Dating Through The Process

[Guest Jackson]

If I've ever needed advice, it is now.

What's everyone's opinion on when to start dating through the process of transitioning? The problem is that there is much more to complicate things than just the transitioning.

My spouse and I are separated; however, not yet divorced. We still live together for financial security. So I have to see him getting back out into the dating pool and having fun with friends and with potential romantic interests.

So where am I? I'll be starting testosterone in two weeks. Yep, two weeks. Jeez, just seems like a couple weeks ago I started therapy. (It will be ninety days.) I've not yet changed my name (that will come in October). I've come out to the parents and close friends. I'll be talking to my boss and coworkers in the next week or two. I asked my therapist if I ought to wait until I'm further along in the transitioning process, but she just asked me why I thought I ought to wait.

So what do I do? It's stressful enough to be transitioning, but to be working full time and going to graduate school too. There have been many times in the last month that I could do with a little female company.

I don't mean to be a bother, but I'm at a loss.

Jackson

[Guest JayJaye]

I'm waiting for the same reasons you're thinking of.

I've been on T not quite 2 weeks. I'm having a hysto later this month. I have top surgery scheduled in Dec. I'm changing my name (dropping off paperwork tomorrow). And at this point I'm not even sure of my sexual orientation. So why date and drag someone in to my potential mess? Personally I think it will be hugely easier when I pass 100% as male. Then if I get involved I can have the talk about my anatomy or lack thereof. I'm just not sure who to date anyway. Right now I think I identify as straight, and would be interested in straight women, but I don't pass well so why would they remotely be interested? Too complicated, IMO.

Others manage to date successfully and have a partner to lean on. IDK...

Jay

[Guest Snow Angel]

I'm not going to risk being killed. Personally, I'm not going to date until after SRS. (I would only date a close friend I've known for years that knew me before transition, or another transsexual.)

[Guest Evan_J]

I'm not going to have any sparkling advice on this one, but for the record, if you ever just want to sound off about it, I'd listen.

For me, I know I'm not up to dating and transitioning. My wife and I split up about a year before I seriously (re)undertook examining whether I would physically do it and the split up was directly related to gender issues. So I still feel depleted somewhat/ not willing to use what energy I have to a relationship

However, I certainly have times when I too would love a little female company.

I suppose the first thing to identify is how much and what kind of female company it is you really want. Transient? Short term? Friend with a benefit? Long distance? There are a lot of options beyond traditional "dating". Whatever you decide fits you I would say pursue that honestly. Meaning, don't "appear" to be dating the indiv if in fact you really just want a no-strings fling. Be honest with em. Women like it. And you're endeavor will undoubtedly be more satisfying.

[Guest jantonio]

I was under the opinion that I wouldn't date anybody during my transition process because I didn't want to complicate my situation. But like a month ago, I met a nice woman who truly supports me and now we're dating so go figure. Bottom line is you can never say no to anything because you never know what life will throw at you. Trust me I didn't expect this relationship to happen, but she's been wonderful and supportive. So now I think that in my case having someone by my side supporting me in my transition is important. Just be open to the possibility.

Jose Antonio...

[Guest Seth]

I dated during the process, and I plan on dating again while transitioning.

[Guest Jackson]

Thank you kindly for the advice.

I'm not really limiting in what I'm looking for right now. Friends, friends with benefits, short-term, long-term, long distance. I just didn't know if I ought to put up a personal ads around right now. I just didn't want to find someone who would be there with me through the process and once the process is finished, feel negatively about the transition. Like she thought that I end up different than she expected I would. I'm worried that I'll mess up someone else's life in the process of transitioning. And in doing this, I cannot be anything but honest.

Maybe I'm just feeling like this because I have a month off from school. I've got the time and energy right now to worry about something like this. But I don't want to have to put that part of my life on hold either. Maybe I just need to learn a little more patience. I now they say that patience is a virtue, but I'm not feeling all that virtuous right now.

Maybe I just need a hug. Lord, I can't believe I even said that.

Jackson

[Guest Evan_J]

I think what you're feeling is called "normal". And you don't have to be virtuous to be that. All you need is to be human. Also nothing wrong with needing/wanting the entire list you gave. Although hopefully you don't need em all at once (lol -kidding)

I dunno. I think I feel like that a lot- the "hug thing- not that its a hug per se you need but just some sort of human tactile interaction of a caring nature. (I really don't believe I said that....someone call my ex and tell her I used the phrase "caring nature" lol)