On My Way To Getting A Gender Therapist

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I asked my GP for a referral to a gender therapist about a month ago. Here in the UK we have to see a psych first to give the ok for a referral to a gender therapist.

My GP told me it could be a long wait so I wasn't expecting to hear anything yet but I got a letter today giving me 3 options and I have to phone to book the one I want to see.

I don't know whether to be scared or excited or just plain terrified. I am so happy that I'm taking another step toward being my true self, but...

This person gets to say if I really need a referral to a gender therapist or if I'm just some kind of crazy that needs different treatment instead. Now I also have to get a referral to whatever other support I need for my other mental health issues out of this assessment (I've promised I will) so I'm gonna have to disclose about depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, some kinda crazy ocd type stuff, social and general anxiety, an eating disorder, etc. and somehow hope that this person can see past all of that and declare that I know my own mind enough to give me the go ahead to see a gender therapist.

Has anyone been through the mental health system and got diagnosed with GID despite other mental health issues?

I tried to phone to make the appointment today but first there were no text relay operators available (the person who tells the person on the other end of the phone what I'm typing on my minicom) to handle my call and then by the time I got connected the appointment booking line had gone onto voice mail so I'm gonna try again tomorrow. I'll let you folks know when I find out when my appointment will be.

Gabe

[Guest some ftm guy]

God i hate those press 1 for this, press 2 for that phone things I'd MUCH rather talk to an actual person to make appointments. i don't have any other conditions besides GID, shyness, dorkery and justfullofitness so i don't have any point of view on that but just wanted to say good luck!

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thanks mate. Means a lot.

It wasn't actually one of those press 1 press 2 things. I'm mute so the way I have to use a phone is to use the equipment that deaf people use where you type what you want to say and an operator tells the person on the other end what you're saying and types to you what the other person is saying. It was those operators that weren't available last night coz all the lines were in use.

I tried phoning again today and it was still voice mail so I guess I don't have the option of speaking to a person...so I left a message. Problem is that I don't have an actual minicom machine that's always plugged in, I use minicom equipment on my laptop so I can only take incoming calls when I have the laptop turned on and set up ready...so I have to know when someone is going to be calling (not ideal I know). As I don't know when they will call back I have had to ask that they talk my partner and I don't know if they'll be willing to do that coz some official things like banks and appointments are funny about talking to someone else coz they say it's private (even if my partner tells them that she has my permission to talk to them for me!)

If they don't phone me and talk to her tomorrow then she says she'll phone them tomorrow.

It's frustrating having to take this long to sort out when the appointment is gonna be.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

Gabe,

Sorry I haven't been around much or would have responded earlier. I know that it's exciting to see movement and then frustrating when these things beyond your control cause delay. I am always here for your my friend. Please keep us and me updated.

John

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thanks John. Please don't worry mate, I know you're not able to be so active here right now but I know you still care and your support means a lot. I want you to take care of yourself, k?

I'm hoping I can get this sorted out tomorrow and I'll let you know how things go and when I find out when I've got an appointment for.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

Gabe,

You are the best friend a guy could ask for. Yes, please keep me updated.

John

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

You are the best friend a guy could ask for

Nah that's you mate.

Well it seems like I'm not so close as I thought. There was a screw up on the referral system and I got referred out of the area I'm allowed to be referred to...so I had to go back to my GP and start the process all over again. He said he's gonna push the referral through as fast as he can because of the mess up but it means another wait to hear.

Also, my dog broke my minicom cable and my laptop with the minicom program on it is on its last legs so I couldn't make the call myself. Cariad didn't feel up to making the call so I had to ask my mum to call and I was terrified that the GP would tell her what the referral's actually for while she was on the phone to him about it. Luckily he didn't.

Not feeling so great right now.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

Gabe,

I am sorry that things are delayed. Looks like your GP is a pretty cool guy. Get some rest and we will catch up soon.

John

[Guest Julie T]

Gabe dear

I am reading through all this, what you are posting? and it breaks my heart. If I was there I would do it for you honey, I am a tigress when it comes down to fighting machine driven idiocy and bureaucracy. Anyway, you too have tiger blood running through your veins, so I know you will not give up now. And your GP seems on your side now.

Also, on all the other so called disorders? I suggest you be brutally honest, but in an upbeat way, so these analysts know you are absolutely aware of some problems, have dealt with all this before? I am sure you can drop a hint that much of all that is triggered or made worse by gender dysphoria. The only caution? Say 'self-destructive thoughts' not 'suicidal thoughts' because I think there is a big difference.

Go my friend and knock them over with that wonderful positive drive you have, even if you are shaking in your boots. [me laughing]

Julie

[Guest ignota]

Hey Gabe

I've been through this step. I didn't have any other issues that the psychiatrist deemed relevant, but I can tell you the person you will see is (almost certainly) a generalist who will know little about gender dysphoria. Crazy, huh? But what it does mean, is that they are looking for particular issues that they have been told can manifest as gender dysphoria. If they don't know, (I'm guessing) they'll probably refer you anyway; if they're unsure, remind them that gender is a complex issue and you need to see someone trained to pick it all apart.

Not saying this will be easy, but tell them the truth and go in with the attitude that you will get this referral unless they have a strong reason against it. Remind them they're not trained to deal with gender issues.

All that said, I don't know your personal situation but I wish you the best of luck

Rhi

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thanks John. Yeah my GP is great. He's known me all my life and he's a family friend as well as GP to all my family so we always chat and joke no matter what I'm seeing him about. He is a very forward looking professional who keeps up with modern research rather than getting stuck in his ways and when I told him I wanted to be referred to a gender therapist he didn't turn a hair. To be honest he's probably been noticing things I've been denying to myself for years lol.

I dread the time when he retires and I have to find another GP coz I know I will never find another one as good as him.

Julie, your care means so much. Thank you.

I'm not really blaming anyone for the mess up in the referral. It was just a mistake. Getting through the psych is what I'm really fearing. I've not always had the best of luck with the NHS. I've only had experience on Physical problems so far but I haven't heard particualrly great things about the mental health system even though I've purposely kept out of that area of the NHS myself until now dispite all my issues.

I have seen a few private therapists and counsellers (not all of my choosing) since I was about 14 or 15 and I realised as I was journalling last night that past experiences with some of them and some social workers in my past too is part of what is causing some of my fear. I think understanding my fear is good even though I wont know if it's foundedon this occasion or not until I meet this psych.

I think your advice is good Julie to stress that it is gender issues that feed into the other issues if anything rather than the other way around. Also saying self destructive thoughts is better and more acurate.

I will remember my inner tiger (or inner dragon as I often see it lol) as I fight my way through this, and knowing that you would want to be fighting on my behalf along side me is encouraging too, thank you. You're a truly good friend.

Thank you Rhi. This is exactly what seems crazy to me that it's someone without more than a glancing knolage of gender dysphoria who gets to decide if I need to see the specialist! Only the NHS could make up this system, right? lol

I am ready to be assertive on my need to see a gender therapist if i need to.

I want to mention that I'm aware this post is probably a mess of spelling mistakes which I'm really uncomfortable about. I got my new laptop delivered today which seems like it was just in time as my old one threw several tantrums last night. It's final one was to refuse to turn off...the silly machine has been crashing on me repeately for months and now it decides it DOESN'T want to turn off! lol

Point is that I just realised that I haven't installed the spelling plug in to firefox yet so I am a dyslexic without a spell check - a truly dangerous thing! lol

So please forgive me and I hope you can read this. I'll try to fix the situation before I next post.

Gabe

[Guest ignota]

I agree, they'd be better off spending money on local specialists *sigh*

[Guest Haidos]

hey i just thought i'd let you know i recently took this this step.

the person does just do a checklist kind of thing, to check if you have any mental illnesses.

even after saying suicide thoughts/attempt stuff they still said i was fine because they judge it on the two weeks prior to the appointment, and to be honest i was on top of the world coz i thought i was gonna get help... it really wasn't so helpful.

i came out of it quite confused. the lady seeing me had asked me as far as transitioning what i was looking for and far i'd go so i said i was hoping to get therapy, hormones and top surgery and that i didn't know enough about the rest to make any decisions yet. and her response? 'well at 19 there's still alot of angst there so i don't think they would do that for you' basically saying i'm too young/confused/typically teenage to know who i am.

i was so deflated after that just wanted to run into traffic! so angry and confused. she said that i'd get referred back to my GP and he would then take steps to get me a gender specific person which is the outcome i think i needed, but i haven't heard anything yet so fingers crossed.

but yeah to sum up it's not exactly a step of progress as far as gender stuff goes just a step you have to get over.

[Guest ignota]

I wouldn't worry Haidos, it's unlikely she knew what she was talking about. If it bothered you, you could file a complaint - perhaps if they get enough they'll change the system? :\

Sounds to me like you're on your way well done and good luck

rhi