Help Me Feel Like Me

[Guest Koakoa]

I was wondering how could look at this very early stage so far. I honestly haven't really given much though to my outer self, only really focusing on feeling as such on the inside, and never gave much thought of going out until I just finished rereading/watching Hourou Musuko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hourou_Musuko). This is probably the first time in my life I ever actually cared about my appearance, even though I look pretty terrible in them (I don't really have that many clothes and I have stubble (I never shaved as a male and it it grew for months and years at a time, so it's still quite weird having nothing)).

If I were to actually go out, I would probably get a fancy collar/neckwarmer (hide apple and lower cheek), a blouse (probably long-sleeved), stockings/thigh-high socks, and some concealer/make-up. I would also likely need to pull-off a bust, and since I would prefer a smaller chest, I could possibly get away with just a bra and some sort of stuffing.

I always feel and show myself as being quite awkward and really can't be comfortable outside, but it would be nice if I could at least feel better about myself being outdoors and maybe not feel so horrid about people; while I doubt I could ever make myself pretty or be graceful enough to be feminine, I would like to at least show myself with a meek/cute vibe.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Hi, are you on any hrt yet?

[Guest Koakoa]

Hi, are you on any hrt yet?

I am not on any hormones nor have even began any sort of therapy.

[Guest]

Hi Koakoa,

We all start with possibilities. And they're there. You said it yourself, as far as the to-do list. Just follow your own advice!

I'm not a very good judge, but do know that hair does wonders to emphasize facial features. My mother was an example of this that many of us MTF's could learn from. She was of Norwegian, German, Polish descent, but her square features and jaw line were of that the Eastern European. (Her sisters looked the Norwegian ---sigh.) And so, while her sisters wore longer straight hair, my mother always used the "big hair", shorter hair look. It really does help! It wasn't until I was shopping for wigs that I realized what my mother had done. See what you can do with hair - you might be pleased!

Best of luck!

Love, Kat

[Guest Koakoa]

Well, I always wanted to have longer hair, but after getting my wig I realized how annoying such can be to manage. While I may look a bit better with medium length hair, but I do like flat hair and hair along my brow/one eye.

How could I shape or manage that to better suit my face?

[Guest Aly Kat]

your shirt has longer (male) sleeves and a crew neck. not having those two things will drastically alter your overall look.

SMILE more! (or grin more....) and keep your chin down a little bit in pictures//looks more feminine I think

your facial features are already quite girly trimmed eyebrows and a close shave would make you pass fo sho. LOVE your eyes.

[Guest Koakoa]

your shirt has longer (male) sleeves and a crew neck. not having those two things will drastically alter your overall look.

SMILE more! (or grin more....) and keep your chin down a little bit in pictures//looks more feminine I think

your facial features are already quite girly trimmed eyebrows and a close shave would make you pass fo sho. LOVE your eyes.

Yeah, I really need to find myself a nice blouse or two, since all I have are T-shirts and dress-shirts. I'm not really a smiler (they look pretty strange when I do them), but even though I have flat emotions, I could try to express myself more. I often have my head down, so that would probably be fine outside. You really think my face is girlish (and even more so with better eyebrows and shave)? And my eyes are a nice hazel~

[Guest Alexandra89]

Yeah, the hazel color's pretty.

I got stuck with black-brown (1 on the Martin-Schultz scale). It's a neutral color, so virtually any color of eye make-up works with it, but it's not really exciting or exotic at all.

-Alex

[Guest Aly Kat]

You really think my face is girlish (and even more so with better eyebrows and shave)?

yeah lovely, I wouldn't have said it if it weren't true =P

no prominent brow ridge, no chin strong-y-ness, nice feminine nose, well-placed cheek bones, amazing eyes

honestly, the only thing "male" about you is your t-shirt, stubble, and eyebrows... in my HONEST opinion

<3 <3 <3

the Aly Kat

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I am not on any hormones nor have even began any sort of therapy.

Ok so I have a place to start. You want to know if you have a good "blank slate" from which to work from. There are different types of male and female features that span a spectrum that looks like this.

A MtF would look at this "Chart" for lack of a better word: (For mtf ftm just reverse go from the bottom up.)

Hard male

Soft Male

-Androgeny

Hard female

Soft Female

(This chart is simply a bench mark and may not apply to all. There have been some cases whereby some miracle a person with a strikingly Hard male appearance looked VERY like a soft female after RLT and HRT. So it is not a hard and fast rule. this is more of a tool of where you land now before HRT...not so much where you will eventually end up.)

This all reminds me of my first visit with my counselor. I was scared, full of anxiety and worried if I would ever be seen as female. That was over 10 years ago.

At any rate...This is all based on underlying bone structure. As we all know by now that is what facial reconstruction surgeons go for, changing bone shape. When I started out I was between androgyny and soft male as told by to me by my counselor. So the question is, where do you land in this chart? In my personal opinion you land in the Soft male to Androgyny zone. You have a slight flip to your nose which is a female line and you have high cheekbones which favor a more of a female appearance mixed with some masculine features. Now here is the thing, I see nothing on the masculine side that can not be taken care of with HRT. In about a year, I am betting you will look real different.

You can fix nearly anything as far as physical appearance goes but, the biggest change will be from with in you. If you have not read this post please take the time to read it: http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=34269

A word about hair... the longer it gets the more of a task it becomes to maintain. When I am not out and about I wear my hair up in a bun or pony tail. It falls just below my lower shoulder blades. There are days I just want to cut it off! I don't know what the state of your hair is but if you have a problem growing it because of nasty testosterone there is always the option of the lace front wig which gives the elusion of a lower hair line and appears to be growing out of the skin. The down side is they are fragile.

So there you have it, my opinion for what it is worth.

[Guest Koakoa]

Probably the best think I always thought about my look were my eyes and many people have seem to like them.

The replies so far is kind of different than what I was expecting; I always saw myself as a 'hard male' and figured I would always have a generic male look. It nice to hear that I already have some girlish qualities and that I can actually look a way I want too look without too much trouble. Actually, I read that thread before I made this one and that's exactly what I want; I just want to look like a natural me, instead of being so concerned about being a girl. As for my hair, it's just a cheap wig I got online and long because I always wanted such. I can probably cut it a third or so or just get a new one, but what you do suggest for hair to better suit me (my natural male hair is short, and if I grow it out, it grows up and gets very curly).

[Guest Miss_Construe]

I was wondering how could look at this very early stage so far. I honestly haven't really given much though to my outer self, only really focusing on feeling as such on the inside, and never gave much thought of going out until I just finished rereading/watching Hourou Musuko (http://en.wikipedia....i/Hourou_Musuko). This is probably the first time in my life I ever actually cared about my appearance, even though I look pretty terrible in them (I don't really have that many clothes and I have stubble (I never shaved as a male and it it grew for months and years at a time, so it's still quite weird having nothing)).

If I were to actually go out, I would probably get a fancy collar/neckwarmer (hide apple and lower cheek), a blouse (probably long-sleeved), stockings/thigh-high socks, and some concealer/make-up. I would also likely need to pull-off a bust, and since I would prefer a smaller chest, I could possibly get away with just a bra and some sort of stuffing.

I always feel and show myself as being quite awkward and really can't be comfortable outside, but it would be nice if I could at least feel better about myself being outdoors and maybe not feel so horrid about people; while I doubt I could ever make myself pretty or be graceful enough to be feminine, I would like to at least show myself with a meek/cute vibe.

I had similar reservations as you, and even de-transitioned due to fears based in never being able to pass. Just keep at it. Find what you are comfortable in and the rest will fall into place. I would get behind closed doors in full dress, turn up the music and just dance.

Check out styles from the music groups: The Agonist, Collide, Sirenia, etc.

- Loose the gloves

- ditch the crew necks

- If you sport bangs then you want some of your hair to fall onto the front of your shoulders to frame your face.

- don't bother with the neck wraps. scarves are in but only when you are trying to pull off a certain look.

HUGS,

<3

Amy

[Guest Koakoa]

I had similar reservations as you, and even de-transitioned due to fears based in never being able to pass. Just keep at it. Find what you are comfortable in and the rest will fall into place. I would get behind closed doors in full dress, turn up the music and just dance.

Check out styles from the music groups: The Agonist, Collide, Sirenia, etc.

- Loose the gloves

- ditch the crew necks

- If you sport bangs then you want some of your hair to fall onto the front of your shoulders to frame your face.

- don't bother with the neck wraps. scarves are in but only when you are trying to pull off a certain look.

HUGS,

<3

Amy

I'm not really into music nor any sort of scene; I'm just going with what I like and what could possibly go well together. I kind of like the gloves (maybe not those exact pair, but a nice smooth and silky fit) and it hides the maleness of my hands. I'm buying some blouses right now and only wore that shirt because I don't really have any girlish tops. I'm still trying to decide how to style my hair; I'm probably going to cut to to middle/lower-shoulder length, and I kept the hair in the back due to how messy and entangled the lower half was. I kind of like the idea of a nice collar (along the lines of http://www.geechlark.com/c381.jpg) to not only hide my upper neck/adam's apple (even though it's probably not that noticeable) and to fit with what I'm wearing.

I know I'm probably just putting random stuff together and looking like a paper doll, but I don't know fashion, nor really care much about appearing fashionable.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Koakoa

I don't know what I expected, but I see a decent person with gender dysphoria, who has a really good chance for resolution.

You really will do okay if you decide to transition. If you wish, I will show my starting point, and I say you are better situated than when I began. I live full time now and have had hell on wheels getting here, but I did it.

I do wish you would accept the sister/brotherhood of like minded people we have here - and see if we can help you feel better about yourself. We have all hated ourselves - we have all hated our situation - we have all suffered mightedly.

But we have Laura's Playground as a support group, and it is truly an amazing place.

Lizzy

[Guest Koakoa]

Well, I'm just a bit cluttered and flustered trying to get the process started (finding a therapist, starting HRT, paying for treatments, finding out more of myself, going out/creating RLT.. etc.), and I guess it's quite nice to have this around.

I'm still pretty flattered and joyed at the responses from this thread; I wasn't expecting other or myself to view me in that manner (though how much of that is just confidence boosting, I don't know nor really care anymore). I'm probably being too down and pessimistic towards myself, but I've always been like that.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Kaokao,

Everyone gets flustered and confused at every step of the journey. You seem like a beautiful and shy girl seeking out her style and herself. I am really glad (and excited) that you are having fun with trying on new looks. I also think it is great you can say 'no' to advice you don't agree with . Only you know what is best for you and it helps us help you if we can get a better idea of your tastes .

HUGS

<3

Amy

[Guest Elizabeth K]

We want you here - I think everyone here agrees with that. I am so glad you are feeling better about yourself - it can be rough being gender dysphoric.

Lizzy

[Guest Koakoa]

I guess it's nice being told all of these things and it's making me feel a bit better about myself. I'm not necessary saying no to some of the suggestions, but rather just think I currently look better as how I plan to look (even though I may 'technically' look better and possibly with all the advice in this thread, but I'm probably better off as the way I want to look and that it does better to mask my more manly side).

Some other things I'm wondering about: no one mentioned anything about my non-facial features. I know it's a bit hard to tell, but I take it there's nothing really noticeable about my shoulders, neck/apple, chest and legs.

Something I'm much more concerned with is my voice; I hate my voice and have always had a speech impediment (heavy mispronunciation and stuttering) and even though I was in speech therapy for my school years and it has help greatly, it's still pretty hard to understand my voice. In addition, it's apparently to be a pretty thick and even basic altercations to my voice sounds pretty bad. I was thinking of going the route of selective mutism and communicating via pen and paper or a device like Noteslate and with a cute smile on my face. I kind of always wanted to do this for a long time, and since a decent voice (let alone feminine) seems like a pipedream and textual communication is something I would be interested in and could have fun with (I always wrote in script in school and could transfer that to this sort of writing).

[Guest Koakoa]

Took some more picture as myself earlier today (before going outside for the first time looking as such).

[Guest Maria_B]

I think (for a photoshoot like this, anywho) with the right make-up and a cheeky smirk, you could pull off a very tempting... temptress (read: succubus)

Which basically says, you've got the got it, girl. So get it, get it?

[Guest Koakoa]

I think (for a photoshoot like this, anywho) with the right make-up and a cheeky smirk, you could pull off a very tempting... temptress (read: succubus)

Which basically says, you've got the got it, girl. So get it, get it?

Sound very cute~ Any suggestions for make-up and techniques to pull this off; also, best way to 'present' myself in such a manner while outdoors/in general society?

[Guest Maria_B]

Unfortunately I am no whiz with makeup, got a few colours I can't see, but for normal everyday?

Smart casual would be my bet, not sure how casual would look, but I think you'd look good in smart casual.

[Guest Koakoa]

I always dressed in a such a style, so I guess it's suited for me.

Any suggestion on type of clothing or colors that would look nice on me?

[Guest Alex F]

OH MY GOSH thank you so much for your advice about the wig everybody

For the first time in my whole life I saw a woman staring back in the mirror at me, not a huge strapping man (as everyone calls me) now granted it was a blanket (I can't find a wig anywhere) but still thank you so much!!!!!!!