Sexual Attraction!

[Guest Jenny]

I am interested in knowing the difference between pre-op, post op etc and attraction to which sex at which stages? Hopefully this makes sense?

[Guest Jenny]

I guess I better explain; the only reason I ask is that some people have indicate that their attraction to a certain sex has remained constant through the entire transition period while others have said that HRT caused them to be attracted to the opposite of what it was when they began. Does this clarify it a bit?

[Guest A Girl]

There are a number of different thought on this subject. Some people's orientations do not change at all, a fair percentage do, but know one why for sure. Maybe the person always was, but just kept it buried, some think maybe changes in brain chemistry, others say some change their orientation to better fit in. Myself it has always been girls, but I've never been opposed to the idea of males, but only with the proper girl equipment. Before I began hormones I would of never danced with a guy, but I do now, if they ask. I find it fun. I have no trouble letting them lead, in fact it's a relief to let them. Also, I am much more relaxed on the dance floor and have much more fun now. Still dance with other girls the majority of the time. I don't know if this helps. Presenting male was so stifling to me. I am so much more able to express myself now, and much more comfortable doing so. Odd, something I was so afraid would bring so much unwanted attention to myself (being t) has given me freedom. Sarah Ann

PS: Guess I'm still open on the subject of what my orientation will end up being.

[pennyjane]

yes, sarah ann! freedom is what i have found as well. i often just sit and marvel at how afraid i was, and now....what's to be afraid of? people often comment on my "courage", i'm sure you get it too. about how brave i am to present like this. i just have to chuckle. if they only knew. living life in drab took courage. more courage then i had most of the time. living honestly is fun, fullfilling, engaging........nothing to be afraid of, no need for courage.

back to sexual orientation. i haven't got a clue, sorry. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest Jenny]

Just looking for personal experiences that's all, it's good start, thanks. Hopefully more will answer. Hugs

[Guest matthew41]

I have always been attracted to girls, it didn't change when I transitioned. It become more intense during my first year on hormones, then settled back where it was before.

Matt

[pennyjane]

Just looking for personal experiences that's all, it's good start, thanks. Hopefully more will answer. Hugs

ok, jenny. mine hasn't moved a bit. but then i've been in a monosexual relationship for twenty seven years. to be honest, i have thought about this, i'm not really sure of what motivated my sexual attractions in the first place. i sometimes think that i may have turned out heterosexual under different circumstances. autogynephilia has always had a certain ring of truth about it to me, even if it has been pretty well pummeled by our community. i did have a crush on a boy one time. i don't know, though, if that was just girlish swooning or if there was a sexual attraction and i just pushed it away. i was pretty young then. when i was in my early twenties i wanted to be "gay". i thought that since i felt so girlish all the time that i should like boys, but nothing ever flared up in me. relationships with girls came much easier for me. even though i couldn't get them to see me as a girl, at least most thought i was a pretty highly evolved man. those relationships somtimes had a little romance, but it seemed to me that most girls were attracted sexually to more verelent types. i got alot of..."you're a really nice guy, do you know jim??? is he a hunk or what???" <sigh>

like you, i have heard of people who say their attactions have changed after hrt and transition. some seem very sincere about it, but i always wonder. it might be that the attraction hasn't changed as much as it has been released from bondage. realized, if you will. i know most of the research i have heard about suggests that sexual orientation is pretty difficult to change after puberty, but then i don't know how many of us have been included in that research. if i weren't an old married woman, i think i might be open to exploring change, who knows? might find someplace i'd fit in as "normal." lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest Katie-Louise]

I Haven't Started My HRT Yet Hoping To Start Soon And I'm Bissexual But I Said To My Counsellor If I Was A Girl I Would Like Boys More And She Said It Means I'm Hectrasexual I Got Confused Lol

[Guest Jenny]

Just a quick little side note:

I met a girl once and she "labelled" herself as trysexual; she'll try anything once! Thta gets a bunch of looks from the people in the room, lol.

[Guest elenag]

I'm not on HRT, but mine changed after I started a t-blocker; however I suspect I was bisexual all along. As early as 13 and through college, I have memories of being attracted to guys, but that attraction was generally rare, so I had assumed I was a straight male. I seemed to have become more in tune with my feelings after coming out and finding relief from a high level of testosterone. A few months ago I thought maybe I only prefer men, but I don't think that now. I still feel attracted to certain women, it's just not every woman like before. I seem to be more evenly balanced with my preference now. I'm just glad my crushes are manageable. It used to be ridiculous.

Maybe I'll swing toward preferring only men after HRT? I don't know. Probably not. To be honest, it really isn't much of a concern for me. A partner is a partner... hehe.

Edited August 7, 2007 by elenag

[Guest karen_h]

does being ts make sense, lol, i think not in the confusion of sorting out who we are does who we want to be with make sence. i think it does. it's one more aspect of who we are. again i aimlessly ramble.

thanks karen

[Zufrieden]

I've always been interested in women, in fact I consider myself the most monosexual person on the planet. I've considered open-mindedly if there's any scrap of interest in men and can't find any. I've gradually found myself more attentively interested in woman and even more adverse to men. I don't know whether being on HRT has anything to do with it.

Z.

[Guest Sophie Jean]

I have been pretty experimental, I guess partly trysexual, but I think that was mostly trying to find out who I was, from early adolescence on. I am not on HRT, but I found just opening myself up to my feelings, has actually enhanced my orientation instead of changing it, and if I do start HRT it will only intensify it.

For me, I was primarily attracted to women, though the occasional romantic guy does look fun. However, I can only feel attraction as a woman to a man. I still get confused sometimes whether I feel an attraction to a girl because she looks sexy or because I want to look like her. But then really it's no big deal about why I'm attracted.

The only difference now is that since I'm no longer blocking many of my feelings, the attractions are just more intense.

Hope this helps,

- Sophie Jean

[Guest NikkiG]

Mine has been changing since starting hormones and going more fulltime. I still love women and my wife but am feeling attracted to men more so and have a strong desire to go further with men then I have in the past. Just some mild kissing in the bar last night which my wife said I had to do and she said it owuld make me feel more feminie which it did

[Guest SharleahLynn]

does being ts make sense, lol, i think not in the confusion of sorting out who we are does who we want to be with make sence. i think it does. it's one more aspect of who we are. again i aimlessly ramble.

thanks karen

You are well known for rambling aimlessly SharleahLynn

[Guest mak]

I am really shocked..................

I did not imagine that sexual orientation can change with hormones....

I mean until now I have read many articles at gay sites about how sexual orientation is unchangeable........

until now the only ones who I have heard saying that sexual orientation can be changed are some religious nuts( the so-called "ex-gays") who say that homosexuality can be changed by........... praying to Jesus.

Offcourse I did not take them seriously...

I mean, I feel really confused now... My sexual orientation is the main reason which makes me want to go through transition.......

I really want to ask some things...

What kind of influence can HRT have on a Male-to-Female transsexual??

Can it increase your sexual interest in men??

Can it increase your sexual interest in women??

Can it make you have sexual interest for a sex that you did NOT have interest before HRT?

And thw most important question....

Is this "change of sexual orientation" PERMANENT?? Or does it "go away" once you have finished HRT??

[Zufrieden]

My sexual orientation is the main reason which makes me want to go through transition.

Danger, Will Robinson! (for the uncultured this was the standard warning from the robot in "Lost in Space")

This really is a deadly warning sign that you are on the wrong track.

It's been said a hundred times, but not often enough.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are completely separate.

The only valid reason for transitioning is a mismatch in gender between body and mind.

Sexual orientation should play no role in a decision to transition.

Consider if you were the only person on the earth. Sexual orientation would have no meaning. In this case, how would you want your body to be?

This topic was asking people who are sure that they have a gender identity issue if their orientation has changed.

That is getting the issues in the right order. First, gender identity, then sexual orientation.

Whether any changes in orientation have resulted simply from allowing somebody to acknowledge previous desires or not is a good question.

...desire to go further with men then I have in the past...

HRT is conitnued for life, SRS makes permanent hormonal changes.

For MTF's, HRT cause a reduction or even an elimination of libido.

Since being on HRT I've gradually come to see how it would be theoretically nice to be a heterosexual woman.

But not liking men in any shape or form is certainly a handicap.

My libido has gone to zero, but I will always like looking at women, just not in a sexually predatory way.

Besides, what's the big deal with sexual orientation? Nobody cares about it around here.

I've always hated sweet potatoes, but if I woke up tomorrow and decided I loved them, it would only be positive.

It's the same with me and men.

Z.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Mak,

In answer to your question "will your sexual orientation change with HRT". It may or may not. It happens to some but to others, it does not. There is no definate answer.

MaryEllen

[Guest mak]

Danger, Will Robinson! (for the uncultured this was the standard warning from the robot in "Lost in Space")

This really is a deadly warning sign that you are on the wrong track.

It's been said a hundred times, but not often enough.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are completely separate.

The only valid reason for transitioning is a mismatch in gender between body and mind.

Sexual orientation should play no role in a decision to transition.

Consider if you were the only person on the earth. Sexual orientation would have no meaning. In this case, how would you want your body to be?

Let me tell you, Z.

I do not know exactly how to judge whether there is a mitch match between my body and my mind....

I will tell you what am sure about.............

I know that in almost all my erotic fantasies I fantasize about being a FEMALE and having sexual intecourse( or just romance) with a man....

For example I mean that I see a beautiful woman and I start to think how nice it would be if I had her beautiful legs or face or breasts...

This is not something new for me, I am 25 years old and I first realised it 6 years ago..... the first time I was very disappointed about it but now I have come to accept it more....

So I cannot seperate so easily my ""gender identity"" from my ""sexual orientation"" because I consider my will to be female, to look female and to act female PART of my sexual orientation...

I mean I really find it difficult to tell you what I would do if I was the last person in earth, because I think that that all the dreams( and these dreams are many) I have about being a woman are directly or indirectly connected with sex or romance.... I don't even know if I would care about the whole thing if I was the last person on earth.....

On the other side someone could also say that I have a ""male"" soul since I tend to find boring many of the interests that women usually have and I usually find more common interests with men.......... and I think that I am quite less emotional than the average woman... but I do not consider these things so important...

Anyway, I know that I have to think very well before deciding finally what I am going to do.... I am certainly not ready to take this final decision now...

[Guest Sophie Jean]

Hi Mak,

You are both right. Your gender identity is comprised of both your sexual identity and your social role identity. The orientation is simply who you are attracted to. From what your saying, your sexual identity is essentially feminine, like mine. The only difference for me is that I feel more bisexual in my fantasies as a woman, whereas male to male sex is a horrible turnoff and male to female is acceptable, but I find myself inverting in my mind the roles.

From the following quote, your social identity appears to be male. This is going to require some deep soul searching. Many transgendered discover that they have forced certain interests upon themselves in order to fit in without raising suspicion.

On the other side someone could also say that I have a ""male"" soul since I tend to find boring many of the interests that women usually have and I usually find more common interests with men.......... and I think that I am quite less emotional than the average woman... but I do not consider these things so important...

I don't believe anyone is ever average. Average in my opinion is boring. Being yourself is exciting and relieving.

There are a number of orientations you might wind up with, I believe with almost uniform probability during or after transition. There really has not been a lot of research that I know of in this area.

1. trans lesbian

2. trans heterosexual

3. trans asexual

4. trans bisexual

5. transphiliac (I may be making up this term, someone attracted to trans people anyway)

6. some combination of the above.

Hope this helps

- Sophie Jean

[Guest angie]

Jenny,

I too was or am attracted to GG's and always have been.

But as my transition has progessed,i do find some men attractive(surprise suprise)

The one thing i have enjoyed also,is having a man lead.

I find that i like his arms around me guiding me on the dance floor.

That is a strange new feeling indeed.

Angie

[Guest Zenda]

I read that one American sexologist/endocrinologist[ I think the same one author/transwoman Jenny Bolan saw] who dealt with trans-people believes after affirming ones gender; A third become heterosexual-straight attracted to men/women [opposite sex]. A third bi/gay/lesbian-homosexual attracted to to their affirmed gender type and a third become asexual-no sexual interest whatsoever...perhaps a little bi-romantic but not sexual However I must admit I've met lesbian, gay and straight transpeople but todate no asexual bi romatics like myself. ....I guess when we affirm our gender identity we become our 'true-selves' in more ways than one !

It's possibly those who say their sexual orientation change completely after transition were Bi SEXUALS living in such a state of denial that they block out their true feelings of attraction . Ones personal sexuality is still an iffy subject even for the most liberal minded amongst us.

There are some who believe we were all BISEXUAL to begin with...some just became more onesided in their orientation. Food for thought!

Metta Jendar

[Zufrieden]

The one thing I have enjoyed also, is having a man lead.

I find that I like his arms around me guiding me on the dance floor.

I ran into a situation recently where I detected an urge in me to be protected by men.

I was outside by myself (dressed as a nominal man) and playing guitar.

A group of four male construction workers had gathered around me.

No, I don't think that they were sexually interested in me. I wasn't interested in them that way, either.

I didn't have that awful feeling that I always had, not fitting in, because I knew that I wasn't one of them.

I began to think how much fun it would be to work with them if they'd watch out for me.

I was thinking that if somebody else hassled me, one of them would say, "Hey, leave her alone, she's our friend, she's OK".

Z.

[Guest Jenny]

Wow, I sparked off another hot topic.

The whole reason I ask is because I like females now. I have certain I guess prejudices that after I transition I am assuming I would be homosexual still liking women. I have problems integrating this into my moral system as of right now. Then I think well I should like guys if I transition to a female which would work with my moral system after I transition but to think of it now raises red flags everywhere.

So I guess you can say that right now, I am stuck in an inbetween stage.

I know, I know I can hear it now just sick back and enjoy the trip of transition. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that I have to try and be more accepting of myself as well in order to enjoy that trip. Make any sense?

[Guest Jenny]

I guess a better idea would be to dispose of the negative aspects of this moral system. And just accept life for what it is, I'll probably be a lot happier over all anyway.