Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A Friend Asked Me This Question...


Guest Rachael92

Recommended Posts

Guest Rachael92

A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

Link to comment
Guest JoAnnDallas

I am the youngest of three. I have two older sisters. Also more girls are born in our family than boys. On the average, one boy is born each generation. Also when I was born, 1947, there was no way to determine sex before birth. I also know that mother had two miscarriages and both were girls. So I am sure that when she was pregnant with me, she was sure it was going to be a girl. In fact most of the family was sure it was going to be a girl, as all the clothing and baby items she got was for a girl baby. The fem name I go by, is the name I was suppose to have, if I was born a girl. It must have been a surpise when I was born and I was a boy. Needless to say, I was dressed in girl clothing at first, since that is all mother had at first.

Being in the medical profession, I know that the power of the mind can do wild and werid things. So I wonder if mother knowing in her heart that I was to be a girl, everyone around her thinking I was to be a girl, caused the hormonal wash that caused my brain to wire similar to a female than a male.

It would be interested to find a study that looks at how the mother, father, family, friends, and etc aspects of what the sex of the baby is to be before birth compared to how the person grew up to be sexually and genderwise.

Link to comment
Guest Isobelle Fox

My mom wanted a boy. I have two sisters, both older than myself. My mom was just really, really set on having a boy, and apparently my sisters hoped for a boy too. Everyone wanted a boy. And everyone was just overjoyed, apparently when that is what they got. I've heard that all my life, again and again, in such detail: how glad everyone was that their prayers were answered and a boy was born.

It seems that I am the only one that isn't happy with it, and there's a big part of me that has always felt terribly selfish for not being able to help how I feel and who I am. I don't want to take their boy from them, even if he is a fabrication. But I think I've gone almost as far as I can go.

Link to comment
Guest mandy05

I am also adopted.

I found my birthmother back in 1999. My birthmother was only 16 years old when she gave birth to me. She grew up in a very dysfunctional family and had a father and grandfather who were both very abusive towards the whole entire family. Some of the things she shared with me that happened to her, along with what all went on inside of her family made me realize that I was very fortunate to escape all of the abuse that went on in her family.

She told me that her and her doctor both thought I was going to be a girl. I don't know what her doctor was basing his guess on when he told her that she was probably going to have a little girl, unless it had to do with the fact that my birthmother was only 110 pounds pregnant at 9 months with me.

This was back in 1970, and even back then I don't think they had any type of way of determining for sure what a baby's gender was going to be in the mother's womb. I do know that I weighed around 6 pounds, and that I was a very small baby. Even my younger biological sister weighed more than what I did, and she was longer baby than what I was when she was born. Today I am at least 7 inches taller than what she is.

A couple of years later after my birthmother and I had gotten to know each other pretty well, she told me that she sometimes wish I had been born a girl. I think her telling me that also had a lot to do with the fact that my younger biological sister (who was also placed up for adoption) had no interest in getting close to our birthmother after we found her back in 2001. I think that always hurt my birthmother because she was never able to have a daughter she could be close to. My birthmother, had a very close relationship at one time, and I think that also had a lot to do with why she wished I had been born a girl due to the fact that she had expected me to be a girl before I was born, and that we were very close to each other for at least 3 years.

I also remember my adopted grandmother who passed away 7 years ago telling me that I had such pretty eyes that I should've been born a girl. When my grandmother told me that, I remember wondering what I might had looked like as a girl, and I also remember how I felt deprived of not being a girl. However, that was before I realized that I was Trans, and the feelings had not gotten strong yet. I was still clueless back then about what was really going on with me.

I believe after I met my biological sister, that she kind of helped me to realize that I am trans, and rediscover myself as Mandy. My sister has even told me that I reminded her more of a sister than I ever did as a brother. Seeing my younger sister for the very first time was like looking at a reflection of myself as a girl in the mirror. Even before I came to the realization of being Trans, I would wear some of my sister's belts with my jeans while I was in male form.

Link to comment
Guest Jack Solomon
A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

Okay, to clarify, is your friend asking whether you could be convinced you're a girl because your mom may have wanted a girl really badly, or is she asking if because your mom may have wanted a girl really badly you were made mentally a girl in the womb?

If its the first, the logic is very flawed, considering you never knew your mother and this never occured to you previously. People who are bombarded with comments in childhood (such as 'you should have been a girl' and constant reminders that you would be preferable as a girl) by a parent may feel badly as a result, but its pretty difficult to make them want to be a girl. For example, a person could probably convince an average child that they are garbage because they were born a gender the parent didn't like, but it would take a while, and that would be a poor reason for the child to be utterly convinced they were a girl. For a trans person to hear those sort of comments, it might make the pain they were feeling because of their condition worse, but it would in no way cause the true condition of transsexuality.

Someone once told me they thought my condition was probably due, at least in part, to my mother wanting a boy because she thought boys were better to have. Now, my mother didn't care what gender the child was as long as its healthy, so this is completely untrue. And in actuality, when I was a child I had the notion that my mother wanted a girl, and I made peace with the fact that I wasn't one, even though I thought I disappointed her in some ways then. So this assumption was totally off the mark and really bothered me at the time it was made.

If your friend's asking the second question, I don't think I would dwell too much on it, because like you said your mom gave you up for adoption so you can't exactly ask her. The main way that your mom's feelings might be connected to your being a female person was if she always somehow knew/ expected you would be a girl....but again, that's not a direct correlation and certainly not a cause, and would just indicate a possible long-term conviction/certainty that you'd be a girl.

Solomon

Link to comment
A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

I'd need to see scientific proof before I believed that.

The genes that control what gender you are, what gender you identify with and who you're attracted to are three different sets of genes.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 115 Guests (See full list)

    • LC
    • Kerrigan888
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,057
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
    • Heather Shay
      Pride is primarily about yourself, even when it is not you who did something that you are proud about. You can also be proud of something someone else did, who you associate with, such as your children or your favorite football team. People can feel proud of their culture, their family name, or their appearance, none of which require them to actively contribute to the praiseworthy thing1. However, the opinions of others are of crucial importance, as best demonstrated when you purposefully do something that other people praise. Pride is a social emotion, and to feel proud, you need other people’s (real or imagined) confirmation that you have a reason to feel that way. Because of this, other people can also ‘be in your head’ and prevent you from feeling pride. Namely, what is praiseworthy is subjective. Things that may be considered good in a certain (cultural) group may not be praiseworthy in another (e.g., if you grew up in a family that greatly values academics, your athletic abilities may not evoke much praise). Moreover, what is praiseworthy is relative (e.g., if you are a good runner in an athletically average school, you may regularly feel proud about your times; but if you move to a school with highly competent athletes, these same times may seem unremarkable to you). Thus, the more exclusive your quality is in your surroundings, the prouder you feel. Pride has recognizable features. Although its static facial expression (typically a smile or laugh) does not clearly distinguish it from other positive emotions, it typically results in a bodily posture, gestures, and behavior that are clearly recognizable: lifting your chin, looking people in the eye, walking confidently, or in extreme cases, raising arms above your head. In a way, you try to make yourself larger and more noticeable, as if to say: ‘look at me!’ You may also exhibit more perseverance in your activities2. People generally find it very pleasant to experience pride, as it elevates our feeling of social self-worth and status3. At the same time, many social groups, religions, and cultures (especially those that are highly collectivistic, such as the East Asian or African culture) believe that pride needs to be checked. Unchecked pride leads to arrogance and misplaced feelings of superiority (‘letting something get to your head’, ‘hubris comes before the fall’), and social groups typically do not tolerate members feeling like they are superior or deserve special treatment.  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
    • April Marie
      I can still rock 5" heels.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
    • Betty K
      Oops, I did not mean to post that comment yet! I was going to also say, having read a mountain of commentary on the Review, I think Julia Serano’s response (linked by Vicky above) is the most accurate and thorough. You can also read a non-paywalled version at Substack: https://juliaserano.substack.com/p/the-cass-review-wpath-files-and-the   To me the three key areas in which the review is deficient are:   1. As has already been said here, its views on social transition;   2. Its attempts to give credence to the “ROGD” theory (without ever actually mentioning ROGD because presumably a canny editor knows that would be too transparently transphobic);   3. To me, most crucially, its claims about trans youth and suicide, which are dealt with summarily in about five pages and do not stand up to any deeper scrutiny.    I will be writing about each of these issues in isolation over the next few weeks and appearing on a radio show and podcast to discuss them late in the month. I will post links to these on TP later if anyone is interested.   All that said, I actually think it’s dangerous for us to respond with outright vitriol and condemnation to the review since, like any effective piece of disinformation, it does actually contain some factually based and even helpful recommendations. The Tavistock Gender Identity Service really was underfunded and understaffed and certain staff were not adequately trained. Trans kids really were funnelled away from mental-health support once they started gender-affirming care too. So yes, more investment in youth psychology services would help, as would a less centralised model of care, more training in treatment of trans kids, and more research.   One last thing for now: beware the claim that Cass ignored 98% of studies. That’s not strictly true. She seems to have taken other studies into account but leaned heavily on the 2% that met her standards. Nor does she ever claim that only randomised controlled trials are good enough evidence to justify the use of blockers for kids; just as with ROGD, she strongly suggests this, but is too canny to say it, because she knows such trials would be impossible. For now, I think the best response to this comes from the Trans Safety Network: “[…] we believe there to be systemic biases in the ways that the review prioritises speculative and hearsay evidence to advance its own recommendations while using highly stringent evidence standards to exclude empirical and observational data on actual patients. “ (https://transsafety.network/posts/tsn-statement-on-cass-final-report/)   To me, the scariest aspect of all this is that, if it follows Cass’s recommendations, the NHS will very likely follow Finland’s recent model of trans care, which seems to amount to a prolonged form of conversion therapy. I can’t find the link right now, which is probably lucky for anyone reading this, but I bawled my guts out reading the testimonies of kids who had been mistreated by that system. Truly horrific. To me, at least from my Australian perspective, the Cass Review is the most frightening development in trans rights in recent years. To me, the safe care of trans kids is THE number one issue in politics atm.   Ruth Pierce has a good summary of responses from trans folk and their allies sk far: https://ruthpearce.net/2024/04/16/whats-wrong-with-the-cass-review-a-round-up-of-commentary-and-evidence/    
    • Sally Stone
      Welcome to the wide, wild world of transgender, M.A.  It can definitively be overwhelming, but everyone here is amazing, so no doubt you'll get bunches of wonderful support. I think you'll be happy you found us.   
    • Sally Stone
      @Ladypcnj  This is so true.  I think all of us here have had a post or two that didn't get a response.  Sometimes, it's as simple as adding to your original to post for a clearer explanation, or re-reading what you wrote originally, and rephrasing it.  But don't despair, we aren't ignoring you.   Hugs,   Sally 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...