Missing Out

[Guest Micha]

I went on a ride with a guy I work with, just to get out of the building and "stuff" when it occurred to me - would guys like him and about any other guy I've hung out with be into me if I wasn't a guy? I mean, how many of my friends would have gone out with, loved or just had sex with me if it wasn't for my physical sex and the homosexual aspects involved? If I had been born female, I'd have made a Gosh darned good girlfriend to any of the guys I hung out with.

And then the question rises in my mind, have I always wanted that? Is that why I spent time with them? Why I tried to conform to their expectations, just to be near them?

I can't really decide, to be honest. I've never felt the same attraction to guys as I have to women, but I've always felt something missing with the guys I spent time with. Like, I wanted something from them, and maybe if only they had made a move, I'd have opened myself to them like nothing. It's unnerving to me now, because I regret never having tried, never having known what it's like to be loved by a man, and I'll likely never know.

The married part of me hates this, but there is a part of me that wants someone like this to seduce me, to have one of these guys just love me. It's a hollow in my soul, and it makes itself felt, regardless of reason or desire.

Just somethin' come up, thought I'd share.

[Guest]

Hello Micha,

It is a richness of the mind to imagine what isn't real, or to imagine what will never be! It isn't wrong to have those thoughts, or to feel a pang of regret for your choices. But, just don't stress too much. We all have to make choices that affect our lives and wonder what might have been otherwise. There is only one direction for us all: Forward. What do you think you'll do next?

Love, Kat

[Guest SidESlicker]

Try talking to your wife?

Maybe you could try opening up your marriage?

[Guest Micha]

Try talking to your wife?

Maybe you could try opening up your marriage?

Not sure how you mean.

At the very least I know I should talk to her about things like her taking charge and initiating and stuff. I just can't seem to bring it up.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Maybe you could try opening up your marriage?

Not sure how you mean.

Honey, most consider an "Open Marriage" as both partners are free to pursue other sexual interests while remaining married to each other without repercussions......

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I donno. You are married and there is an obligation to be monogamous. That's part of the partnership you two have. It would depend on how your marriage is functioning right now on how far you take this.

We gender dysphoric live such dual lives. Our feelings are so non-gender specific and even sometimes gender -reversed. I am not that familiar with the androgyne mindset, but my friend Mia explained she feels like a man, or she feels like a woman. The mix- gender times are felt in that brief time she is transitioning back and forth (in a mental sense, different from a physical transitioning, of course). But usually sshe is one or the other. So it may be even more complicated for androgyne than for say an MTF transsexual who only can go one way.

So yes, you want to have a man's love. Later, so yes, you want to have a woman's love. It is that duality.

Explain to your wife, ONLY if you feel she will receive that information favorably. I would make certain to say you have feelings, but it's as a woman would have feelings for a man's love (if that is true). She will want to know if you ever want to act on it - if you ever wish to be a woman in a man's power and sexual dominance. Do you even know how to answer that?

You can still be dual but make a choice of one partner. That can mean you sacrifice the other half of your sexuality, but... well... you retain a relationship, with one partner of your choice... and it is a stability that usually has a better chance of keeping you happy.

Just my take on this. And there is nothing wrong with being dual, as long as you understand where you need to go with it.

Lizzy

[Guest SidESlicker]

Lols, yeah that's what I meant Donna, thanks

Maybe explore the possibility of a threesome dating situation with your wife?

Marriage =/= monogamy.

[Guest stranger]

I seem to have crushes on guys these days myself. Nerdboys always do it for me.

I've been married to a woman for going on nine years...

And the physical part of the relationship isn't necessarily going to be really fantabulous for me, ever, I don't think.

But the emotional part and the mental part is good enough that I'm more than willing to live with that...

...But I'm quite sure it would NOT be a good thing for me to try and "open up" my marriage.

Uh-uh, no way, no how am I opening that can of worms.

My wife would be devastated if I so much as asked for that, much less acted on it.

You know your wife, Micha...and your mutual level of commitment.

[Guest stranger]

Hmm, hit post and then had a thought:

Do you think you could get your wife to dress in king drag and seduce you???

Just for kicks.

It might be kinda wild...

[Guest Micha]

I donno. You are married and there is an obligation to be monogamous. That's part of the partnership you two have. It would depend on how your marriage is functioning right now on how far you take this.

We gender dysphoric live such dual lives. Our feelings are so non-gender specific and even sometimes gender -reversed. I am not that familiar with the androgyne mindset, but my friend Mia explained she feels like a man, or she feels like a woman. The mix- gender times are felt in that brief time she is transitioning back and forth (in a mental sense, different from a physical transitioning, of course). But usually sshe is one or the other. So it may be even more complicated for androgyne than for say an MTF transsexual who only can go one way.

So yes, you want to have a man's love. Later, so yes, you want to have a woman's love. It is that duality.

Explain to your wife, ONLY if you feel she will receive that information favorably. I would make certain to say you have feelings, but it's as a woman would have feelings for a man's love (if that is true). She will want to know if you ever want to act on it - if you ever wish to be a woman in a man's power and sexual dominance. Do you even know how to answer that?

You can still be dual but make a choice of one partner. That can mean you sacrifice the other half of your sexuality, but... well... you retain a relationship, with one partner of your choice... and it is a stability that usually has a better chance of keeping you happy.

Just my take on this. And there is nothing wrong with being dual, as long as you understand where you need to go with it.

Lizzy

I don't feel like a man or a woman; and when I describe myself as masculine or feminine, and what makes me so, I feel like I'm using someone else's standards. It also seems like there's a huge contradiction in my psyche, where I feel gender roles and specific attributes are faulty and irrelevant, and then there's times I feel I need there to be those differences.

Like there are characteristics I have and value, because they make me feel feminine. Then I feel like a hypocrite, but I don't know how to remove the gender from the characteristic. I dunno, I'm thinkin this sounds quite insane now.

As far as my marriage and my relationship with Z, it's more important to me than anything else, so I know where to go with that. I do feel I can talk to her about our roles, we can meet each others needs and such.

Lols, yeah that's what I meant Donna, thanks

Maybe explore the possibility of a threesome dating situation with your wife?

Marriage =/= monogamy.

I thought that might be what you meant.

Not gonna happen though. I'm hers, she won't share, and I'm fine with that; the feeling is mutual too. I'd be too uncomfortable anyways.

See, I am having these feelings and occurrences that make me long for the experience, but it's not enough for me to give up or risk what I have with Z. She's not just my wife, marriage itself is not what's the most important thing. She's my best friend, and I love her, that's more important than legal status, rings, certificates or even sex.

I guess the biggest thing I'm dealing with is regret. What I didn't do before, when I may have had the opportunity. Seems kinda pointless to even bring it up I guess, but it's an aspect of my experience, so there it is.

Hmm, hit post and then had a thought:

Do you think you could get your wife to dress in king drag and seduce you???

Just for kicks.

It might be kinda wild...

Does sound fun.

I've been trying to let her know how much I need her to be in control. So far so good, so I guess in time we'll find our balance.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

I'm not really sexually attracted to men, but sometimes I long for a romantic relationship with one. I've had short crushes on most of my male friends, and I wasn't afraid to let them know it. None of them were ever interested in me that way though...

I first noticed it when my roommate was arguing with his girlfriend on the phone. I thought "I'd be such a better girlfriend" which really shocked me at the time.

I also kind of feel like I "missed out" on being a little girl. I don't think things would have been much different. It's just... something I long for but know will never happen short of some miracle of technology or some kind of afterlife.

[Guest Micha]

I'm not really sexually attracted to men, but sometimes I long for a romantic relationship with one. I've had short crushes on most of my male friends, and I wasn't afraid to let them know it. None of them were ever interested in me that way though...

Exactly! I've never really been physically aroused by men, but I have longed for the closeness, the security, or something like that. I've wanted the romantic aspects of it, but not from the initiating side. I can't say I've ever been aroused by the thought of men, but there's is this desire to be held, to be taken, to be loved, like total surrender and submission. Though lately I've caught myself looking at other guys asses, something I'd never thought I'd do.

I first noticed it when my roommate was arguing with his girlfriend on the phone. I thought "I'd be such a better girlfriend" which really shocked me at the time.

Yah, I think that's kinda like what I'm lookin at. I mean, these guys I hung out with, none of them had girlfriends, or if they did, it was all male bovine crap. Like two stoners who couldn't stand each other sober. And I was like, the one who could appreciate them without drugs, who enjoyed being with them anytime, cuz they really were somethin special to me. Like if I was a girl, they'd be totally into me, and I wouldn't be using them just to get pot. I'd actually care about them.

Lookin at it now, I really feel sorry for them too. I mean, I have my regrets, but they missed out on so much more. They didn't get to have me.

I also kind of feel like I "missed out" on being a little girl. I don't think things would have been much different. It's just... something I long for but know will never happen short of some miracle of technology or some kind of afterlife.

It would have been different for me. I could have been more honest, with myself, my family, my friends. I could have more readily been myself. Certainly I would have been labeled something of a tomboy, but not as strongly as I'm labeled now, as a feminine guy. I think I would have been more comfortable being a girl with some "rougher" tendencies and some attitude than being a sensitive, weak, insufficient guy. I mean, I always felt I should have been a girl, but not strongly enough to change the way I am now. It's like, I've always felt like a girl, but I'm used to this body to some extent, I like the way I can feel, the way I can make my lover feel, and I wouldn't give that up. At least, not what I can do for her. I am jealous of her though, cuz she seems to get a lot more out of it, but I dunno, she's done some things to me that I didn't think I could do. I dunno, I hate my body, but not all of it, not everything male about it. I guess that's why I feel somewhere non binary.

I'm like the grandfather on Moonstruck. "What's wrong papa?" "I'm so confused. . ."