Bad News

[Guest sarah f]

I just found out yesterday that my insurance denied me for a second time for SRS surgery. I did not take it very well either. I just wanted to curl up and cry. I still do this morning. I knew that there was this possibility but it still hurts all the same. So know I am in limbo as to what my next step is. I have the money I can access to have surgery but can't touch it until my divorce is finalized just in case the judge decides I need to give some of it to my wife. I don't think that will happen because we both have our own retirement savings and should be about the same in each. I would also have to have my wife sign off on getting the money out and I know she wouldn't do that for me. In the meantime do I wait until the divorce is done to set a date or look for other ways to get it done now. I thought about getting a personal loan and pay it off with my retirement money after the divorce. I don't really know what I want to do now. My dad said to wait a few weeks and think about all my options before making a decision. I know that is a good plan but I need to have this done sooner than later. The longer I wait to set a date the longer it will be to get that date. I can't handle it down there anymore and need it gone now.

I will also change back to my original plan of using Dr. Brassard for my surgery instead of Dr. Bowers. I preferred to use him anyway but had to use Bowers if my insurance was going to pay for it. This is just another road block that I will overcome. It is just a matter of time for me know but is really hard to wait. I know how excited I was to start hormones but the surgery is even more important to me than that was.

[Drea]

Unless their policy has changed, Dr Brassard will probably require a notarized affidavit from your wife before surgery if your still legally married. There may be some allowance if divorce is in progress.

Sounds like you have some options. If you know how long the divorce is going to take you can always schedule surgery to be after that. Only a deposit (10% I think) is needed to set a date.

[JJ]

Sarah, Ii am so sorry that you had this disappointment. I know the delay is very hard. I want my transition to have happened yesterday myself but you know that is not the nature of the game. Delays are the order of the day as society catches up with the facts and realities of our situation.

The good news is that it is still there on the horizon and that you are still a young woman with many, many years ahead to live as the beautiful woman you are. it seems just yesterday that you thought you could never pass, could never go full time and look at you now!

You have strength and to spare to make it through this wait and it will be all the sweeter when it happens.

Hugs

John

[Sally]

Sarah,

I am going to give this to you straight - you know me, I am always honest with you.

I told you that transitioning was not going to be easy - it has not been, you have made huge physical and emotional changes, you have lost a lot along the way as you gain your true self.

If you recall I also told you that this was a long process, you have sort of sped through a lot of it because the physical changes came so quickly but the reality of dealing with other people, insurance companies, doctors and worst of all estranged spouses and lawyers.

You are young, that is in your favor but being beautiful is working against you - you see what is ahead for you and cannot wait to get there.

Patience is a virtue and a necessity for us to learn - you have the means to get your surgery - that puts you light years ahead of so many of us - to me knowing that I can have it but maybe a few months later would be the biggest thrill of my life.

One very important thing - do not tell your ex about this road block - she could prolong the divorce just to punish you, they can and will do things to hurt you on purpose because we hurt them unintentionally.

I hope everything works out sooner than later but as always be patient.

Love

Sally

[Guest NatashaJade]

I feel for you, Sarah. I know that waiting is a rotten thing and it's too bad your insurance isn't covering it. But you're living full time now (one up on me, dear) and your day will come.

As far as going to Brassard, I'm currently planning on June of 2012 if possible. Wouldn't it be fun to be in Montreal together?

xoxo

Tasha

[Guest Roxanna L]

I'm so sorry to hear about this, Sarah...

I wish I could give you some advice to help you on your way, even if just a little...

But I can't think of anything, so I'll just say that I'm very sorry for you...

Hugs, and some hope,

Anna

[Guest John Chiv]

Sarah,

It is frustrating with all the challenges we face. I agree with your Dad. You seem to have some options. And the decision you make can free you from the others who control some options or give them more control. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve the best and all the happiness so whatever you decide, I wish you a smooth road.

John

[Guest JaniceW]

Sarah,

Have you checked into borrowing against your retirement funds? I have done that and it is a very nice financial arrangement, you end up paying interest to yourself later.

[Guest sarah f]

I feel for you, Sarah. I know that waiting is a rotten thing and it's too bad your insurance isn't covering it. But you're living full time now (one up on me, dear) and your day will come.

As far as going to Brassard, I'm currently planning on June of 2012 if possible. Wouldn't it be fun to be in Montreal together?

xoxo

Tasha

Natasha I know we mentioned that before and that would be wonderful. If I have to wait that long then I will request the same date.

Janice the retirement money I would use is my 401k and I would pay myself back with interest. That is better than a loan for sure.

Sally I know it is supposed to take time but I just can't help myself to want it done sooner than later. Patience is something I am usually not good at. When I see something I want or need I go full speed ahead until I get it. It is one of my character flaws. I will have to continue to work on that though.

[Guest Hayley]

Sarah,

Did you find out if your insurance covers SRS first? If they do, did you find out what their requirements are for approval?

Often you get denied if you don't meet their requirements and the should be able to give you a reason why you were denied.

Hugs,

Hayley

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Waiting is what we do. I will have had my surgery okay letter for two years in September. I am nowhere near getting a date set. Best case scenario? I will be age 65.

Lizzy

[Sally]

Sally I know it is supposed to take time but I just can't help myself to want it done sooner than later. Patience is something I am usually not good at. When I see something I want or need I go full speed ahead until I get it. It is one of my character flaws. I will have to continue to work on that though.

Sarah, this is what you have to remember, "You must have patience, patience, patience before you may become a patient."

OK a little silly but I do understand your frustrations but you do have to remember this is a delay on the womanhood express not a derailment.

You are still making excellent progress, everyday you are perfecting something new, just recently changed your hair - little things but they all need to be done and they do add up.

When you do meet with your surgeon he will no doubt assume that you are the loving spouse of the patient because you are so obviously a natal female.

Love ya,

Sally