Pills

[Guest Lioness]

For many years now I've been a drinker. In that time I've also tried various other drugs. I've smoked cigarettes (disgusting), smoked pot (kinda fun but I'd never be an addict), taken shrooms (interesting), taken LSD (horrible), and taken mescaline (interesting again). Last but not least, I've tried a few pills, nothing more than a very occasional thing, but I have tried vallium, vicodin, adderal, and a variety of sleeping pills, among others.

What separates pills from the other drugs I've tried is that I can't seem to say no, or at least, it's not as easy. I can say no to anything else I've mentioned (even alcohol, my primary vice), but pills are so attractive to me. They also terrify me. Nearly every time I take a pill I will, at some point during the experience, wonder if it is going to kill me. However, this is not enough to stop me from doing it. Usually, I have no access to any of the pills I've found I like (nor do I seek out access), but on the rare occasion I come across one I like or even am just curious about, I'll take it.

Recently I came across a little vicodin by accident, (given to me for free), and the four pills were gone in a week. Having them around was too much of a temptation.

I refuse pills when I go to the doctor's, and as I've said I don't seek them out, but I'm still scared of how impulsively I take them (and worse, mix them with other substances) when I have them at hand.

I don't want to hit rock bottom with pills, because I'm afraid I won't get up.

Has anyone else struggled with pills? I'd love to hear any stories or advice you want to share. I'd really love any stories about the three I've mentioned by name, since those three in particular (vallium, vicodin and adderal) seem to be the most tempting.

Maybe someone here can help me learn how to say no.

[Guest]

Hello Lioness,

Welcome to Laura's Playground!

Quitting drugs is a difficult thing, no matter what they are. I've found myself in the same situation a few times in my life. The thing that I always see is my responsibility for my life: If I keep taking drugs, I'm being irresponsible, with my money, with my health, with my personality. It may be a short-term relief from reality, but a long-term detriment.

I suppose that pills are attractive because they're "safe" - not made in some back-yard lab or worse. But, working in the medical industry, I can tell you that they're not safe! There are risks associated with any of these drugs, The companies making drugs are in it for the profit, not the person who uses the drugs. They'll minimize the risks for the sake of the bottom line - so be careful! But the biggest risk with drugs is that of doing irresponsible things while under their influence - once again, please don't take that risk!

Another thing to ask is, what is wrong with your reality? What causes you to want to escape? Finding a feeling of peace and well-being in reality is a strong deterrant to drugs. Of course, here at Laura's, one of the primary problems is GID or its side effects. So, a good starting point is to seek therapy for that - are you getting help?

Please take care of yourself. Come hang out here at Laura's if you need a place of peace - you'll get through, okay?

Love, Kat

[JJ]

Never did many heavy drugs even in the 60s and 70s. I suspect because I have always been a control freak and never trusted anyone enough to be that vulnerable or myself enough to do them alone.

BIut i have struggled with a problem with pills. I took legal prescriptions for amphetamines for 18 years. I've been off them for decades but then I found ephedra and switched. So maybe it isn't accurate to say I was off them since ephedra is essentially the same thing. Now that ephedra has been outlawed I'm not on anything like speed. But if I was given some? Yes, I 'd be very, very tempted. In my defense I have lupus and the speed allows me to function more normally.

But I have had a bigger problem with plain old ibuprofen. It has muscle relaxant properties and the brain is a muscle. In large quantities it relaxes me and leaves me feeling calm. When I got very upset the compulsion to reach for that bottle was overwhelming. And if it was too much? Well, that was fine with me. It wasn't until I decided to transition that I stopped that behavior. I think the difference is that I now feel as though I have a future that is mine -that a dream I had thought was impossible can happen for me. Not only could I have died from an outright OD but also from toxicity up to 4 days later or liver damage as an even more drawn out and horrific process.

The past week has seen some very difficult and painful things happen in my life. And I didn't pick up that bottle. Even a couple of times forgot take the dose I am supposed to take every day for a physical condition.

Personally I don't know why I am alive except for Divine Providence. And I don't know how I could have fought that compulsion without professional help. I can be iron willed. But I couldn't fight it till the conditions of my life changed.

My advise is if you have a problem with pills you get help. You can never be what you were born to be -or find out what that is-if you misjudge. There are programs out there to help-you can't fight this alone.

Hugs

John

[Michelle 2010]

There is a Sunday night 9pm recovery based chat room here at Laura's. It recently restarted after a period of inactivity. The Mod who led it for four years had to move on with her life and couldn't continue in that capacity, tho she does stop by when she can. Currently, we have 3-4 people per meeting.

Prescription drugs kill more people in Florida every year than all other drugs combined including heroin, crack, and powder cocaine. The jails here are full of people who thought they could "play" and were wrong.

Our meetings are freeflowing, currently unformatted, and nonjudgemental. The underlying values are those found in 12 step recovery which are designed to provide access to a way of life where drugs and alcohol are not only not used, but where life can be enjoyable without them. Please consider stopping by sometime if you think you have a problem or want to learn more about what I described. Access to chat requires a brief interview when you enter the main chat area. You will be approached by a Moderator who will recognize that you are new. The purpose of the interview is to keep predators and admirers out, not to be intrusive or authoritarian. The chat area is real time and subject to different rules than here.

Best Wishes

Michelle

[Guest Lioness]

JJ, thank you for your story. If I find myself in need of a reality check I will keep your struggle in mind.

Michelle, I will do my best to stop by the recovery chat. I'm doing okay right now, but it never hurts to get the support to stick with it, especially when temptation comes knocking.

I am already loving this place