...now What?

[Guest Exiledrain]

So, after years and years of hiding it, I came out to my girlfriend (who was incredibly supportive and is going to move out with me once I get an apartment), and she wants to help in any way she can.

I've been trying to figure out what I want, and I've decided what I want most is to break down these defensive walls I've built up and try being who I am on the inside on the outside, as it were. Problem being, I don't know where to start. We had talked about going to clubs and bars dresses up, and that really interests me. But should I maybe see a therapist or anything? It's hard trying to fight this mask I've been wearing for years.

I'm just trying to find a good place to start. I don't even know where to get clothing or wigs or anything. And if anyone knows of any groups or centers in the Cheyenne area, I'd be much appreciative.

Thanks for listening!

-me

[Guest CharliTo]

Hey ExileDrain! Haven't seen you for awhile!!!! (I used to have the username o0tg0o ) Glad to hear you finally came out! (Message me sometimes on IM!)

Ummmm, therapist is definitely a good place to go first off. They'll definitely help you sort stuff out.

On second hand, another thing you can do is to talk w/ other folks like you...whether they're far into transition or not. I'm always willing to talk, but yeah, therapist would be a good person to go to.

Remember that everything is done by conquering small steps at a time. You never want to rush into things...

Charlene

[Guest Snow Angel]

You don't have to feel like you have to rush into things. Don't feel the impulsive need to go to bars fully dressed or anything, especially if it's dangerous. Unless you're one of those lucky teens that already pass 100%. Talk to people more, seek out a therapist, examine your soul. If find that this is what you really want, ask the therapist for hormones. They'll help you pass better when you venture out. In the meantime, you could go through a more androgynous phase and take things slowly. And do things at home that will help you be more feminine when you do venture out. Practice your voice, practice makeup, practice walking in heels, start growing your hair out, learn to enjoy body shaving, and so on. Also, Halloween is coming up soon! You could go out dressed with less reprisal.

As for clothing or wigs, there's lots of good online stores for that.

[Guest Exiledrain]

Thanks for the hints, guys. I guess I just got overly excited. It's good to be out, and knowing that I'm on my way somewhere instead of hiding it all. I am very lucky I have such open minded and supportive friends, and it's going to be s much smoother journey with them.

I shouldn't rush into things, and a therapist does sound like a good idea. I may have to venture outside of Wyoming, since there's, well, nothing here. Soon as I get my new place, I'm going to have to start doing a lot of research.

And sorry I dissapeared off the face of the earth for a while, Charlene- once I get internet on my computer again, I definately want to catch up again.

[Guest CharliTo]

It's okay, I know you were having difficult times. I'm really glad you had someone that supports you now It's a huuuuuuuuge sigh of relief isn't it?

[Guest Exiledrain]

It's okay, I know you were having difficult times. I'm really glad you had someone that supports you now It's a huuuuuuuuge sigh of relief isn't it?

I didn't even imagine it would feel this good. My only regret is that I didn't tell anyone sooner. Que sera, sera I suppose.

Sheesh, I'm excited. I haven't felt this free in a long time.

[Guest CharliTo]

I didn't even imagine it would feel this good. My only regret is that I didn't tell anyone sooner. Que sera, sera I suppose.

Sheesh, I'm excited. I haven't felt this free in a long time.

That's exactly what I thought when I came out too.

Enjoy the moment Also, don't be too afraid about talking to your general practitioner (if you have to go to a certain clinic for insurance) to see if there's any clinic in your insurance that can help with you. They're binded by law that they can't spill the beans.

[Guest Exiledrain]

That's exactly what I thought when I came out too.

Enjoy the moment Also, don't be too afraid about talking to your general practitioner (if you have to go to a certain clinic for insurance) to see if there's any clinic in your insurance that can help with you. They're binded by law that they can't spill the beans.

Well, I don't have one yet, since I just moved here a few weeks ago (Living with my parents until I find an apartment is the worst. I want to try and dress and shave my legs and I can't! Grr.) It'll be slow going at first, but I'm sure once I get my insurance from my new job and all, I'll be able to settle in much better.

[Guest Rayne]

So, after years and years of hiding it, I came out to my girlfriend (who was incredibly supportive and is going to move out with me once I get an apartment), and she wants to help in any way she can.

I've been trying to figure out what I want, and I've decided what I want most is to break down these defensive walls I've built up and try being who I am on the inside on the outside, as it were. Problem being, I don't know where to start. We had talked about going to clubs and bars dresses up, and that really interests me. But should I maybe see a therapist or anything? It's hard trying to fight this mask I've been wearing for years.

I'm just trying to find a good place to start. I don't even know where to get clothing or wigs or anything. And if anyone knows of any groups or centers in the Cheyenne area, I'd be much appreciative.

Thanks for listening!

-me

First, start with therapy. Always a good idea no matter who you are. They're someone on the outside that can act as your gatekeeper. Plus, if you want to go further, you're going to need letters from her anyway.

I started dressing at home and my wife helped me with the makeup. Get comfortable as your real self in private before going public. Remember, when you're dressed as a woman in public people are going to expect you to ACT like a woman in public. That means acting like you belong there. You can't be overly nervous and that's hard not to do. If you act jittery, people are going to sense that and suspect something is wrong.

When you go out for the first time, choose a restaurant that's dimly lit and at night. Come out slowly. Or you can get dressed and hit the 7/11 for milk or something. Having another woman with you helps as women tend to travel in packs. It will also help when you go to the ladies room. You're more likely to get read as a man in the ladies room if you're flying solo than if you're with a genetic.

Watch women when you're in public as a man. Note their behavior, ie - the way they sit, hold their hands, body movements, sip a drink, slice their food, hold their purse, etc. Learn to mimic them.

The object of passing is to blend. Wear what the women in your area of the country wear. Out here it's casual, casual dress, or western. No one wears dresses so I don't either. I'd stand out.

Rayne

[Guest Exiledrain]

Thanks, Rayne, without hints and guides like these, I'd probably fail completely.

In a few weeks, my girlfriend is moving out here with me and is very excited to help with all this, including finding a good therapist. I am extremely lucky.

[Guest CharliTo]

wooo hoo!

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

Hey Exile

Ah, sweet relief, huh?

When I first decided to let go of my own personal judgement of myself, I was happier for a couple of weeks than I had ever been in my life. Everything seemed easier and better. Everything made me laugh. Nothing could get me down.

I told a couple of people that it was like this: If you walk long enough with a hundred pounds on your back, eventually you get so used to it being there that you forget that its heavy and that its hurting you. Its just there. Then, when after a hundred miles of trudging uphill with this burden you don't even feel anymore, if someone takes it off of you, you suddenly realise just how hard its been and just how wonderful it can feel to just be NORMAL again, to only have the your own natural weight to carry.

And I think its normal to feel like you want to rocket into some tangible expression, to see some kind of progress as soon as possible. Its been almost a year since my own unburdening, and I still have this terrible impatience to feel that things are progressing. Part of it is feeling like you've lost enough of your life, some it is probably fear of regression. Many of us go through the "panic and purge" cycle at some point and don't ever want to go back to it. There are lots of emotions to goad us into desiring immediate change.

But relax- you're over the worst part, really- getting to be comfortable with yourself. The rest comes in steps that you can take at your own pace. The rest is peeling away the bits of the burden you might not even know you're still carrying, learning about who you REALLY are behind the masks, and showing it, gradually, to the rest of the world. You can do it. You'll get there.

[Guest Rayne]

Hey Exile

Ah, sweet relief, huh?

When I first decided to let go of my own personal judgement of myself, I was happier for a couple of weeks than I had ever been in my life. Everything seemed easier and better. Everything made me laugh. Nothing could get me down.

I told a couple of people that it was like this: If you walk long enough with a hundred pounds on your back, eventually you get so used to it being there that you forget that its heavy and that its hurting you. Its just there. Then, when after a hundred miles of trudging uphill with this burden you don't even feel anymore, if someone takes it off of you, you suddenly realise just how hard its been and just how wonderful it can feel to just be NORMAL again, to only have the your own natural weight to carry.

And I think its normal to feel like you want to rocket into some tangible expression, to see some kind of progress as soon as possible. Its been almost a year since my own unburdening, and I still have this terrible impatience to feel that things are progressing. Part of it is feeling like you've lost enough of your life, some it is probably fear of regression. Many of us go through the "panic and purge" cycle at some point and don't ever want to go back to it. There are lots of emotions to goad us into desiring immediate change.

But relax- you're over the worst part, really- getting to be comfortable with yourself. The rest comes in steps that you can take at your own pace. The rest is peeling away the bits of the burden you might not even know you're still carrying, learning about who you REALLY are behind the masks, and showing it, gradually, to the rest of the world. You can do it. You'll get there.

The description of carrying the 100 pound wieght is probably the best I've ever heard it described. I think I'll use it!

[Guest Exiledrain]

Hey Exile

Ah, sweet relief, huh?

When I first decided to let go of my own personal judgement of myself, I was happier for a couple of weeks than I had ever been in my life. Everything seemed easier and better. Everything made me laugh. Nothing could get me down.

I told a couple of people that it was like this: If you walk long enough with a hundred pounds on your back, eventually you get so used to it being there that you forget that its heavy and that its hurting you. Its just there. Then, when after a hundred miles of trudging uphill with this burden you don't even feel anymore, if someone takes it off of you, you suddenly realise just how hard its been and just how wonderful it can feel to just be NORMAL again, to only have the your own natural weight to carry.

And I think its normal to feel like you want to rocket into some tangible expression, to see some kind of progress as soon as possible. Its been almost a year since my own unburdening, and I still have this terrible impatience to feel that things are progressing. Part of it is feeling like you've lost enough of your life, some it is probably fear of regression. Many of us go through the "panic and purge" cycle at some point and don't ever want to go back to it. There are lots of emotions to goad us into desiring immediate change.

But relax- you're over the worst part, really- getting to be comfortable with yourself. The rest comes in steps that you can take at your own pace. The rest is peeling away the bits of the burden you might not even know you're still carrying, learning about who you REALLY are behind the masks, and showing it, gradually, to the rest of the world. You can do it. You'll get there.

Wow, I really like that. Thanks, Isobelle!