I Got An Appointment!

[Guest Riana]

Last week I joined a Dutch TG forum and basically explained my whole story in my introduction, I explained how I've been ignored by the first therapists and then faced with a gender clinic that cared more for its rules than for me. And then people started to recommend me alternative places to go, places I had no idea about. There seems to be quite an interest in alternatives to the gender clinic. So, today I emailed them and I have an appointment for 31 August!

I'm really nervous and I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea if they'll try to get me to accept that I'm male or end up confusing me even more. I keep having this thought, what if they refuse treatment because they say I'm not ready or it's not right for me, but I keep insisting? I guess the first thing I need is to calm down and open up to my feelings more, because I'm just swimming in anxiety and stress more often than not, and that's causing all my emotions to disappear into a constant dull pain. I have no idea how to relax and just accept things as they come yet...

[Guest Riana]

The gender clinic called today. Despite all my expectations, they actually did put me on their waiting list. But they said that they would demand that I seek help for asperger as well - with people who have no clue about gender issues at all. Basically it means no therapy for at least a year.

So now I have two possibilities... either I can go to more people who have no idea how to help me with my gender issues, and finally start sometime in 2013... or I can stay with the therapist I am with now, and I might already be on HRT by next year. I don't think it's a hard choice honestly.

[Guest Julie T]

Riana

Yes of course, stay with what will work for you. That gender clinic seems to be misnamed somehow? Oh my.

I have an exercise for you to use to calm down, if you want to try it? I am not a therapist but I do practice Craft and this is something I was taught by my people. It is a simple self meditation technique and it is designed to help with the angst of your gender identity disorientation, and this also helps ease the anxiety, as it turns out.

Lie in a comfortable place, in comfortable clothes, ad relax as if you want to sleep. Your mind, if it is churning, will still respond so don't be disturbed by that. Take your age and use that number as the starting point - thinking of everything that is going on now. Back up a year, and think of everything that was going on then, then back up another year and do the same. The backing up will eventually lead you back into your childhood, where things were as powerful emotionally as they are now, but the problems were not so adult and overpowering. I usually go back to age five, where I was reasonably happy.

Then go forward, each age, with what should have happened, lingering at each step. When you get back to your actual age you will have reconstructed what you really are. All the old previous life as a male has been a struggle you were not meant to experience. You have just tapped into your true self, that inner young girl you left behind.

This also helps with anxiety as you see most of your worries are over problems that are self generated.

Do this before you go to your therapist and it will actually help things happen for you, as you will be in your true being.

Julie

[Guest Riana]

Right now I'm still on the waiting list, I'm keeping it as a kind of backup. That way, the time with my current therapist isn't wasted if it turns out not to work. I made that mistake the first time, putting my eggs in one basket only to have it fall apart on me.

I'm not sure if your suggestion will work. Usually thinking about my past brings me more anxiety because it reminds me of who I used to be. The me I'm trying so hard to get away from. I will try anyway although I can't make any promises. *huggs tight*

[Guest Riana]

So what do I do now? I had my first therapy appointment and it didn't really leave me with that warm feeling most people seem to have. If anything it left me feeling rather lost, scared and alone. The therapist himself is nice but he seemed to emphasize facing my fears and the thought alone is enough to make me feel sick. He also told me that he would not allow me to start HRT without starting real life experience, and he cites the Standards of Care as a reason. I *really* don't like that, because it seems that he's willing to put rules ahead of my personal needs. I know several people on this forum that started HRT long before any RLE and some are on HRT without even having any plans to transition at all. Why do I have to prove to the world I'm a woman before I can begin to look and feel like one? It's just not fair!

[Guest Donna Jean]

..

No, Hon.......it isn't fair......

Most people on this forum start HRT before RLE...Most of them WAY before....

I personally think that HRT needs to be allowed to help give the confidence to do RLE...

But, in your part of the world (in Europe) it seems to be more common to require RLE first....I feel that is wrong....

Stick with it, though....you may get him to see it to start your HRT...

Good luck

Dee Jay

[~Nova~]

Oh my, that's terrible.

Have you thought about seeking help outside your area? I know a lot of therapies are using Skype to talk with patients tha aren't local. It might be an alternative. I do not know the rules or laws where you live, so if doing that would be illegal than just disregard me.

If it's something you may feel may help you, I know a doc tga uses Skype. Please feel free to PM me.

Autumn