Michelle Get A Hold Of Yourself

[Guest Michaele]

HELP ME!,

Last week Tuesday my GT gave me my hearts desire, he said "lets set you up with the endo and do a blood draw to get your baseline for HRT".

So why am I having a bit of a panic attack?

All the stupid thoughts going thru my head now, like will I pass? I should be able to answer that one myself, with who cares. Well I guess when it comes down to it I might care. I know Lizzie McTrucker, Lacey Lynne, heck and the boys John and Johnny just to mention a few say it's all in the attitude. If you present female people percieve you as female.

Being one of the golden girls is another stupid thought, the T girl thinks she still young and is going to be mad having a 60 plus year old body going thru puberty. Not a dang thing I can do about that short of inventing a time machine but I'd still be old and in my past. No that's not going to work.

The GT said we can make you female, we can't make you young or beautiful, and if someone could do that they'd be wealthy.

Problem is I need to make appointments for the blood draw and inaction is the same as telling myself "no you can't do this". This is similar to me at work, I get overloaded and just stop functioning. I need someone to give me the swift kick in the backside and do what I've wanted to do for too many years.

Dang it Michelle get off your butt and make the appointments.

I just had to get this off my chest and get my head clear.

Shelley

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

DO IT!

DANG IT!

Hugggggggs!

Dee Jay

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It's what you want is it not?

Do it.

Lizzy

[Guest Michaele]

Girls,

My butt is kicked, making the appointment bright and early Monday. Woohoo this is it, get me on the train.

Shelley

[JJ]

Great!

If it helps I knew I wanted T more than anything on earth, but I put that first shot off for a couple of days after I could have had it out of sheer reaction. It is something so big, so real that you should stop and think I suppose. For me in some strange way taking that first shot was a commitment to alter my body and my life. Thinking about it-longing for it in the abstract was different than taking action.

I suspect that each of us finds a point that symbolizes the moment we fully commit in a very real and concrete way. Perhaps that is what this call is for you. Hesitation doesn't mean we don't want it-it just means we understand the enormity of what we are doing. Which is good of course.

And the truth is that we can back out at any point still. Of course I would go though fire now to get that shot and the very idea of having to stop brings pure panic. But I could. I'm not trapped-just committed.

I'm so looking forward to the post where you are celebrating HRT!

Johnny

[JenniferB]

I waited a day before starting to take hormones. Of course that day was my birthday. Now I have a dual birthday and will always remember when I started.

Jenny

[Guest Michaele]

Johnny,

The feeling is like standing in the door of an airplane at several thousand feet. I have on the parachute, but I hesitate to take the last step because of the fear running thru my mind. I took that step, the adrenalin rush was tremendous but then so was the view. I'm standing at the doorway to my future, and I'm liking the view. Geronimo!!!

Shelley

[Guest]

Hi Shelley,

I had that fear of heights about 2 months ago. It's been one giddy freefall since then. I'm NOT looking back!

Best of luck, hun...

Love, Kat

[Guest Emily Ray]

Shelley,

The vistas only get better as your body becomes female and your world turns on its head in a great way.

For me it is a pleasant memory and reading your story and others like it bring that happiness back and I want to thank you for sharing it with us.

Huggs

Emily

[Paula ult]

Shelley, being anxious is normal, i would be worried if you were not anxious, this is one of those big steps, if you go into this with expectations that hrt is going to turn you into a model you are going to be disappointed if it does not happen, i know a few people like that, i hoped hrt would help make me passable but being me was more important, i was lucky, i got enough changes to help me pass, and i was 56 when i started hrt.

If this is what you truly want get off your behind and make that call on Monday.

Paula

[Guest Michaele]

Jenny,

If I waited until June 29, I'd have a birthday and half birthday, don't think I can wait that long.

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest Michaele]

Kat,

I'm looking forward to the freefall too.

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest Michaele]

Emily,

It's good to see you back and in good spirits.

Semper Fi sister

Shelley

[Guest Michaele]

Paula,

You can rest assured I'm making the call on Monday, I want to get this trip started and don't want the blimp to leave with out me.

Great Big Hug

Shelley

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Shelley:

Guess what, Shelley Girl?

Ain't NUTHIN' wrong with feeling the way you do. Really.

All I can tell you is my own experience, very briefly. It is this:

Shelley, when I got my okay for HRT, I felt exactly the way you do. Exactly. However, my "Moment of Truth" was in the very moment after I had filled my estradiol prescription, opened the newly-minted bottle of Magic Pills, held one betwixt my quivering fingertips, oh, so gingerly, and ...

thought exactly this:

Take that tab, and EVERYTHING changes BIGTIME!

I'm one of those "funny ducks" who stays a course once I set upon it ... trembling and quaking though I may be. You too, girl. Takes one to know one, honey. We recognize each other. That's why you've PM-ed me like you have ... which you may continue to do anytime.

Shelley:

"Make it so!" ... quoting ... Captain Jean-Luc Picard!

Will we EVER be Victoria's Secret models? No! Does it really matter? No! Just be YOU! That'll majorly do.

Gonna get quasimystical on you ... very briefly:

Mystics of great antiquity instinctively knew what metaphysics and physics researchers of today are only just beginning to understand:

The most power thing in the universe is thought. Einstein was tap dancing around this discovery with his unified field research before his passing. Richard Feynman flirted with it with his nanotechnology breakthroughs. Zero point field researchers (corollary research to quantum consciousness) are kissing this truth in a blind date they have yet to identify but, oh, so passionately yearn for.

My Point:

We get what we expect in this life, girl. The good news is that WE control what we expect ... totally ... absolutely ... continuously. This "spark of divinity" is The Magic granted to humanity by God, The Goddess, The Force (nobody REALLY actually knows who, what, whatever) and to no other earthly beings. Just humanity.

Oh, yes, I can sense the groans ... the rolling-skyward eyeballs ... the grimaces ... from some folks reading these words in disgust. Their problem. NOT ours. Heck with 'em. Truth is truth no matter what any of us believes. Empiric evidence is confirming the truth of these statements in laboratories worldwide as we communicate in this thread.

So:

Expect to pass. Expect to succeed. Expect to rejoice.

You Will!

If I'm doing it (and I am), then YOU can do it too. Hey, I'm no better than you or anybody else here. We ALL have this magical, mystical, mesmerizing power available to us as our birthright as humans.

A little while back, I forgot what I knew which is what I'm explaining here. WE are in charge. Just today, I found my laser hair removal center ... at a better price ... at better terms ... in a closer location ... to remove my beard. Gonna do it in a week.

My exercising routine is paying of bigtime. My HRT is really kicking in. Finally, just yesterday, I looked in the mirror in the unisex restroom at Nordstrom just as I was leaving it, and:

For the first time ever ... I saw Lacey Lynne! OMG! YES!

Sally of the GG3 in New Orleans has written about this kind of thing extensively. We're on HRT for quite a while ... and still see a guy in the mirror ... all the time ... every time. Then, ONE FINE DAY, it happens! There's a GIRL in the doggone mirror! Guess who she is?

SHE'S YOU!!!

Shelley, that moment awaits you! Fill your HRT prescription. Religiously take your HRT. Expect great things.

They're a-comin' your way, Honey Girl!

Loopey Lacey Lynne

Postscript:

She ya on the other side, girlfriend!

[Guest Michaele]

Lacey,

Victoria's Secret no, Ruby's Rumors and Bloomers maybe. You and I probably cut from the same piece of cloth. Time to grab the bull by the horns and do this thing. Heck if you slow down half a step, I swear I'm going to catch up to you and we'll be the most outrageous girls (well you're already there) on Lauras.

Love Ya Like a Sister

Shelley

[Guest Cafe.Bike.Girl]

Johnny,

The feeling is like standing in the door of an airplane at several thousand feet. I have on the parachute, but I hesitate to take the last step because of the fear running thru my mind. I took that step, the adrenalin rush was tremendous but then so was the view. I'm standing at the doorway to my future, and I'm liking the view. Geronimo!!!

Shelley

As someone who has done both I can say they do feel about the same :-D

[Guest John Chiv]

Shelley,

I haven't been around much the last couple of days. Monday morning, you are going to make that call. The train isn't leaving the station without you.

You can do it. I believe in you.

John

[Guest Michaele]

As someone who has done both I can say they do feel about the same :-D

Ya me too and it's a rush. BTW was out on the '81 Yamaha SR250H tonight.

Shelley

[Guest Michaele]

John,

The call will be made Monday morning for sure, good God I am so excited!!!!!

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest Katie_in_AK]

So proud of you! What an exciting time awaits!

[Guest John Chiv]

Shelley,

Monday morning has come and gone. Where's my update?

Hugs,

John

[Guest Michaele]

Shelley,

Monday morning has come and gone. Where's my update?

Hugs,

John

Sorry John,

I wound up having my company send me out of town until the 15th, but had the blood work done yesterday. Nope I didn't wimp out.

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest John Chiv]

Shelley,

I am so proud of you. And very happy for you. I told you I believe in you and I do Wish you more positive steps and firsts.

Lots of hugs,

John