard to parent him when i am a part time parent. All i can do is try and do as much as i can in the limited amount of time i have him. It blows he is at the age where kids get lost. ( i remember ). That is the hard part dealing with the parental guilt.

There is no working with the X-wife on this one it is all my fault and what i have to say about the matter is not valid.

My friend she just bought a BMW and i said to her "aren't you a lucky girl to get a Benz" she Replied "aren't you lucky to get to be a girl" ...

She is right Thank GOD for friends. I get to live a life i only dreamed of. I have these problems that i worry over that i can't fix or change. I'm not drinking over them or trying to run from them. I do have to watch out for that resentment and hate when it comes up because she is not doing something that i think will be helpful. I have to remember every morning to say "GOD please bless my X-wife, kids and thank you for this life i have. Please direct me because i have no clue what i'm doing.....amen

[Guest Robin/bobbi]

My Sponsor told me that Kid's don't know the difference between a Bar and a AA meeting. They just know that your not there!

I wanted to go to an AA meeting after my son's Baseball Practice. I was feeling tired and dirty I wanted to check in with my home group. I have only shown up a couple of times it seems in the last several months and i feel guilty about that.

My Middle son: Why do we have to go? Why can't we be with you at your house?

There in front of me still complaining and fighting .. I was able to take a shower and wash a load of clothes. Sat on the porch with my eldest and talked. Cook some noodles.

Not stress from dragging them to a meeting. I did call a Sponsee and told him to get to a meeting

Actually, i feel great with wet hair and all.....

Willingness to listen and to do for others.. despite one's own feeling.. brings an unique experience.. once you get over yourself giggles

[Guest Robin/bobbi]

I have not posted in awhile.

Life got overwhelming.. I finally had a large sum of money since my divorce in 2003 and it was all Mines. Legal Name change in court. Getting Hair Extension and learning how to deal with hair every morning (u should see all the products on my sink). Started Electrolysis. Trying to be me and stay out of trannier than thou mode. My mind became obsess with having Orchi surgery by December. Plus running around doing service work in AA.. Convention registrar and Area treasurer. Had a resentment with work for giving what i thought was my award away to the other guy. Oh yeah the realization that people are treating me like A Woman! Changing name at work. Getting new work badge and Health Insurance Cards.

Giggles that was all what i was into. The EX and Kids........

OMG let see..

10 yr old is an emotional wreck he started puberty early. His emotions are to the extremes and it scares me. My 13 yr old is defiant and out spoken. He is failing school because he wont turn in his work. I'm having trouble remembering the Baby's real name because i have been calling him "The Baby" for the last seven years. I have talk to them about me being a girl so that has been a plus. They do try to stand up for me in front of there mother when she is bashing me verbally.

Ahhh the Mother of my children...

She was planning on moving down to Virginia with my Three Son's. (Insert all the emotions here< >) To be with Boyfriend Number Two. My kid's being Bi-racial became an Issue with her. so she lied to them and said they were Hispanic. That cause a lot of problem and it still hurts so im gonna to skip that for now. Drama drama drama.And then something happen that really hurt me we got in a verbal fight and instead of just crying and let her make fun of me i got mad. I went to anger. That screwed me up on two fronts. One Alcoholically and Two the Transition front, Girl's don't go to anger.

The thought of a drink entered my mind and that scared me. I knew a drink would make all that stuff and emotions go away. I called my sponsor Immediately after i took a nap. My dear friend just told me like two days ago that my mind has snuck back in and i needed to do a fourth. I did a fourth within two days and shared with my sponsor on the third day. The fifth steps. When i started writing i saw my mistakes immediately. Selfishness, hoarding money, prestige seeking and trying to make her do stuff to make my life comfortable. Forcing Transitioning. Taking my will back that i gave up in Step Three. Not asking for direction and guidance. Thinking that i know what is best. As if...My thinking got me a seat in the Halls of AA. I was able to tell my sponsor that i did not want my kids to go Virginia or her (arrrggh what's up between me and her???)

She just told me last weekend that she broke up with him. She is not going to Virginia. She also said that the house that she is in is too small for her and the kids. (I kill Me....I offer her 1000 to help her move ) I was P/O she could of told me before i sat down with my sponsor. Funny how GOD works when you get out of the Way. I'm going to cry the next time i get in a confrontation too... that anger thing hurt too much.

IDK I guess it been a good thing with all this stuff because me being Trans and Transitioning never was a big issue with them.

Oh yeah i started hanging out in Women's Meeting. I'm practicing being quiet. I leave my title and all what i think i know outside the door. It is so awesome to hang out with like 15 women in a cirlcle for an hour on a saturday morning. The quote that has me giggling all week is "SO What..We are on Women's Time"

So that what been going on with me. Thank you Higher Power for keeping me sober and letting me feel..........

[Guest raydub]

Thank you for sharing. Im sure I needed to hear (read) that.

Got a little hope shot.

ty

Ray

[Guest Robin/bobbi]

This is my week to have the Kid's. The X is off on one of her excursions. I'm Grouchy right now and would like to bite one of there heads off. Giggles i have only had them since last friday. So, Seven day's woot woot.

We started the vacation off in an car accident. That was interesting i called my sponsor as soon as i had my three son's sitting on the curb. Later on someone in the program calm me down because i was Giddy, close to hysterical thinking. Thank GOD for having someone to call when something unexpected happens in my life. I come undone. When im causing drama i think i can handle it. But, an accident is all together another beast that put's sobriety in peril.

I still have to say that being a part time parent is awesome. Come Sunday the 7th they will be getting dropped off.

I been getting a lot of comment from the women in the program that just make me smile.

Oh yeah what happen with the accident. The Drama giggles

We have not been going to church because of me being uptight and not willing to give them a chance to accept me. My eldset son had to go to summer school. His summer school teacher is my sunday school teacher. Go figure, i took it as a sign and we went to sunday school. The accident occur like five minutes after leaving the church. The guy ran the red light and slammed into the rear of the car. We were Blessed!!!

So still sitting here grouchy waiting for the fireworks to start and then bed time i hope.