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Guest skyy

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Hello, i am a 16 year old MtF, and you can call me Skyy. I have never in my life done any online chat sort of thing much less a forum, but i guess i just really want a sense on community where people know what i'm talking about.

For the last 14 or so years i never even thought being born with my condition existed, i just assumed that i was a boy because everyone said i was. There were behavior patterns i had to live up to in order to be accepted, so i guess i stoped listening to how i felt and did what everyone wanted me to do. i never knew how it would affect me nor did i even understand what exactly i gave up until very reciently. i've been depressed since purberty in middle school, and still am to this day, though i am slowly healing. coming to this website has been a big jump for me. the greatest i face is that i stoped feeling my own emotions very early on only allowing a little to excape. now those unresolved emotions are like a different person and its smothering me. i'm now trying to relearn how to express how i feel to myself and others, but it is slow. its funny, i've never felt less like the girl i am, yet i'm closer to having that joy all the time than i ever have been.

I have no hormones or testosterone suppressant of any sort yet, and will not recieve them until i somehow prove i'm confortable as a woman. so now i have to learn to crossdress, which is unappealing to me i guess. Not because its feminine, but the fact i'm built like the guy purberty made me physicly. its deppressing that i cant enjoy it like every other girl...i just doesnt fit in any way. it doesnt make me feel feminine, it make me fell like a dude in girl clothing, which only makes me feel more sad. i wnat to wear it, but i want to be believable too.

Thank you for listening, sorry to ramble on and everything, but i needed to get it all out there. Again, this is my first forum or chat, so please be pacient with me, i will learn eventually. thanks

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Guest jantonio

Hi skyy and welcome to our community. :) Please feel free to ask any questions or express any concerns that you may have. Don't worry too much about not looking too feminine, remember that we are what we project. I am sure and have no doubt that you are the girl you say you are. Just remember that hormones and things like that have to be taken only with the supervision of a gender therapist and endrocrinologyst. Anyway, welcome. :)

Jose Antonio...

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thank you everyone. i've browsed this site for a while and i have to say you all sound like some of the nicest people i've ever seen, and i'm glad to join. i'll try to remember to project how i really feel, and not worry about how i look. so thanks again :D

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  • Root Admin

Hello skyy,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Thank you for sharing with us.

MaryEllen :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest My_Genesis
Hello, i am a 16 year old MtF, and you can call me Skyy. I have never in my life done any online chat sort of thing much less a forum, but i guess i just really want a sense on community where people know what i'm talking about.

For the last 14 or so years i never even thought being born with my condition existed, i just assumed that i was a boy because everyone said i was. There were behavior patterns i had to live up to in order to be accepted, so i guess i stoped listening to how i felt and did what everyone wanted me to do. i never knew how it would affect me nor did i even understand what exactly i gave up until very reciently. i've been depressed since purberty in middle school, and still am to this day, though i am slowly healing. coming to this website has been a big jump for me. the greatest i face is that i stoped feeling my own emotions very early on only allowing a little to excape. now those unresolved emotions are like a different person and its smothering me. i'm now trying to relearn how to express how i feel to myself and others, but it is slow. its funny, i've never felt less like the girl i am, yet i'm closer to having that joy all the time than i ever have been.

I have no hormones or testosterone suppressant of any sort yet, and will not recieve them until i somehow prove i'm confortable as a woman. so now i have to learn to crossdress, which is unappealing to me i guess. Not because its feminine, but the fact i'm built like the guy purberty made me physicly. its deppressing that i cant enjoy it like every other girl...i just doesnt fit in any way. it doesnt make me feel feminine, it make me fell like a dude in girl clothing, which only makes me feel more sad. i wnat to wear it, but i want to be believable too.

Thank you for listening, sorry to ramble on and everything, but i needed to get it all out there. Again, this is my first forum or chat, so please be pacient with me, i will learn eventually. thanks

hey skyy..i've never officially said hello even though we've met in other threads :)

it's funny im kind of a very unemotional person in general, except when it comes to anger..part of it is that i've just built up a lot of anger over time because of the frustration of having to deal with this situation in my life...but i like to think part of it has something to do with being masculine ;)

interestingly, i feel the same way about taking hormones as you do about cross-dressing..i can't see myself as physically a female and taking male hormones..i'd just feel like a "girl taking dude hormones"..lol, and for some reason it wouldnt be believable to me, i'd just feel like this really hairy, masculine-looking female, which would make me even more disgusted with myself than i am right now <_< this is why i haven't taken any hormones thus far..I'm afraid it'll make things worse instead of better..I guess that's an unusual way to feel about taking hormones but idk I can't seem to overcome it. :huh:

Anyway, welcome. When I first joined here I actually found it rather interesting when I realized that even though MTF's and FTM's are transtioning in opposite directions, and one feels about one sex what the other feels about the opposite sex and vice versa..we still have so much in common..like how i was able to relate to a lot of what you said..it's much more supportive that way :)

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Guest Sara N

I never said hello either. Although I was still getting used to the forum, finding my way around, and dealing with a lot of issues then.

I can really relate to what you said. Living as a guy for 20 years because I thought I had no other choice. Hiding my emotions, rarely allowing any to escape. Even on these forums I have trouble expressing how I feel, but I felt I've become more open since joining. It makes me wonder, if I found all this information sooner, where would I be now?

Well good luck, and I hope that we'll be able to start hormones as soon as possible. :)

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Guest theEND

Welcome to the forums Skyy ;) I think everyone can relate to to how depressing being trans can be and its awesome that you can just be yourself here.

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