Loss Of Interest

[Guest Wendae]

I'm going thru a period where I have no interest in dressing. I've even tried dressing anyway and feel absolutely nothing....I've been thru these spells before but they are really frustrating. You feel like part of you is missing (It is!).

My therapist asked me yesterday where Wendae was when I arrived at my session in drab. I told here that Wendae had gone on vacation with out letting me know she was going. I told her these spells could last anywhere from a few days, a week, month or a year. It's already been a month now and I'm really feeling down. Hope she comes back soon.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Does Wendae change her style sometimes?

<3

Amy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Wendae,

These cycles are not unusual. So, please do not despair.

I have learned to embrace these cycles as they come and go.

Just relax and let go. Who you are is always important. Feeling one way or another does not diminish you.

Be patient

She'll come back

I promise

Love

Brenda

[Guest Katie_in_AK]

Yeah, the more I'm ALLOWED to dress, the more I can do without for a while.

[Guest ChloëC]

Wendae,

I understand completely. It's a real bummer. But with me, it's more of a 'if I can't dress to how I want for a decent amount of time, I'm not that interested.' Minutes here and there, while, um, interesting, are not the same as being 'me' for a length of time. The pink fog as Mia once said, comes and goes, doesn't it?

Hugz

Chloë

[Guest Alyson_]

Ok Katie, your words remind me of my first mother inlaw. Her smoking, she said flat out that if her husband allowed her to smoke she would smoke less because of the fun it was to hide her smoking and getting away with it. Does this help to make sense of the situation for anybody?

Love you all, Alice

Yeah, the more I'm ALLOWED to dress, the more I can do without for a while.

[Guest melissacd65]

between not feeling it to not able to,and unable at times it is difficult

[Guest Julie T]

Hi Wendae

Honey, I know you are frustrated, and that isn't a comfortable place to be. I didn't answer this at first because I saw so many good answers. When I reread it I saw a few things I thought you might want some feedback on? I am of course a person who eventually decided to transition. So does does what I have to say translate? I think it might.

When I was crossdressing I would suddenly just lose interest for a while. And Wendae, I too missed being me and it was sad in a way because it seemed my life was somehow not as rich. Does that make sense? At first I thought I was suddenly, well almost cured? I was a poignant moment, knowing a part of me might be gone. We have a difference as we both dress, but you to be feminine, and for me to be female. But in both cases, when it isn't working, we get frustrated? And we tend to stop I think.

Maybe we really don't lose interest, but feel more like asking ourselves what is the point anymore? I see you referring to yourself in the third person, and that alerts me to this next thing. Are you really Wendae? I worked early on this third person habit with my therapist, and she asked me if I was really Elizabeth? I was referring to myself in the third person so much of the time when working with her. She had me unify and become one person, not one person when dressed, and another when in male drab. That unifying seemed to fix everything.

Maybe you can accept yourself, I mean as what you and your therapist work out you are. If this is Wendae? and I am guessing it probably is, then your need to dress to show your femininity will be just exactly what you are. Crossdressing will not be crossdressing anymore, but just what you do. Maybe it will then have real meaning and it will make you happy again.

I suspect this ennui is pretty common.

Julie

[Guest Wendae]

Julie T I don't think it matters if we have transitioned or are Cds, we all have some to offer. Thank you for your thoughts as well as the other folks who took the time to offer their theirs.

My therapist asked me what I got out of crossdressing and I replied that it was a warm place to be. Trance like and totally disconneced from my male personna and all of the fears and problems surrounding that part of my life. The smell of cosmetics, nylon and a smooth body was heaven. Let's not forget seeing the end results of our efforts and the satisfaction of seeing a great presentation. The rush of passing! Hence, refering to myself in the 3rd person. She seemed to understand and was always supportive and complimentary.

Years ago I wanted to transition but as years passed and I reached 70 the idea no longer appeals to me. Now that Wendae has left me for awhile I feel ashamed that I don't have any desire to get prettied up or go thru the hassle it takes to get in fem mode. It's sort of like I'm on vacation as well but I still miss that comfort zone. It saddens me to see all of Wendae's clothes hanging in the closet and the makeup going untouched. Hope she come back soon.

[Guest Monte M]

Wendae,

I completely know what you mean by just not feeling like it. For months I've been putting on the same clothes as normal, no change, but I just haven't been with it. I dress like a boy, I feel like a boy, but I just don't bother to really show it. My hair has grown out, I don't bother pitching my voice, and I have people asking me awkward questions. I don't feel like myself, but I know that I can't rush it. When I'm ready I'll cut my hair again, when I'm ready I'll find that zone that makes me feel good.

I know that you will too.

Much luck, Monte

[Guest Wendae]

Well the "Drabs" have left me and I'm whole again. Today was my first day to get dressed again and wow, does it feel great!

I hope it stays gone. I hate going thru these phases. Anyway, Wendae is back!

[Guest]

Welcome Back, Wendae!

You were gone a long time - I just woke up to the start date of this thread (more coffee coming).

I do hope that you enjoy yourself heartily, and chase away those drabs forever!

Love, Megan

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi Wendae, Nice to have you back again!! I can honestly say I have never lost the desire to dress.

Love Kim

[Guest Mia J]

Hi Wendae,

WELCOME BACK!!!

May those drabs stay away.

Mia

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Why, hello Wendy! Where the heck ya been, Doll?

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Wendae]

Thanks girls. I'm sitting here all femmed up and feelin fine!

[Guest Emily H]

Yay!

[Guest Toni Reed]

Hey Wendae, I understand how you must feel as i've gone thru these periods too and to me they are so depressing. At least you have a therapist - Wish I had one where I live. Whatever you do don't lose her! Hope she comes back soon! I can't give you a hug,but,I wish I could....

Toni

[Guest mia 1]

Hi Wendae

, I’ve been a cross dresser since I was 15 and just celebrated my 67th b’day...52 yrs.. and most of the time my cross dressing has been quiescent When Mia disappears I walk around and pretend it is all over...I walk by the women’s dept at Target and pretend I don’t care what is showing and the same with the cosmetic department....but I gulp hard and avoid the twinges and try to keep my breathing regular...”whistling past the grave yard...."

Now after nearly a year, Mia has returned and I am simply enjoying and being enveloped in the fog of life....it is wonderful and this is what we do...and the way we live...

Thanks for sharing your POV...it makes it easier for all of us.

Mia

[Guest]

Hi Mia,

Wow - welcome back, Mia! It's good to see you again, stranger! I do hope you can stick around?

Love, Megan

[Guest Wendae]

Hey Mia! It is great to be back sister and I know you feel the same way young lady! Tomorrow I'm going to a Halloween party all femmed up as a crossdressing dominatrix. I'll be dressed for hours and among friends(that don't have a clue). It'll be great to be out and about.

Let's hope these bouts of losing interest stay gone this time. It really is an awful feeling!

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi ladies

This conversation has been a real boost to me! You know my history - new to cross-dressing at 53 in March this year (well, not so new because thanks to the book "Alice in Genderland" I now understand it has been a part of me since 13, just having no information as well as feeling shame meant it got buried). But the last few days I felt the urge fading. I wondered - is that it? A burst and then gone? And all that money on clothes, breastforms (and even a wardrobe to put it all in). Eve...fading away? Eek! I decided to have a rummage on this Forum and this correspondence has helped me a lot!

So, once again you have all helped me. Thank you! It is good to know this side of me will wax and wane over time and I can feel comfortable knowing my feminine side is just having a rest. It's so good to understand this. Glad you found Wendae again. I'm glad how I feel is just part of the fascinating and lovely world I now inhabit!

You are all such wonderful friends!

Hugs,

Eve

[Guest Krisina]

Waxing and waining. I have felt that. I get tired of making an effort to look like they way I wish I was born, cisgendered female, my own hair and some favorite clothes. I have to work on the shaving the body and putting on my breast forms and makeup so my face doesnt look masculine and my wig. Oh, if I could only have my own breasts, not need to put on makeup to look like my inner feeling of self and just grab a pair of comfy jeans and a shirt and ballerina flats. I don't think about the clothes in the closet too much sometimes as I carry on with my busy life, trying not to think about things to raise my anxiety. But like I've said countless times, I don't feel like a normal guy straight or gay. I don't feel like a normal woman with this body either. I hear comments from other guys about women and I just don't feel like, one of them. A phase of life that will fade away? Waxing and waning, it will all return. It always does.

Krisina