A Short History Of Marshall

[Guest Marshall]

Hm... How to start this... Well, I always remember being a boy, and found it weird that people kept giving me girly toys and girly clothes. But hey, when you grow up poor, you learn to just play with the toys you get and wear the clothes given to you and just be happy you got anything at all. A memory that I recall very clearly was when I was four and my dad took me to the clinic to get a check-up or something like that. The doctor came in and said "Everything checks out okay. You're daughter is completely healthy." I was about to say "I'm his son, not his daughter." but then they started to discuss something so I sat there politely until my dad took me home. I wish now that I had told them I was his son and not his daughter, but can't keep regretting things. Anyways, I continued believing I was a boy until puberty hit. I was so devastated when my mom had bought me training bras. Mainly because I realized that I couldn't keep rejecting the reality that I was female. Not wanting to be thought of as a monster, I reluctantly started wearing the bras. The shock was what probably caused me to block out any memories of feeling male, which is probably why I don't remember my childhood much.

So, through the beginnings of my puberty, I forced myself to be a girl. It was horrible. I remember when we first moved into my grandparents house because my dad lost his job, my grandma found out that I hadn't been wearing my bras at all. When she confronted me about it, I couldn't say anything. I knew that wearing bras felt wrong to me, but I couldn't remember why. Some years passed, and it wasn't until one day before my first day of high school started that I realized why I hated being a girl. My mom was watching this TV special about Transsexuals. I don't remember what it was called, but when I walked into the room, it was showing an FtM, talking about how they realized they were transsexual. I actually started to cry because my feelings of being male and some of my childhood memories came back. I eventually came out to my mom, dad, many of my friends, and a few other relatives. I still haven't told my older brother, mainly because I'm afraid he'd hate me. And so, we come to an end of this biography. I'm in summer school, but I'll be starting Sophomore year in August.

[MaryEllen]

Thank you for sharing this with us, Marshall.

MaryEllen

[Guest Avery F]

Thanks for posting this, man. It's always reassuring to read about other people having feelings similar to one's own. I hope that if/when you do come out to your brother he doesn't react badly. Good luck with your upcoming Sophomore year!

[Carolyn Marie]

Thanks for posting your story, Marshall. You have much in common with most of the FtM members. We all did what we needed to do to survive in a hostile world. When I was young there was no Internet, no popular books about or by TS people, little in the media. I was alone with my strange thoughts, misery and shame.

I'm glad things are better now, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Marshal,

<<< curtsey >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have FTM meetings -Mon & Fri 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna