How Do I Know For Sure?

[Guest ElliotMTF]

I have wanted to be a girl for about 2 years now. for many reasons, I like talking the way girls do and I wish I didnt have my gender-specific body parts. Just in this last month I have been seriously considering my desire to live and be treated as a girl. althought I am I a guy and I am attracted to girls though I have had some guy crushes I identify with myself more as a girl.

Im scared.

How do I know that this isnt just a passing feeling. When I come out to people I feel great but what if that is just because I like attention? what if I dreamed this all up just to get attention.

I want to feel sexy and pretty and I want to wear womens clothing sometimes, but that will only make me look like a man wearing woman's clothing. the idea of a sex change scares me though I may want to have it done someday.

I'm wondering if anyone else doubts themselves like this and I'm looking for people with AIM that I can talk to when I'm feeling scared. I feel like I'm not sure of a single things sometimes. but I never ever have the thought "I want to stay a guy"

I feel like a girl inside but I've never actually been a girl how do I know what that feels like?

please help me I feel confused and scared and I need people who have gone through what I'm going through.

[MaryEllen]

Hi Elliot,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. I can well understand your confusion. It's something we've all gone through so don't feel that you're alone in that respect. You don't have to be afraid. You're among friends here so feel free to ask questions. You'll get plenty of answers. You might want to consider joining in on Laura's chat also. The chat is a separate entity from the forums so you'll have to reregister but you can still use your same username and password. I don't know what your situation is but if you have the means, it would benefit you greatly to seek counseling from a gender therapist. He/she could help you sort out the things that are confusing to you. There is a list of therapists on the chat main page and also on the forum main page under Laura's Resources. Good luck.

MaryEllen

[Guest ElliotMTF]

ty for the reply, Im young and I cant afford a therapist. I also cant tell my parents how I feel.

please more people reply? I guess Im looking for someone to say, here's how you know err something... I just wat someone to tell me that they know these feelings will last.

[MaryEllen]

How do I know that this isnt just a passing feeling. When I come out to people I feel great but what if that is just because I like attention? what if I dreamed this all up just to get attention.

I can assure you with a 99% certainty that these are not passing feelings. You can deny these feelings and repress tthem to the back of your mind but they are always there and will be there for a lifetime. I'm speaking from experience as will almost all of the other members here. You really should seek counseling. If you can't get to a gender therapist, perhaps a school counselor could help. I would be wary of talking to a church counselor unless your church is accepting of transgenders. Certain religions would have your parents send you to a "boot camp" to be "cured". I can assure you that these programs do not work so use caution if you take this route. I don't mean to scare you but this is reality. You are what you are. Nothing can change that. Take some time and read what other teens have posted here. I'm sure you'll find that many of them have the same issues that you have. Hopefully you'll find some answers to questions you may have. Good luck.

MaryEllen

[Guest Sergei]

It takes time and age to truely come to terms and understand what you are feeling. Also remember that you may one day come to the realisation that in society you may want to present yourself as one gender, but you may never truely personally identify as one or the other, and that is ok. The most important thing is that you work out who you really are, and are comfortable being. It takes time and patience, the answers don't come over night. You've come to the right place for help and support. We are all here to help you work this out. x

[Guest CharlieRose]

I've been wondering this, too, mostly because my mother and my therapist want me to be absolutely certain, if not at least 18 years of age, before I do anything permanent, like testosterone.

And, you know, I can't imagine a scenario where I'd look back and say to myself "I think I want to wear dresses and put on some make-up; I wish I didn't have a beard," or any version of that.

But apparently that's not good enough. My mom would say, "You say that now, but..."

I feel like a man. I fantasize about having a man's body, being treated like a man, and doing "man" things.

I don't know what else I can do to make myself sure. I know about the negative consequences of hormone therapy and surgery; I think they're worth it. I'm willing to go through it, even if it's permanent. I have wanted my breasts to go away for three years. They sit there under my shirt like parasites; unwelcome, feeding on me, and ****ing up my life. A living reminder of what I have to go through to be myself.

And I worry, too. I act like I don't ever consider what my parents think, apparently, they've told me that, but it does get to me every once in a while. What if I end up regretting it? What if I ruin my own life trying to fix it? I can't imagine how or why, but the fear is there.

I really think you should seek out a therapist, or at least a friend who's willing to listen and point out things you haven't thought of.

If that's not possible, then just ask questions here and make sure you read about other people's experiences... That's how I make sure that I want it.

[Guest Felicity]

Hi Elliot,

I've been coming to terms with it for close to 9 years now, it is confusing but I'm finally sure. I wish I'd found this site sooner!

To a degree it's good to double check how you feel, stops you making mistakes. On the other hand if after two years you still feel the same it's unlikely to be a phase and no matter how good it makes you feel coming out to people would you really be putting yourself through all this distress just for a few moments of attention?

Personally I'm going to try and get referred to a gender councillor soon, MaryEllen is right about thinking about seeing your school councillor providing you feel you can trust them.

Give it time, talk to people and take care,

Felicity.

[Guest ElliotMTF]

ty everyone for comforting me, you are all welcome to add me as a friend =]

[Guest Evan_J]

Wow, there is so much going on here. And really its kind of a good thing; being in the part of life where you are discovering you -however mixed up it may seem. The things you described -liking talking the way girls talk, wanting to feel pretty- aren't really passing feelings. They will be there. How much or how little during a lifetime might vary, and how much or little you need to act on/be fulfilled in them may as well, but they comprise some amount of who you are. Really its the "to what extent" you're waiting to figure out, and honestly that takes a little bit of "tossing it around" and living with it a bit to know.

While you're living that out though I would suggest you DEFINATELY do at least one thing:

Forget every preconceived notion about what you think it means to be trans and define it in terms of yourself for yourself.

Especially the one that says if I'm mtf I must like guys then, or I "should" like guys. Who you are or will be attracted to has nothing to do with "wanting to feel pretty" or the "things that girls feel". You could be the most feminine genetic woman in the history of all the universe in still be attracted to girls. So seperate the two for your own peace or mind as you figure them both out.

And I don't know that there is any "true test" to tell if someone is trans. Not like peeing in a cup. But I do know the moment I was sure for myself (and I say that knowing that there have been a zillion instances of me questioning the process of transitioning medically). I was 24, and I doing myself up as a dude completely as part of "playing" with a girl I was dating at the time -the works, flat chest, shirt with cuffs, links, tie, even giued on a goatee made of real hair- and I was so focused on getting my look all on that I didn't take in the "entire" picture in the mirror while I was doing it, I only focused on whichever part I was working on. Finally at a certain point I looked up and saw the "whole picture" and in that second who was in the mirror was more "real" than any me I had ever seen, kind of like he had been waiting and finally showed himself to me and he was the real person and who I had been dressing up like as a female was the imitation.

Maybe there are a million kinds of "being sure". You have to wait for yours.

[Guest Sara N]

althought I am I a guy and I am attracted to girls though I have had some guy crushes I identify with myself more as a girl.

This fact alone caused me to critically question myself. I've learned that gender identity and sexual orientation are separate. You shouldn't lump the two together.

One thing I learned from this forum is that there are no clear boundaries when it comes to gender.

I'm still sorting things out on my end, and it is confusing. Reflecting on my life has helped me come to a better understanding of who I am.

[Guest Rayne]

I have wanted to be a girl for about 2 years now. for many reasons, I like talking the way girls do and I wish I didnt have my gender-specific body parts. Just in this last month I have been seriously considering my desire to live and be treated as a girl. althought I am I a guy and I am attracted to girls though I have had some guy crushes I identify with myself more as a girl.

Im scared.

How do I know that this isnt just a passing feeling. When I come out to people I feel great but what if that is just because I like attention? what if I dreamed this all up just to get attention.

I want to feel sexy and pretty and I want to wear womens clothing sometimes, but that will only make me look like a man wearing woman's clothing. the idea of a sex change scares me though I may want to have it done someday.

I'm wondering if anyone else doubts themselves like this and I'm looking for people with AIM that I can talk to when I'm feeling scared. I feel like I'm not sure of a single things sometimes. but I never ever have the thought "I want to stay a guy"

I feel like a girl inside but I've never actually been a girl how do I know what that feels like?

please help me I feel confused and scared and I need people who have gone through what I'm going through.

First, get into therapy. I give everyone that advice and it's solid. They'll help you work out if you're a MtF or not. Granted, the final call is up to YOU, but talking to someone that gets paid to listen and evaluate helps.

A good sign that you are is that you want that thingy gone between your legs.

Who you're attracted to has NO BEARING on if you're transgendered or not. I'm still attracted to women. Only 1/3 of us actually change their attraction during transition. Usually just after starting hormones and usually there were some tendencies there to begin with.

It's normal to have some doubts along the way, that's why therapy helps. Remember, no one can make you go any farther than you want to go. This is about YOU.

Rayne

[Guest ElliotMTF]

I didnt mean that to sound as if I was lumping the two together. I feel like a girl. I am attracted to girls. I have had guy crushes. these are 3 seperate facts. sry for any confusion =)

[Guest femmym]

hi elliot , you need to see a get some therapy you are very young still you feelings could change so much over the years

what stands out in what you have said is that you have only felt like this for the past 2 years . most people who are confused about there gender is from a earlier age i myself knew from the age of 5 years old how i felt . and the feelings just got stronger. however there is some people who can get this feelings later on in there teens like you .only you will know how you feel deep down inside but one thing is for sure if you are transsexual the feelings will get worse as time goes on you will have it on your mind most of the time . as for like girls more than boys that dosent mean anything regarding changing sex some peoples sexual preferances change after the op some stay the same mine is still the same im POST OP MTF 6 years now and im in a relationship with a woman i have always fancied women. i hope you do go and get some therapy thats what you need to do first good luck.

femmym

[Guest CharlieRose]

hi elliot , you need to see a get some therapy you are very young still you feelings could change so much over the years

what stands out in what you have said is that you have only felt like this for the past 2 years . most people who are confused about there gender is from a earlier age i myself knew from the age of 5 years old how i felt . and the feelings just got stronger. however there is some people who can get this feelings later on in there teens like you .only you will know how you feel deep down inside but one thing is for sure if you are transsexual the feelings will get worse as time goes on you will have it on your mind most of the time .

That worried me, too. I refused dresses from when I was seven or eight... But my parents said they never heard me talking about "really being" a boy when I was five or six; I played with Barbies, I played with ponies, I hated sports... I still do. That's just who I was and who I am, I guess. Being effeminate when I was younger made this a heck of a lot more confusing; if only girls play barbies and ponies, and boys play football and Spiderman, then I guess I'm a girl! I've since discovered that gender goes a bit further than that. An "effeminate" man is STILL a man. The transpeople who get the most attention are the ones who fit the mold the best, I guess; in a documentary, no one's going to say, "But I DIDN'T have childhood symptoms." They'll just skip to the part that makes it seem like it was their destiny. Maybe it IS our destiny or whatever, but it's not always clear to me.

(femmym, this is mostly ramble, half of it isn't even addressing you, but you made me think of it. I post like that sometimes)