Whats Left?

[Flint]

I'm sick of my intrusive thoughts, the crazy inside my head

My mind defies logic, it's just tragic

Worry of the most stupid little things, the worst case scenario

Intruding upon my judgement

Day by day in sync with the darkest clouds

Trapped in this rainy world, because I don't know how to get out

I was born worrying my way to my mothers arms

Now I'm older and still I hold this tension inside

Building up

One day I'm gonna break

The earth beneath will start to shake

As all my bones quiver in my wake

All of this with so much rage

One day, one day I AM GOING TO BREAK

But I'll try and delay

Just one more day

Before I let this insanity out of it's cage

Because I swear to god there's a monster inside me

Ready to hunt and chase

Worried about money

Worried I'll never find a honey

Worried I'll never truly be okay

Worried my smile will always be fake

Worried someone will shatter my masquerade

Too much pressure, too much to take

I can feel the monster inside me

He's starting to wake

WAKE, WAKING NOW.

I wanna run, I wanna scream

But I'm chained down

I'm silent bound

Just need to keep it together

Not let the world collapse underneath

Just take a breath, I need to breathe

God, I'm so tired of this, so tired of this pain that seethes

Writhing and writhing under my skin

My veins are bulging underneath

My hands are reaching out to something

That looks a lot like nothing

My fingers are curling as my blood boils

I can't take this, can't take this heat

Worried about my mother

Worried about all the things I should've done

Worried because there's no nurse around to medicate

Worried I might make one tiny little mistake

Worried I'll make the wrong turn and end up in jail or worse

Just too much pressure to take

I can feel the monster inside me

He's starting to wake

So tired of feeling so on edge

Wish my childhood never had to end

Childhood didn't last long

Maybe a week, maybe even a month

But I soon learnt from harsh reality

I soon cried tears only adults understand the depth to

So many regrets, so many things I want to forget

I know lost dreams, I've met with death

I've felt alive only to be brought back down to earth

And now I ask, I ask what the h**l is left?

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Matt,

<<< hug >>>

A strongly written poem

I cried << tears >> when I read your poem

I am sorry that you are having so much grief in your life

you ask "what the h**l is left?"

All I can tell you is

Do not seek answers, but rather try to understand the question

What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us

vanna

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Very intense poem Matty,

I am so sorry that you are in such a state right now. What is left?..... well the rest of your life Matty.

I am going to share with you a little secret that I hope will help you. I know it is easier said than done and even I fall into this trap sometimes, but try not to worry about things that are not going to happen, or even might happen. Although worry is a natural emotion, it really does not solve anything.

So many times we worry about things that have no real substance. Try to recognize the phantom fears that play tricks with your mind.

As time passes, this ability to differentiate between what truly does need your attention and what worries are just fears that are merely ghosts will become easier.

You do not deserve to live in fear. You deserve to live in happiness.

Love

Brenda

[Flint]

This was written when something really trivial was making me anxious, because I'm a very cautious person. Although many wouldn't believe just how cautious I truly am because people seem to have it in their head I don't give a care about anything! One thing I've never seemed to care much about is whether someone thinks I'm rude or not. That is about the only thing. But everything else, when it comes to privacy (it's worse now. Now I've become some sort of privacy freak. I mean TRULY) I am perhaps OVERLY cautious to the point I'll lose sleep over it.