A Friend Asked Me This Question...

[Guest Rachael92]

A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

[Guest JoAnnDallas]

I am the youngest of three. I have two older sisters. Also more girls are born in our family than boys. On the average, one boy is born each generation. Also when I was born, 1947, there was no way to determine sex before birth. I also know that mother had two miscarriages and both were girls. So I am sure that when she was pregnant with me, she was sure it was going to be a girl. In fact most of the family was sure it was going to be a girl, as all the clothing and baby items she got was for a girl baby. The fem name I go by, is the name I was suppose to have, if I was born a girl. It must have been a surpise when I was born and I was a boy. Needless to say, I was dressed in girl clothing at first, since that is all mother had at first.

Being in the medical profession, I know that the power of the mind can do wild and werid things. So I wonder if mother knowing in her heart that I was to be a girl, everyone around her thinking I was to be a girl, caused the hormonal wash that caused my brain to wire similar to a female than a male.

It would be interested to find a study that looks at how the mother, father, family, friends, and etc aspects of what the sex of the baby is to be before birth compared to how the person grew up to be sexually and genderwise.

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

My mom wanted a boy. I have two sisters, both older than myself. My mom was just really, really set on having a boy, and apparently my sisters hoped for a boy too. Everyone wanted a boy. And everyone was just overjoyed, apparently when that is what they got. I've heard that all my life, again and again, in such detail: how glad everyone was that their prayers were answered and a boy was born.

It seems that I am the only one that isn't happy with it, and there's a big part of me that has always felt terribly selfish for not being able to help how I feel and who I am. I don't want to take their boy from them, even if he is a fabrication. But I think I've gone almost as far as I can go.

[Guest mandy05]

I am also adopted.

I found my birthmother back in 1999. My birthmother was only 16 years old when she gave birth to me. She grew up in a very dysfunctional family and had a father and grandfather who were both very abusive towards the whole entire family. Some of the things she shared with me that happened to her, along with what all went on inside of her family made me realize that I was very fortunate to escape all of the abuse that went on in her family.

She told me that her and her doctor both thought I was going to be a girl. I don't know what her doctor was basing his guess on when he told her that she was probably going to have a little girl, unless it had to do with the fact that my birthmother was only 110 pounds pregnant at 9 months with me.

This was back in 1970, and even back then I don't think they had any type of way of determining for sure what a baby's gender was going to be in the mother's womb. I do know that I weighed around 6 pounds, and that I was a very small baby. Even my younger biological sister weighed more than what I did, and she was longer baby than what I was when she was born. Today I am at least 7 inches taller than what she is.

A couple of years later after my birthmother and I had gotten to know each other pretty well, she told me that she sometimes wish I had been born a girl. I think her telling me that also had a lot to do with the fact that my younger biological sister (who was also placed up for adoption) had no interest in getting close to our birthmother after we found her back in 2001. I think that always hurt my birthmother because she was never able to have a daughter she could be close to. My birthmother, had a very close relationship at one time, and I think that also had a lot to do with why she wished I had been born a girl due to the fact that she had expected me to be a girl before I was born, and that we were very close to each other for at least 3 years.

I also remember my adopted grandmother who passed away 7 years ago telling me that I had such pretty eyes that I should've been born a girl. When my grandmother told me that, I remember wondering what I might had looked like as a girl, and I also remember how I felt deprived of not being a girl. However, that was before I realized that I was Trans, and the feelings had not gotten strong yet. I was still clueless back then about what was really going on with me.

I believe after I met my biological sister, that she kind of helped me to realize that I am trans, and rediscover myself as Mandy. My sister has even told me that I reminded her more of a sister than I ever did as a brother. Seeing my younger sister for the very first time was like looking at a reflection of myself as a girl in the mirror. Even before I came to the realization of being Trans, I would wear some of my sister's belts with my jeans while I was in male form.

[Guest Jack Solomon]

A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

Okay, to clarify, is your friend asking whether you could be convinced you're a girl because your mom may have wanted a girl really badly, or is she asking if because your mom may have wanted a girl really badly you were made mentally a girl in the womb?

If its the first, the logic is very flawed, considering you never knew your mother and this never occured to you previously. People who are bombarded with comments in childhood (such as 'you should have been a girl' and constant reminders that you would be preferable as a girl) by a parent may feel badly as a result, but its pretty difficult to make them want to be a girl. For example, a person could probably convince an average child that they are garbage because they were born a gender the parent didn't like, but it would take a while, and that would be a poor reason for the child to be utterly convinced they were a girl. For a trans person to hear those sort of comments, it might make the pain they were feeling because of their condition worse, but it would in no way cause the true condition of transsexuality.

Someone once told me they thought my condition was probably due, at least in part, to my mother wanting a boy because she thought boys were better to have. Now, my mother didn't care what gender the child was as long as its healthy, so this is completely untrue. And in actuality, when I was a child I had the notion that my mother wanted a girl, and I made peace with the fact that I wasn't one, even though I thought I disappointed her in some ways then. So this assumption was totally off the mark and really bothered me at the time it was made.

If your friend's asking the second question, I don't think I would dwell too much on it, because like you said your mom gave you up for adoption so you can't exactly ask her. The main way that your mom's feelings might be connected to your being a female person was if she always somehow knew/ expected you would be a girl....but again, that's not a direct correlation and certainly not a cause, and would just indicate a possible long-term conviction/certainty that you'd be a girl.

Solomon

[Guest Rayne]

A friend of mine and I where talking about my Transexuality and she was asking me reasons why I felt like I do....I replied that it is my belief that it occured in the womb she then said "Have you ever thought it might be that your mother wanted a girl really badly"?...this has totally flumoxed me as I cant ask my mother as I was given up for adoption when I was born....What do you think about that question?

I'd need to see scientific proof before I believed that.

The genes that control what gender you are, what gender you identify with and who you're attracted to are three different sets of genes.