Ftm?

[Guest Spud]

When I was younger I was always a Tomboy. I loved to play rough and get dirty, this hasn't changed much.

Around age 7, I started pretending to "pack" when I was alone in my room.

Throughout puberty I've never had a regular period and I think I may have a natural hormone issue.

But I can always remember wanting to be a boy, wanting to have a penis.

That urge still hasn't gone away, and now, as I'm about to graduate, is just overtaking my mind.

Its all I have been able to think about the past few weeks. Like it has always been in the back of my mind, but now its in the front.

I would love to be able to be a man.

I don't want to be a woman.

I don't remember anything in my past to trigger these thoughts, but nothing needs to I guess.

I'm just afraid to talk to our school psychologist about it.

Its bad enough people picked on me for having a girlfriend, calling me a a small levee and stuff.

I hate that word, I am not a a small levee, because I feel like a man.

Sorry for making this long, I just need someone to talk to who is going through what I have, or went though it.

I am sick of my friends just listening, I need support.

You can just call me Spud for now, as I don't like my female name.

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Hi Spud, It's good to meet you. I hear you. I identify with some of that...the desires and attempts as a child. I got more confused as I got older though because of things that happened in my life but the more I think about it the more I really feel like my feelings as a child were my true feelings and what has kicked in as I got older was confusion and fears rather than the other way around.

I'm sorry people are picking on you. Some people are just jerks but they can sure make life tough. I'm glad you know that there's nothing wrong with you being a guy.

I'm wondering if maybe you could talk to your school psychologist about the bullying of people calling you names and in the process of that sound out a little if she would be likely to be understanding..? You really need a gender therapist but I'm not sure if that would be possible without your parents support as you're still at school.

Do you think your parents would support you in getting a gender therapist?

[Guest Linus Thomas]

Welcome, Spud! You'll likely find FTMs from all sorts of backgrounds. What is a "small levee"? I've never heard of that term.

And by graduating, do you mean high school? If so, are you going to be going to a college after graduation? You may be able to find in-person support there.

Anyways, you will likely find that people here are willing to listen rants and provide advice on how to move forward if you want/need it.

Again, welcome!