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All These Years, Still Not Clear


Guest Aylen

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Guest Aylen

Hello! I'am new here. Trying to narrow down what i actually am, or where I stand.

Very young I thought I was female. Don't know why. Just did. I have always had two ways of thinking, acting, wanting and dreaming. Mostly on the female side, but tried to accept and live as male. Because that physicality thing.

Anyway, at the end of the day, I could not accept the fact that I was male. I'm like, I had enough of these male

activities and clothes, I need to let my female "out". Girls really liked me, but thought I was weird if showed too much of a female side. Was tought to be cool by my male friends. So by age 13 I was soooooo confused! I couldn't make a decision. I secretly hid my female feelings from there on out. I feel more comfortable in a female role and activities. I have always felt trapped!!! I can look back and see the signs, but did not believe they were real. I did not know what TS really meant(sorry, I was ignorant and did not think I would live this long).

Am really enjoying the Playground, as it is a great source of knowledge and personal experience!

Hope to be around here more often!

Thank you, Aylen-Bri

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Guest Donna Jean

.

Aylen......

Honey, we've all been here to try to find where we belong in all of this....

Sometimes it slips right into place and sometimes one has to wrestle with it...

Some of us waited a very long time to come to terms with it....

That's why we're here....

uggs

Donna Jean

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  • Admin

Aylen, my best advice if you think you are trans is to seek out a gender therapist (G.T.). They will help you find who you really are, and will guide you through the process of transition, if that is ultimately what you decide to do. It is a long, difficult and convoluted process to change genders, and as we often say here, transition is not for sissies. One must be patient, stubborn, resourceful, brave, determined, and pigheaded. Oh, and did I say brave. Yeah, definitely that.

We will help you as much as you want to be helped, hon. We won't force you to think or do something you're not comfortable with. We are here for support, not to act as cheerleaders. Then again, if you achieve some success, we will be here to cheer you on.

Post, ask questions, learn.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Aylen

Thank you all for your support!!! It means so much! I have been seeing a Therapist, and starting to go down the road of a partial transition, at least HRT. Yes, I have wrestled with this my whole life. But I can't keep fighting

something so strong! I surrender!!!! I've had about all I can handle.

Aylen

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Guest Elizabeth K

Thank you all for your support!!! It means so much! I have been seeing a Therapist, and starting to go down the road of a partial transition, at least HRT. Yes, I have wrestled with this my whole life. But I can't keep fighting

something so strong! I surrender!!!! I've had about all I can handle.

Aylen

That is what happened to me. I finally just had to transition. But there are many options - you seem to be on your road to a resolution of some sort and that is GRAND.

It's complicated ain't it! And it hurts like HELL.

Lizzy

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Guest Aylen

It is complicated! Way more than I had ever dreamed!

And it must be real, cause it hurts like Hell!!!!!!!

I have just started and can't wait to put it behind me!

Just want to live my life for me this time!!!

Aylen

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Guest Elizabeth K

It is complicated! Way more than I had ever dreamed!

And it must be real, cause it hurts like Hell!!!!!!!

I have just started and can't wait to put it behind me!

Just want to live my life for me this time!!!

Aylen

We are here for you honey. We know better than anyone, I think.

Lizzy

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      Thank you. I am just used to seeing trans guys who pass at like... 6 months to 1 year, at the most 3 years. And I just don't meet the mark, all the way at 6 years. It is possible with time I will masculinize more, but it's frustrating when I'm "behind" and may never catch up. It threatens my mental health mostly, possibly my physical health if I'm visibly trans (though I don't ever go out alone). 
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