Me... A Bit Of A Story About How Rob Came To Be!

[Guest robind]

This is hard to write.. it is helping me in its own way come to terms with how I am feeling at the moment. I am confused, yet, I am feeling more contented that I have been for a very long time. If that makes any sense at all?

Ever since I was little I knew that I was different and growing up in a place like Northern Ireland was difficult enough because of the religious divide never mind how I felt. I was always rough and tumble, a tomboy they called me, and I hated being dressed in girls clothes, preferring trousers and shirts. I even went to school dressed this way in my mother despaired at ever getting me to act and be like the other two daughters she had. I was always at war with her, yet my dad accepted me. He saw something in me that I wasn't even aware of. I felt sad and confused that my own mother didnt seem to like me, didnt seem to understand why I didnt fit in with the rest of her family.. Not happy times..

Of course I grew up with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.. Tried marriage... had a daughter even, trying to make my mother happy. I ignored my own sexuality never mind the turmoil that was inside... well I tried to. My marriage ended, I looked after my daughter on my own, though I had to move back to my parents house which raised tensions and not just about my gender. I felt that I was trapped at my parents place, still having to try to prove myself. Pretending to have boyfriends... dressing how I thought they wanted me to dress and going on dates! I began to hurt myself. Pick at little spots that I found on my shoulders and arms... sometimes I still do this, especially when I think on my past... I havent gone into a lot of detail but I am sure that you can see that I was pretty miserable.

Finally I moved out of there. Found a great person to be with who totally understands me. My daughter is older, nearly sixteen now, and is very open minded and loves me no matter what...

I dont know how far down the rabbit hole I want to go... with the whole transgender thing.. I have yet to talk to a professional about it... but I know what I am.. I think...

If this makes a bit of sense... its jumbled I know... I will, perhaps work on a longer piece.. but its hard for me to write.. sigh..

hugs and stuff

Rob

[MaryEllen]

Hi Rob,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You're not alone. So many of us have similar stories. Counseling with a gender therapist could answer a lot of your questions. That's a good option for you. Keep posting. I'm sure you'll make many friends here.

MaryEllen