Blending In…

[Guest Zenda]

I’ve been thinking about what we as individuals believe to be the most important aspects of blending in to society as our preferred gender…And I’ve come up with what I personally feel is the three most important --- 1 to 3 in that order…

1] Physical Appearance-First impressions count….

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2] Mannerism-Actions speak louder than words…

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3] Voice-Sweet music to ones ears…

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1] For most people it’s our eyes that first recognise/identify a person’s gender…

2] This also goes for how a person behaves…How we walk, move and sit…

3] So long has one doesn’t have a over bearing deep male[or for the trans male - soft high pitched squeaky female] voice, 1 & 2 will always compensate the somewhat deeper/higher than usual ‘female/male’ voice…

Most people like conformity and are willing to stretch their acceptance level somewhat to accommodate a little defect in others….

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One thing I have noticed with North American trans-women for some reason certain North American accents are for the most part somewhat neutral and it seems with little effort these trans women can slip into a female sounding voice a lot easier than trans women from most other countries – [apart from Asia that is]…

Fortunately for some of us our voices are naturally in the neutral/androgynous mode… Both my counsellor and psychiatrist in their assessment reports, described my voice as a ‘mid’ range female… I still have a soft ‘cockney’ accent which helps a lot…

I found when going 24/7 my voice automatically fell into female mode-The more I interacted in society the more my voice adapted to how others perceived me and with no conscious effort on my part…

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I realise not all trans-people are going to reach society’s G.I.R.L [gender identity recognition level], but in order for one to blend in what do you feel are the most important aspects?

Metta Jendar

[Guest Keira]

I really just follow my instincts and act naturally, and 95% of the time I'll blend in fine. I think there's a fine balance between trying to pass and going overboard. If we're examining our every action and constantly worrying about how to act, then we'll probably look nervous and unnatural. And I think it's important to avoid unrealistic gender stereotypes... we should just be ourselves!

[Guest CharliTo]

I really just follow my instincts and act naturally, and 95% of the time I'll blend in fine. I think there's a fine balance between trying to pass and going overboard. If we're examining our every action and constantly worrying about how to act, then we'll probably look nervous and unnatural. And I think it's important to avoid unrealistic gender stereotypes... we should just be ourselves!

*high five*

I second that one

[Guest Sergei]

Yes, I'll third that as well. I'm not trying to be male, I just am, therefore nothing I do is put on. I've never thought about the way I walk or talk. I think for most transpeople everything they do should feel natural, if not then you're not really being yourself, and isn't being yourself the whole point of transition in the first place? x

[Guest Zenda]

I really just follow my instincts and act naturally, and 95% of the time I'll blend in fine. I think there's a fine balance between trying to pass and going overboard. If we're examining our every action and constantly worrying about how to act, then we'll probably look nervous and unnatural. And I think it's important to avoid unrealistic gender stereotypes... we should just be ourselves!

Kia Ora Kiera,

It’s true, one of the most important things is to be totally comfortable with who you are, but sadly for some they may never acquire what comes naturally to others ie, androgynous-appearance, correct mannerism, voice and speech pattern. For example, back in the early seventies I remember reading about Charring Cross Hospital in London where they use to conduct ‘female etiquette’ classes for transsexual women …I believe this practice is still being used in the US and some European countries….

It’s a sad fact that no matter how comfortable one is with oneself, if ones ‘appearance’ is somewhat off putting-[even if their voice and mannerism matches their psycho social gender] ,they are destine to have an harder time than most when trying to blend in…

Quite a few years back I was in a coffee shop when I saw what I first thought to be a somewhat attractive looking female sitting at the table near by, however I was shocked to hear her very deep male voice and speech pattern and also to see her very masculine mannerism…Now I should point out she was it seems ‘totally’ comfortable with who she was…

However, when it comes to appearance-mannerism and voice, in order to slot comfortably into society …it seems “You can’t really have one without the others!”

But in saying all that… as long as one’s comfortable with oneself [like the woman in the coffee shop] and tough enough to face society’s gauntlet[should they have to run it] then it doesn’t really matter how one looks, behaves/mannerism or sounds…They may not fully blend in but at least they are being true to themselves…and I guess for some that’s what really counts….

Metta Jendar