How I Relate To My Therapist Has Changed And Something Useful That Came Out Of Tonight

[Guest Orva26]

But explaining it is hard...

Well here it goes:

I guess when I first started seeing her I conceptualized her as more of an "authority figure" (not sure if I am putting it the right way with this phrase) than I do now. For a while therapy sessions was my time to rant/whine about whatever was bothering me gender related or not. But now that is not how it works. There is no 'test' for being trans and no need to please anyone other than myself (well within reason I don't wanna end up a pariah, more on that later). What happens now?

Well things are much more driven by what is actually going on with my life. The things we talk about are action driven. Like how I will come out (aside: why is it come out? The use of that phrase implies we have something to hide, yet we don't, we only think we do up to a point) share this fact about me with others. I guess I see her now more as someone who I can bounce ideas off of and ask advice of closer to a peer or friend than some form of authority.

Okay that was the first part, now the second:

This is something that came up while talking about how the risk assessment and minimization of sharing. Everyone wants their cake and to eat it too. And by that I mean to both be able to share and be accepted. But this kinda cake isn't something you can buy in a retail store or even your local bakeshop, its like that secret family recipe your great-grandmom made, The only way to get it is to bake it yourself! So first you got to bake your cake and then you can have it and eat it.

But Orva in your fancy analogy what the heck does the baking represent? Well if you want to keep your friends/family to eat cake with you got to do some relationship "baking", i.e. you need to maintain a healthy and good relationship with these people.

That's what I've been trying to do and personally it has become imperative.

And now for something extra:

When I am in a really good mood I feel so stereotypically feminine in that I just want to cuddle like crazy!

Now sleeps! zzz...

-Orva

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Orva,

I really like that, a lot. Very insightful and poignant.

Thank you,

April

ps. I also love cuddles. I am thinking of someone right now but alas, they are not present. *sigh*

[Guest EvenClose]

I get that when Im in a good mood too. Its just nice to feel girly sometimes.

Miranda

[Drea]

But Orva in your fancy analogy what the heck does the baking represent? Well if you want to keep your friends/family to eat cake with you got to do some relationship "baking", i.e. you need to maintain a healthy and good relationship with these people

I can't say I totally understand your analogy, but if you mean that you have to work at relationships, make preparations and take actions to help maintain those relationships, I agree whole heartedly. That the work has to start with oneself towards others rather than just insisting others just accept.

The transition process tends to put us in the spotlight and any relationship issues get magnified as well as any negative personality traits we may have that cause those relationship issues. One thing we can learn in therapy is those things about ourselves that we can improve to make our relationships tend to be healthier.

There are ways that one can go about working to winning others over to acceptance. Techniques that are highly effective. It is unfortunately rare to see such as a topic of discussion. Maybe nobody wants to look at that literature? Not sure there is much of it, but I have read some good stuff. Maybe it is just easier to say the world is unaccepting? There is lots of literature out there echoing that fear after all.