Trying To Get Myself Sorted Here...

[Guest Nia]

OK, so a few weeks ago, I faced the fact that I have a feminine side. Often this side of me would emerge in hobbies and sometimes also in creative pursuits. I often considered them separate, but whenever I stepped into the shoes of a female character or wrote about them, I often found myself more engaged and motivated to want great things for that character. This would come up often in role-playing games, but as I started to dress as a women, I found the same motivation to better myself.

As a man I've never cared about things like diet, exercise or even worried too much about clothes, in fact, I've never cared for the social expectations placed upon me. Yet when I'm see myself as a woman, I want better things, I become more meticulous and goal-oriented. Not just regarding appearance, but also life goals.

And I feel a certain satisfaction, confidence, a warmth inside when I think of myself as Nia. I thought I was a crossdresser but I'm starting to think there may be more going on here. I wouldn't say I hate being a man, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fairly apathetic about being one. I'm starting to think I may be leaning MTF.

Even my dreams of late have had me as a woman and I've loved those dreams more than any I've had. Most of the time they're just disjointed nonsense, but when I'm female in the dream things are more memorable and there's that feeling of warmth again.

I may be looking into a therapist regarding this in the months to come, but I guess you could say I'm still trying to sort out my feelings here.

[Guest JaniceW]

Nia,

Welcome, it is great to have you here. If you could take a moment to read the T & C (link at top of page) we would be appreciative.

Your questions are not unusual at all and really mean you could benefit greatly from the guidance of a gender therapist in sorting out what you are feeling.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I may be looking into a therapist regarding this in the months to come, but I guess you could say I'm still trying to sort out my feelings here.

I know this sounds trite, but you already gave the solution. A therapist is your next step - hopefully one trained in gender dysphoria.

What you describe is a way of thinking, that shows you are gender dysphoric to a degree, and you need to work with that therapist to find your comfort level. It's okay, whatever happens. It is thought gender dysphoria may have it's roots in fetal development.

It's important to get this sorted out.

Keep us updated.

Lizzy

[Guest Nia]

It did cross my mind (psych minor) that I have some gender dysphoria going on, I just also have some trust issues with psychologists, therapists and psychiatrists in my area. Let's just say I'm no stranger to having the book thrown at me and being put on the wrong path by so-called professionals, so I suppose it also boils down to the reputation of the therapist rather than their title.

I have seen some resources for therapists posted around here, which I'm grateful to have found, I guess its just a matter of separating the wheat from the chaff. I guess I also just want to wait for a short while to ensure I can articulate what I'm feeling properly, to say nothing of those feelings remaining as strong as they do right now. They've been very strong for the last several weeks and seemed to have only gotten stronger.